In the end, I miss the roar of my Harley. Sawyer and I ride for hours the night I reclaim my bike. Nothing feels as good as speeding down the dark roads with my woman's arms wrapped around my waist.
Also missing being part of the Reapers, I see the club guys talking and wish to be part of the conversation. The reality is I always felt left out of the group because I never forced my way into it. Hiding in my head won't instill a sense of camaraderie in the men. They want to feel your loyalty. They want to believe I'll die and kill for them. Badass men can't bond with someone who tells them lies. Until I demand request, they'll never view me as their equal.
No more lying, I return to the club with a sense of purpose. I am a Reaper. Not only because my dad is or because it's what I'm expected to do. I'm a Reaper because I feel it in my gut. Just as I did with Sawyer, I know what's mine.
"I'm back," I tell Cooper in his office.
"I forgot you were gone."
"Good."
Cooper stares at me with his dark, intimidating eyes. "Are you planning to marry my sister?"
"Yes, but don't ask for specifics. She isn't ready to think about anything besides missing your pop and being close to your mom."
Cooper only nods. Things are that simple with a man like him. You're in or out. Either way, he won't lose any sleep.
Sawyer doesn't hide her excitement when I embrace club life. The Reapers are her family too, and she wants her brothers to have people they can trust.
Facing my past isn't easy, and I never dip into the dark side just for kicks. There's no joy in remembering the suffering of my first family. I can only accept the ugliness of my past to avoid living lies for the rest of my life. Sawyer deserves better than that and so do I.
Our future is wide open and only the truth will do.
Chapter 41
Sawyer
Two Hearts
Pop is everywhere in Ellsberg. I feel him in every store and restaurant. I can't drive down a single street without seeing a reminder of my father. Unlike when I ran from here, I now relish all these memories. He will never truly die in Ellsberg.
Mom has plenty of plans to keep busy. She wants to travel. She wants to take more classes at the college. She wants to find new hobbies. I know Mom wants to keep busy enough to feel Pop's absence less.
I hope to give her a grandson to spoil. A little piece of Pop living on, but my fertile turtle skills don't kick in that summer. Soon, I begin my junior year, and the baby plans fade into the background.
Jace and I decide to live at my parents' house. Cooper offers to build us a place on the property. He has a huge house only a five-minute walk from Mom and Pop's. Thanking him, I explain I need to stay at the main house with Mom. She never admits to needing me close, but I know.
Taking a page from the McLaughlins, we turn every Friday evening into horror movie night. We have two boxes full of movies that'll take years to watch. Jace always pretends he's scared afterwards and needs me to soothe his terror. Unable to get enough of him, I'm more than happy to oblige his little game.
The one thing that needs changing when I return to Ellsberg is my poor tattoo. I originally got the ink to symbolize my young love. The tattoo eventually changed into a visual reminder of my broken heart. I don't want to forget the last nine months without Jace or the weeks I spent in Last Dollar. Instead of changing the tattoo again, I have it expanded. Now, the severed heart has a mirror image of a healed heart with Jace and my name in the middle.
"Don't make me change it again," I warn him.
Smiling, Jace places his hand on my heart. "I ran because you were the realest part of my life, and I thought you didn't know me. Turns out you know me better than I know myself."
Jace and I are forever. No doubt, a part of me has known this fact since the first time Jace peeked out from behind his adopted parents at a barbecue at my house. Those dark eyes of a damaged little boy had me hooked from the beginning.
Epilogue
Jace
Beast of Burden
I marry Sawyer during a Hawaiian getaway with Jodi. The impromptu trip to flee the frigid Kentucky winter turns into an even more impromptu wedding on the beach. Too many of those umbrella drinks spurs the idea one night while Sawyer and I goof around by the pool. Sobered up the next morning, we realize waiting is a mistake. I will never love another woman. Sawyer is mine, and I want to make things official.
The time we spent apart feels like a bad dream. I can't imagine being away from her now even for a day, let alone nine months. The old Jace was a damn fool.
Cooper isn't thrilled when we return from Hawaii. I guess I should have asked his permission to marry Sawyer. I only stare at him when he gives me his dark stare. The days of him making me cower like a scared puppy are over though. I respect him as my club president and brother-in-law, but I'm not his damn bitch.