“And now you know it all.”
Matthew got up and poured the drink he had refused at the beginning. He drank half of it before he said, “Am I the only one?”
Baldwin cleared his throat. “No. She knows.”
“She.” Matthew arched a brow. “Helena.”
Baldwin nodded slowly. “I had to…explain why I couldn’t pursue her.”
Matthew shut his eyes. “I see. And what did she say?”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “She’s so bloody accustomed to being treated no better than a dog that she accepted it. She claims to understand it. It’s even how we ended up in the position that I would be kissing her in the parlor.”
“So you’ll kiss her and do…whatever else you’ve done,” Matthew said, his voice low and angry. Baldwin flinched. “But you will not marry her.”
“I can’t. I know you must judge me for all my mistakes.”
“No, not for your mistakes,” Matthew snapped. “Anyone could have gone down the path you did. I can totally understand how you might have come to this point. What I judge you for is loving this woman, for it is obvious that you do love her, and that you would walk away from that like it’s nothing.”
Baldwin got up and moved on him. “Trust me, it is not nothing. It’s—”
He broke off and tried to turn away, but Matthew caught his arm and wrenched him back in place. “What is it?”
“Complicated,” Baldwin said softly.
Matthew released him, horror passing over his features. He backed away, step by step, and stared at Baldwin like he had never seen him before. The expression made Baldwin’s heart hurt.
“Complicated,” Matthew repeated, his voice empty. “No, complicated is having the woman you loved buried in the ground because of something you did. Complicated is watching her die and not being able to do anything about it. Complicated is having your future taken from you and yet everyone expects you to move on like it never existed. That is complicated. What you’re doing? That’s not complicated. It’s cowardly.”
Baldwin ducked his head. He had no response, after all. Matthew wasn’t wrong.
“I’m sorry.”
Matthew shrugged. “Right now you certainly are. So you’ll just walk away then. Let her go.”
“I must, even though I fear what will happen when she’s no longer under my protection.”
Matthew’s eyes narrowed. “Why?”
“Her uncle is…cruel. Hateful. I don’t know if he’s hurt her, I do think he might be capable of it.” Baldwin clenched his fists as he thought of how enraged Shephard had been at Helena when he intervened.
“Even better,” Matthew muttered. “Well, how about this? I’ll marry her.”
Baldwin jerked his gaze to Matthew. Tyndale was standing, his arms folded across his chest, staring at Baldwin with…challenge to his gaze.
“Don’t even joke,” Baldwin said.
Matthew arched a brow. “You think I am? Everyone expects me to marry. I like Helena well enough, and it sounds like she needs to be saved. Since you will not do anything, that’s the perfect solution for everyone. Isn’t it?”
Baldwin sagged. What Tyndale was offering was exactly what Helena needed. Matthew had money and standing. He would protect her. And yet the idea of having to see her all the time, watching Matthew hold claim over her. Watching them come to care for each other, for he had no doubt Helena could melt even Matthew’s damaged heart over time…
“The very idea kills me,” he admitted. “It would be like ripping my own heart out and letting you destroy it.”
Matthew’s expression softened. “Because you love her.”
Baldwin nodded this time, finally allowing himself to express what he’d been trying to deny for days. And it hurt just as much as he’d feared it would. He loved Helena. He wanted her.
And he still didn’t see a way out.
“If you love her, do something about it,” Matthew said. “There’s still time. Forget the rest. Your heart is telling you what to do, isn’t it?”
Baldwin shuddered. “If I did this, if I married her, I would be walking away from my duties. The debts wouldn’t be paid. The truth would come out. It would destroy my family.”
“Love is worth any sacrifice,” Matthew said. “If you don’t do it, you will spend your life wishing you had. The rest will work itself out.”
Shutting his eyes, Baldwin draped his arms over his knees and drew in a long breath. Matthew was offering him a lifeline. Imperfect, yes, with so much destruction as a consequence.
And now he had to decide if he would take that chance, and those consequences. He had to decide now.
Helena’s entire body shook as she staggered into the chamber she’d been sharing with Charity. She somehow made her way to the settee and dropped down on it, flopping an arm over her face as she tried to calm her ragged breathing and slow her racing heart.
This afternoon had been an utter travesty. Not only had the confrontation between Baldwin and her uncle very likely made everything worse for her, but to have the Duke of Tyndale walk in while Baldwin had her pinned to the wall? With him grinding up against her, her surrendering like a wanton?
She had no idea what would come of that. She liked Tyndale, of course. She felt he was a kind person. Perhaps he wouldn’t talk to anyone else about the scene. But she couldn’t be certain.
“And now she’s having a lay about.”
Helena jerked to a seated position and turned to watch her uncle and cousin enter the chamber. Charity’s head was bent, but Uncle Peter looked smug as usual. He arched a brow at her.
“You understand something, little miss. You are going back to Boston as soon as I can book you passage.”
Helena’s stomach turned, but she somehow managed to keep her expression calm as she stared up at him. In the end, Boston was likely the best option for her, not that she’d ever thought she’d say that. She had no one there. Her family had abandoned her. But that was better than staying here, being treated so cruelly and eventually watching Baldwin marry some heiress.
“I’m going to go get a drink,” her uncle said, and left the room without a backward glance for either his daughter or his niece.
When he had gone, Helena forced herself to get up. Charity was watching her now, her blue eyes unreadable. Helena smoothed her dress and wished she could smooth her emotions so easily. “Why do you hate me so much?” she asked.
Charity flinched, and to Helena’s surprise, a look of hurt crossed her face. “I-I don’t,” she said.
Helena stared at her in utter disbelief. Finally, she motioned her head toward the door. “Well, he does. But don’t worry, Charity, it seems that you’ll get your wish. I’ll be gone soon and then no one will come close to dulling your shine. Excuse me, I need a walk.”
She turned on her heel and left the room. She heard Charity say her name, but didn’t look back. She just kept walking.
Chapter Nineteen