“What do you mean? Did you break up?” I nod. “Oh shit.” Logan wraps his arm around me and pulls me in close. “I’m sorry, Emma. Please tell me it’s not from what I said.”
I shake my head. “No, I think what you said actually held some weight.”
“Really?” He doesn’t sound happy, more sad than anything. What the?
“Yeah. I don’t think he was ready to really hand his heart over. I don’t think he was using me as a distraction. I do think he cared for me, but I could tell he wasn’t ready, and honestly, I don’t think I’m strong enough to wait around for him to love me.”
“Do you love him?”
I lean my head against Logan’s shoulder as a stray tear falls down my cheek. “Yeah, I do. I don’t think there was any choice in the matter for me. My soul connected with his and I fell for him.” I fell hard. “Despite knowing the whole time there was a roadblock between us. I just thought we’d be able to get over it. But I was wrong.”
“Did you break up with him?” I nod. “Were you protecting yourself?” I nod again. “So where does he stand in all of this? What did he say? Did he accept the breakup and move on? Or did he put up a fight?”
That night has been on replay in my head for weeks. I can see it playing out so easily, remember everything said. The sound of his voice as he shut my door, the hope I felt . . . The hope then squashed by his silence.
“It seemed like he was putting up a fight. I didn’t think he’d accept my decision, but I haven’t heard from him in weeks.”
“What do you mean? Don’t you share a house?”
“He’s been in Pittsburg training for three weeks.” My voice hiccups on me.
“Oh.” Logan is silent, taking a moment to process what I said. He brings his coffee to his lips and takes a drink before saying, “But he sounded like he wasn’t giving up?”
“That’s how it seemed when I broke things off. But I haven’t heard from him. I think it’s over.” And admitting that hurts more than when I was trying to save my heart.
“You don’t know that for sure.”
“Logan. I’m not going to be wishful here. If he cared, he would have contacted me by now. I’m done.” It hurts to hope. I stand and brush my bottom off before turning to him. “Ready? Adalyn is going to be pissed if her coffee is cold.”
“Yeah.” He holds his coffee and Adalyn’s as he puts his hand on the small of my back for a brief second, guiding me toward the library. “I don’t think you should throw in the towel just yet.”
“You’re sweet, Logan, but I’m not holding on to any hope.”
“I think you should.”
“Why are you pushing this? According to Tucker, you want to fuck me, and would have sworn you would have swooped in by now,” I tease, but I’m also curious to hear his answer.
“He thought that, did he?” Logan asks, a smile to his face as he takes a drink of his coffee. “Then I did my job.”
“Did what job?”
“Made him feel threatened. Jealous. That right there tells me there is still hope, Emma. If he didn’t care about you, he wouldn’t have cared about me. But he cares.”
“You made him jealous on purpose?”
He loops an arm around my shoulder and kisses the top of my head. It’s funny how with Logan, when he does that, I feel cared for by an older brother. When Tucker kisses me like that, I feel treasured. No. I felt treasured. “I have to make sure my girl is taken care of. You’re my best friend, Emma, and only the best man deserves you. So if I have to act territorial to see if he’s willing to piss a circle around you, then I will do just that.”
“Oh my God,” I laugh. “You’re such an ass.”
“A caring ass.” He winks over his coffee cup. “I expect the same kind of treatment from you.”
I poke him in the side, putting a little distance between us. “Just you wait. Once you meet the girl for you, I’m going to make sure your life is a living nightmare.”
“Come on, it wasn’t that bad.”
“He got defensive about you.” That causes Logan to throw his head back and laugh. “It’s not funny. He was really convinced you wanted to sleep with me.”
He continues to laugh, drawing the attention from others around us. “Oh that’s great. Man, Emma, he really fucking likes you because I wasn’t even that bad.”
I huff as I walk into the library. “I can’t believe that’s something guys do.”
“Only the smart ones looking out for their girls. Now, tell me in detail everything he said about me.”
I point my finger at him. “You’re a dick.”
“Come on, just give me a little something.”
“No.” We get to the table where Adalyn is studying and sit down. Logan hands her the coffee and she breathes it in before taking a long swig.
“Oh, that’s good.” She glances between the both of us. “Why are you laughing, did I miss something?”
“Logan was pretending to like me in front of Tucker to piss him off.”
She takes another sip. “Oh, I know.” She fist-pumps Logan. “Well-played. You really got the old jealousy bug ticking in his bones.”
“You knew?” I shout and am quickly hushed by people around us so I whisper, “You knew?”
“Of course.” She shrugs her knowledge off. “Classic best-friend move made by a guy. He couldn’t have executed it any better.” They laugh at my expense.
“I hate you both.” I cross my arms over my chest and try not to pout. “Not like it helped anyway.”
“He still hasn’t talked to you?” Adalyn asks, confused. “Not even a text?”
“Nothing.” I bite the inside of my cheek, willing away the tears that threaten to fall.
The silence is killing me. I miss him. I miss his rough, sleep-ridden voice in the mornings, his work clothes that cling to every last inch of muscle on his body. I miss his kisses, his strong arms wrapped around me, the way he would whisper in my ear, igniting my entire body. And mostly, I miss his heart that seemed to care deeply for me.
I shrug, putting on a brave face. “Maybe it’s for the better. I may have a job panning out in Boston. Maybe a new city is just what I need.”
A fresh beginning, something far away from the place I’ve recently called home. `
Chapter Twenty-Four
TUCKER
“Fucking pizza,” I mutter, pushing the box to the side. Four fucking nights in a row of the stale shit. Who ever said you can’t get sick of pizza is wrong. I’m all cheesed out. Three weeks living off hotel breakfast, soggy sandwiches, and pizza at night has left me more irritated than when I was told I had to report to Pittsburgh for some bullshit management training. Honestly, I think Julius is required to go to these courses for his business but sends me instead to complete his dirty work.
And what makes it even worse? I’m too fucking far away from Emma.
I had everything planned out on how to fix this shit between us, but my quick departure screwed everything up and the last thing I want to do is try to fix this over the phone. So instead, I’ve taken this time to journal.