What Goes Around

chapter SEVENTY

‘Not here.’

Just two words he says to me.

He’s black and white apart from the red of his eyeballs.

Luke gets in his car and I get in mine and I don’t know where he lives now. I am really crap at following at the best of times, so you can imagine what I’m like now! I’m terrified I’ll lose him, that we’ll have to stop so he can text me his address and that we’ll end up shagging at a roundabout.

I forget to indicate and break and things and I take a corner in fourth gear. A car blasts a siren, but I don’t care, I just want to get there as soon as I can.

People turn and look as my car skids past.

And all I can think is that it’s a good thing I’ve got my favourite silver underwear on.

I’m not so bold when I get to his flat.

There are a few things I recognise, I walk past his leather sofa and through to the kitchen and I’m shaking as I pour a glass of cool water and take a drink.

I think of Jess, I’m scared I’m wrong, but is that what her text message meant? That in a while she’ll be okay with this? I want to be sure that we’ll always be friends.

I’m at the sink drinking water and he comes up behind me, his mouth is on my bare neck and then he turns me around and his hands slide over my dress – and I shiver with want, but I need to be sure, I walk off but he grabs me, I can feel the metal of the fridge on my back.

I’m so scared that this is wrong

‘It’s okay,’ he says.

Just two words.

Two words that I so needed to hear.

‘It’s going to be okay, Lucy,’ I feel my terror leave.

He kisses me then till I know it’s right. Till I know that we have met in forbidden dreams, till I know that this too was meant to be.

He kisses me till my silver knickers are down on the floor and I honestly don’t have the mental capacity to work out who took them off, I just know that finally he’s inside of me.

Finally.

My legs are wrapped him as he moves deep inside, we’re locked in eye contact as he moves deep within but this time it’s just us, this time it’s real and there is no room for shame.

‘I love you, Lucy,’ he says and I tell him that I love him too.

I look the man I love right in the eye as I say it but then I have to close them.

I have to close them because I’m sobbing, but in the nicest of ways, as Luke makes all of my dreams come true.

The end