A day later, my boots hit sand, and I’m overcome with the urge to kick them off. I dig my toes into the grittiness of the white beach. A wave splashes my feet, leaving them buried. It has been almost six years since I left home, and this is the last stop.
I run up the twisting switchback through the lazy town. What’s left of the place is ruins. The homes are broken and torn. Cracks in the stone storefronts are highlighted by the scorch marks of humbatons my father’s men made the day he took me, the day he took Nadia from me . . .
A little girl walks naked down the windy cobblestone street. There’s nothing in her eyes but hopelessness. She freezes when she sees me, terror stricken. I reach out a hand, but she runs down an alley between two crumbling buildings.
I walk up the crest of the hill to the manse, the house where I grew up. I don’t know what else I expected. A part of me wanted to see if it still stood, the place where the villagers would gather and play music around the fire. I imagine Nadia standing in the doorway holding a child in her arms, welcoming me home. It’s only a dream. All that’s left are rubble and ghosts.
EPILOGUE
SUSTAIN
Just before launch of the rocket purchased with the last wealth of House Ruska, I’m told by my sister that Phaestion of the House Julii mounted the champion’s dais. He announced his ascension to the College of Electors and promised the beginning of a “Golden Age.” He vowed to follow the path of the Great Song and conquer the universe.
For my part, I take a last look through my porthole at the small lonely planet hanging in space as the ship breaks the gravity well of Tao.
Why run, boy? I still feel the monster inside me. My father tried to bring it forth. Phaestion told me it was the truth of everything, but I know what it really is—suffering.
The pilot announces the ship’s approach to the Fracture Point. The hull rumbles, and a tear in the fabric of space opens. Some ancients used to say that life is suffering. The only compassionate response is acceptance. I accept that violence is a part of me, but I choose to listen to the leviathan no more.
I look through my small window. I see light everywhere and a great whirling tunnel in the blackness. It surrounds me. I feel a tug on my chest as if it is being pulled apart and opened, raw and naked for the first time. I feel music beyond words. I wish Nadia were here to feel it, too. And I realize she is. She will always be a part of me.
“Elder Stars illuminate only because there is darkness. A warrior can know righteous cause only because there is evil. Heart to thought, thought to voice, harmony rises from discord. This is the Balance.”
As the door of light pulls me in, I’m no longer Edmon Leontes. He was a spirit of pain. Now there is only kindness. Out there in the black, there are good people, kind people. I’m going to find them. My body sings. For a brief moment, I’m filled only with hope.