I keep waiting for Sawyer to announce she's pregnant. Back in Texas, when she first said she wanted a baby right that very minute, I was scared shitless. God knew we weren't ready though. Sawyer finishes college and starts her career before Kiki comes along.
The first time I hold my baby girl, I truly let go of my past. Before Kiki, I only remained in the present because of Sawyer's love. She kept me from hiding in my head with the bad memories. With our daughter, I'm excited for the future.
I've had plenty of experience with babies, having been around when my nieces and nephews were born. Nothing prepares me for loving Kiki though. I can stare at her for hours. Or play with her dark curls. A dark haired and eyed version of Sawyer, Kiki's amazingly beautiful.
Sawyer thinks Kiki is all me. Sure, she has my coloring and quiet demeanor. She's also smart and tough like her mom. While Kiki won't stand up to people just for the sake of starting shit, she'll challenge people to protect those she loves. I've seen her give the dogs plenty of lectures about playing nice.
Kiki is lucky to grow up in a big family with over a dozen cousins. She has my parents and Jodi to spoil her. Curious the way I never was growing up, my little girl wants to see the entire world.
Occasionally, I feel the pain of what I lost with my old family. My parents and grandma remain only shadows in my mind. My little brother's name will always be a mystery. I wish their memories remained alive in me the way Kirk lives on with his family, but life doesn't always cooperate.
Growing up, I was blessed in a million little ways, even if I couldn't always see them. Even losing Sawyer was an opportunity for me to face things I'd hidden from all my life. I'm a helluva blessed man, and I hope that never ends.
Epilogue
Sawyer
Darlin'
I'll never admit this fact out loud, but Jace leaving me was a godsend. Until that day, my life was too easy, and I lacked coping skills. By the time we got back together, I'd gotten a taste of the darkness Jace felt when life fucked him over.
Besides, those eight months between losing Jace and Pop passing away, I spent more time with my parents. In fact, I rarely left their sides except to go to school. Pop and I remained attached at the hips otherwise. He was my rock when the world felt scary. I'd have missed so many conversations with Pop during his last months.
Jace and I don't do the big wedding deal. Not when Pop can't walk me down the aisle. During a weeklong trip with Mom to Hawaii, Jace and I decide to make things official. We marry at sunset wearing swimsuits and carrying fancy drinks. Mom is off her ass drunk at that point and laughs through the five-minute ceremony.
In my senior year of college, I convince Cooper to open a second Whiskey Kirk's. My goal is to franchise the restaurant and expand throughout the state and eventually the country. I plan to keep my Pop alive by serving his favorite foods, playing his favorite music, and expecting the kind of service a man of his power enjoyed. At each restaurant, I insist a photo hang near the door. The picture shows Pop and Mom back when they first met, and the world was at their feet.
Throughout the last two years in college, I really believe a baby boy is in my near future. I toss caution to the wind and expect every month to be the one I miss my period.
God has other plans.
My period sticks around until the summer after I finish college, during a Caribbean cruise with Jace and Mom. I'd nearly figured I was barren by this point. The pregnancy is a breeze, but I worry. A woman like me with so many fertile turtles in my family ought to have gotten pregnant the first time out. Paranoid, I almost wear bubble wrap to protect the baby and me.
Ariel is born five minutes after I arrive at the hospital. Jace nearly has to catch her as we hurry to a delivery room. Mom is so busy telling people to get their heads out of their asses and take care of her baby that she's startled when Ariel is suddenly staring at her.
I get the hang of being a mom right away, but I'm blessed enough to have plenty of help from Jace, Mom, and Mama Giang. The latter arrives as a care package from the McLaughlins. They insist we keep her.
Mama Phuong's niece thinks bikers are funny. Every time the club guys show up at the house, she laughs and laughs. I admit her laughing makes me laugh. Of course, Coop the Poop isn't amused when she laughs at him, which makes me laugh even harder.
Since I never have a son to carry on Pop's name, I start calling Ariel by the nickname Kiki. Mom hates it. Jace says he loves it, but he's clearly lying. Mama Giang tends to pronounce Kiki as Cookie. My siblings mock me endlessly about how I've turned Pop's tribute into a stripper name. Despite all their bitching, the name sticks.
I never find out why no more babies come along. The doctors find nothing wrong with Jace or me, yet after one, we're done.