Adelaide set the tome aside and tilted her head to examine Helena more closely. “Do you think it’s possible you might see more of Emma, of all of us, once you return to London?”
Helena pursed her lips. “If I am accompanying Charity to events where you are present, of course.”
“That isn’t what I meant,” Adelaide said softly.
Helena got up and paced away. “I don’t really belong in your circles, Adelaide, though you’re all so kind to include me. We all know the truth of it, don’t we? We can’t pretend it forever.”
“That’s poppycock,” Adelaide snorted. “And it still isn’t what I meant.” Helena turned toward her, and Adelaide gave her a look. “I’m asking about you and Baldwin.”
Helena’s lips parted. “You duchesses are relentless.”
Adelaide laughed. “We are that, yes. So if you know that, why don’t we stop beating about the bush? What is it between you?”
Helena sighed and returned to her seat. She held Adelaide’s gaze evenly and said, “Nothing.” Once again Adelaide snorted and Helena threw up her hands. “Very well. More than nothing. We are…we’re closer than I ever thought we could be. But it can’t happen, Adelaide, no matter what we want.”
Adelaide’s expression grew troubled. “When you first said that to me, I thought you were being coy. Trying to distance yourself from the kind of feelings so many before you have felt. But—but it’s more than that, isn’t it?”
Helena nodded, and relief and disappointment crested through her at once. “It is.”
For a moment, Adelaide hesitated. Then she inched closer and reached out to take Helena’s hands. The comforting warmth of that touch was a shock to Helena’s system, after so long without true friendship to buoy her.
“We are new friends, I know, but I hope good ones. Would you like to talk about it, Helena?” When Helena didn’t answer right away, Adelaide sighed. “I know from experience how hard it is to face these sorts of things without a confidante. I did the same when it was Graham and me, and it was trying.”
Helena’s lips parted. She could not imagine that anything could ever be hard between Northfield and Adelaide. They obviously loved each other deeply. She could also not imagine that her friend hadn’t been surrounded by support. But then, she knew so very little about all of the duchesses. There was implied struggle in all their pasts.
“I can’t speak to all the reasons that separate Baldwin and me,” she said. “Some are not my secrets to tell.”
“But if you want to say the ones that are,” Adelaide pressed. “I’m a friendly ear who only wants the best for you.”
Helena bent her head. “Baldwin said you might…you might understand. You’d been through something similar.”
Adelaide leaned closer. “Something similar?”
She lifted her gaze and stared at Adelaide. “I don’t want you to think differently of me.”
“I couldn’t,” the duchess assured her gently. “I promise you.”
Helena squeezed her eyes shut, and the words began to fall from her lips. Like she had with Baldwin, she told Adelaide all of her past. It was only when she was finished that she looked at the duchess again.
And found her staring back with understanding on her face. “That is the scandal,” she said softly. “That drove you from Boston.”
Helena nodded slowly.
Adelaide shook her head. “People are bastards. To blame you for an attack you didn’t cause, it makes my stomach turn.” Helena drew back from her harsh tone, from the defense she hadn’t asked for. Adelaide leaned in. “But my dear, you cannot think that those facts would keep Baldwin from you. You don’t think he’s the kind of man who would judge that?”
Helena gasped. “Oh, no! No, not at all. He’s been nothing but kind and gentle and accepting. He encouraged me to talk to you or to Emma since you two had—”
“Have a similar past.” Adelaide squeezed her hand. “Emma and I were very lucky. James stopped her attacker. Graham nearly killed him when he came for me. But yes, we both know a tiny glimpse of the terror you must have felt in those moments.”
Helena sucked in a breath, and then she felt the tears begin to fall. She reached up to cover them as shock flowed through her. She had put all this away long ago. And yet having support…it was like she was allowed to remember that she had been hurt. That she had been wronged.
Adelaide clucked her tongue and drew her in for a hard hug. “You cry, love. You just cry all you need to. You’ve earned that.”
Helena relaxed into the embrace, and for a moment she allowed herself the weakness she had fought against for so long. The pain she’d been denied. She sank into it and gave herself the gift of mourning the past, of what she’d lost.
And when she could finally breathe again, Adelaide smiled down at her. “It makes it a bit better, doesn’t it? Like a pressure valve that’s been released on the heart.”
“Yes,” Helena agreed through a thick throat. “It does.”
Adelaide smoothed a lock of hair away from her face. “But if you say Baldwin doesn’t judge you for that, then why do you believe you can’t be together?”
Helena straightened up a fraction and sighed. “I can only tell you that my past is not my only failing. I just cannot…be what he needs. It is the way of our world. I must—I must accept it. I must accept it and move forward.”
Adelaide’s face crumpled just a little. Helena couldn’t believe it. This was this woman’s empathy for her, her gentle heart that broke for what Helena had endured and would endure.
It meant everything to her to see it.
“I hope you’re wrong,” Adelaide said at last, and reached out to hug her again. “I truly hope you and Baldwin can find the happiness you so sorely deserve. Life is far too short for anything less.”
From behind them, Helena heard someone clear his throat. She and Adelaide turned together, and Helena’s heart sank. Her uncle and Charity stood in the doorway to the parlor. Both of them looked annoyed. Angry, even. And she had to steel herself for the consequences of what they’d seen.
“Your Grace,” Uncle Peter said, his tone cool.
Adelaide stood, Helena right behind her, and said, “Mr. Shephard, Miss Shephard. Good afternoon.”
“You can call me Charity,” Charity said, her tone sharp and laced with jealousy that made Helena squeeze her eyes shut.
Adelaide nodded. “Of course. I was just having the loveliest conversation with Helena. You have a gem in her, Mr. Shephard. I hope you appreciate it.”
Her uncle’s jaw set and he ground out, “Quite. Actually, Charity and I were just talking about our little…gem. Do you think we might have a moment alone with Helena?”
Adelaide turned toward her, one fine eyebrow arching. “If you feel we are finished with our conversation?”
Helena knew the message in her friend’s expression, questioning if she would be all right with her family. The truth was, she didn’t quite know the answer. But denying them would only make it worse in the long run.