“Is marriage off the table for you?” I know it’s a possibility. Her first trip down the aisle was memorable for all the wrong reasons. I’d love to have the opportunity to replace it with new, better memories, but only if it’s something she wants, too, somewhere in the distant future.
“Just forget I asked that. It sounds stupid. I don’t want to get married, so don’t worry that I’m trying to push for that or anything, because I’m not.” She tries to escape so I tighten my hold on her.
“Are you asking because you’re afraid that’s what I want, or are you afraid I don’t?”
“I don’t know why I asked that. I need to use the bathroom.”
She’s still trying to wriggle free. “Don’t run away from me, baby.”
She stops fighting and goes limp. As soon as I loosen my hold she rolls away. I expect it. I know her well enough by now to understand her reaction to things. Just because she managed today doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard for her. I don’t let her get very far. I cage her with my arms and fit myself between her legs so she can’t bolt the way she wants to, the way she used to, before me, anyway.
“Did today scare you?” I whisper against her lips.
Her eyes flip open. She lifts a shoulder in a half-shrug. “They’re so happy together.”
I rub my nose against hers. “So are we. Nothing has to change.”
“Sometimes it terrifies me how much I love you. I didn’t even realize this kind of love was possible, but I don’t know—” She chokes on the words.
“Neither do I.” I stroke her cheek, her fear makes me sad, but I understand where it comes from. “I won’t push you for things you might never be ready to give, but I can tell you right now, I don’t want to ever be without you. I’ll revere you regardless. I don’t need a wedding to prove that.”
“You don’t need it, but would you want it?”
I traced the contour of her chin. “Would you?”
“Can you answer the question directly instead of with another question?”
“If given the option, would I want to marry you? Yes, Amie, but only if it was what you want, too. I have you in every way that counts. You live with me, you sleep beside me, you love me, that’s enough.”
“For now?”
Her uncertainty and worries aren’t unexpected tonight, so I don’t take them personally. “For as long as it needs to be enough. I don’t ever want you to feel tethered in this life again. I just want to keep your heart safe, baby.”
“When you say things like that you make me believe forever is possible,” she whispers.
“Good.” I brush my lips over hers. “That’s all I want, just you until the end of time.”
She twines her fingers in my hair, her legs wrapping around my waist with a soft laugh. “So totally just a hook-up.”
“Exactly. Just a permanent hook-up.” I break the kiss as I shift between her thighs. “Now I’m gonna love you, and you’re gonna like it.”
Her nose wrinkles, but she’s grinning. “Oh, you think so?”
“Oh, I know so.”
“How are you planning on loving me?”
“Like you’re my forever.”
And she is. No matter what that forever looks like, Amie’s mine, and I’m hers.
Acknowledgments
Sebastian, you’re my hero. Thank you for always being the biggest, most awesome cheerleader.
Debra, I hope we get to keep doing this until we’re living in trailers in Florida, writing books about forgetting to put your teeth in for a date.
Kimberly, you’re made of a special kind of awesome. Thank you for being such an incredible force.
To my friends and family who continue to support me on this sometimes wild and unpredictable journey, thank you. I’m so grateful for your love.
Huge love to my SMP family: Eileen, Titi, Marissa, Anne Marie, Heather, and Tiffany, you’re amazing and this has been such a joy. Especially the cover concepts. You make the hard work easy.
Jenn, you’re awesome. Thank you for dealing with me on a regular basis. Nina, we’ve been doing this together for a lot of years, my friend. Thank you for being on my side right from the beginning.
Sarah, you’re a godsend. I honestly have no idea how I functioned without you.
Hustlers, there is no other team like you. Thank you for being my ground floor and my safe place.
Beavers, you’re my best cheerleaders. Thank you for trusting me to take you on new journeys!
To my Backdoor Babes: Tara, Meghan, Deb, and Katherine, I’m so glad I have somewhere to talk about inappropriate things.
Pams, Filets, my Nap girls, 101’ers, my Holidays and Indies, Tijan, Susi, Deb, Erika, Katherine, Shalu, Kellie, Ruth, Melissa, Sarah, Kelly, Melanie, J, Ilsa, Kristy, Teeny—I’m beyond fortunate to be surrounded by such wonderful, supportive women.
Mike—thank you kicking my butt so I can sit in a chair for a lot of hours every day. I’ll keep bringing you cupcakes if you keep forcing me to do things I hate.
To all the amazing bloggers and readers who give their time, energy, and support so readily, thank you from the bottom of my heart—without you and your passion, we wouldn’t have this amazingly supportive community to rely on.