“It’s a warm summer night,” he said. “How about we walk the town?”
He’d wanted to walk the town and spend time with me. I’d been charmed. And so we had walked and I’d been enamored by the quaint little town. Surprised that Aspen isn’t glitz and glam like you’d think when you hear about Hollywood types visiting. It’s just a cute town with stores, craft booths, and of course, food. And during off season, it’s a ghost town at night. So we just walked and talked. He’d asked me about my mother, and I’d dared to share her death by cigarettes, which is how I think of her lung cancer. He’d listened and offered insightful thoughts. He’d then ask about my father. I’d laughed, bitterly.
“I have never met him but I hear he’s a mobster in Vegas. That’s why we moved away.”
He shared with me that his father was not much better and we’d talked for hours. He’d told me he’d learned from his father to be cautious who you trust. It’s why he doesn’t do serious relationships. Maybe that was my warning, his way of telling me this was just an escape for us both. But I was hit by the difference between him and the man I’ve come to know as my ex-master. Alex leaves himself open to be surprised, to fall in love. My ex-master uses a contract to ensure he can never make that mistake. And to him, it is a mistake. I was a mistake. It’s another thought that gives me freedom to just enjoy this time with Alex.
At some point we’d stopped to sit on bench where we’d talked art and I’d become animated when I’d realized how intensely he was once again staring at me. The next he’d been brushing his lips over mine, his hand sliding to my neck, under my hair. His tongue this gentle, seductive caress, before he’d murmured, “I’ve wanted to do that since the moment I met you.”
I couldn’t say the same to him. I’d certainly had found him overwhelmingly male and good looking when I’d first met him at a gallery event. I’d even thought of him as someone most women would want to kiss. Just not me at the the time, because I had yet to open myself up to the possibility of life after my attempt at being submissive. But it didn’t matter that I couldn’t say the same to him. He’d then asked a question that had taken me off guard.
“Who is he?”
I’d pulled back to look at him. “What?”
“Who’s the man I’m competing with?”
I didn’t ask how he knows there’s someone else. I imagine I still taste like him. “The past. He’s the past.”
“Is he?”
“Yes. He is.”
“And I’m what?”
“Possibility,” I say.
“I can live with that.”
He’d brushed his lips across mine again and stood, offering me his hand. And once again he’d surprised me. We hadn’t rushed back to the hotel. We’d walked and talked more only now each word and step, each touch of our hands and even brush of our hips, seemed to seduce us, or at least me, with those possibilities.
When we’d finally gone to the hotel, I’d discovered we were in a suite that had two bedrooms as promised. “I can get you your own room, if you’d prefer.”
“No,” I’d said quickly. “I want to be close to you.”
Approval had lit his eyes, and he’d opened the door. My eyes met his, and there was a silent understanding between us. My choice in this moment opens the doors to those possibilities. I’d walk into the room, decisively making my choice to find out what this is between us. Again though, he hadn’t rushed things. We’d ordered room service and ate in the living room, more champagne-filled glasses with our meal. The room had been warm or maybe it had been just me. And somehow a brush of a hand, a touch of legs, and I’d ended up on his lap, straddling him. He’d stroked hair from my face. “This doesn’t have to happen now,” he’d declared. “We don’t have to do this.”
“I know,” I’d whispered, and amazingly, I had known. And knowing I had a choice had been the absolute most erotic part of that moment. There was no contract. There was no command. There had just been the chemistry I felt with an amazing man and the way he and I had lingered there, mouths close, just breathing together. As if we were both savoring the possibilities of all that might happen that night, and even beyond, expanding between us. It reminded me that daring to open myself to possibilities is how I found the art world again. It’s how I started to live again.
I remember the very instant our lips had touched. I remember the freedom in our kiss that had started slow and sultry and I didn’t hold back, the freedom of contract, or obligation between myself and Alex empowering. There were no expectations. No rules. I could go on and write details but I will leave it at this. He was tender at moments and wild at others. I am no longer someone with inhibitions and yet at times I felt shy in a really sex way, that I can’t explain. I’d melted for him.
Where does that leave us? He wants to see me again. I want to see him again. That doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten my ex-master. That doesn’t mean I don’t love him. It just means that it’s time to love me, too. As for Alex. We’ll I’m not going to call him my dream man. I’m not sure either man get that title. I just know that whatever choice I make will be about the possibilities that I allow myself to discover. And the rules, that only I make.
THE END… For now.