He drew another breath, his body and mind back under his control, and was relieved to find he’d only been out of it for a few seconds because Wendi was still scolding Colby.
‘It doesn’t matter if the girls are here or not,’ she was saying. ‘You leave your bad language and habits outside. You know that.’
‘Sorry,’ Colby grunted.
A brief silence was followed by Wendi’s chuckle. ‘No, you’re not.’
Colby’s answering chuckle sounded like a rusty saw blade. ‘Maybe a little.’
Adam glanced over his shoulder, watching Wendi drop a quick kiss on Colby’s mouth. ‘You’re going to strangle yourself,’ she told him fondly, tugging at the strings of lights that wound around his arms, legs, and even his neck. The resulting smile that bent Colby’s lips was startlingly sweet. Worshipful, even.
Adam abruptly turned away, ignoring the lump in his throat and denying the fact that his eyes stung. That, he thought, is what I want. That tender moment he’d just witnessed. Except he didn’t want just one moment. He wanted a lifetime of them. A kiss and a smile from the someone who cared about only him. Even if he didn’t deserve it.
Because he didn’t deserve it. Didn’t deserve her. Not yet.
But I will. I just need a little more time, that’s all.
Adam’s restless gaze swept the room, freezing on Diesel’s stricken expression as he also watched Colby and Wendi. Diesel lurched to his feet, muttering that he’d left something in his truck. He was out the front door before anyone could say a word.
Well, shit. It was pretty common knowledge among their circle of friends that Diesel had a thing for Adam’s cousin Dani, but hadn’t done a blessed thing about it. With a sigh, Adam descended the ladder to find Stone watching him, a concerned look on his face.
‘You okay?’ Stone asked. ‘You looked like you got dizzy or something up there.’
Dizzy. Yeah. It was an easy out and Adam grabbed at it. ‘I think I need something to eat. It’s been a long time since breakfast.’ He shrugged. ‘Blood sugar must have dipped.’
‘Then eat, stupid.’ Stone shook his head. ‘I brought a ton of food.’ He leaned forward conspiratorially. ‘And there’s beer in Diesel’s truck. Just don’t tell the warden.’
Adam flinched. He couldn’t help it. He shoved down the voice that echoed through his mind, It’s only beer. Just one won’t hurt. But one became two then a six-pack and before he knew it he was waking up hung-over and missing hours of memory.
Adam had opened his mouth to give his standard answer – no thank you, he was on call this weekend. If a body popped up, he’d have to go to work.
But Wendi jumped back into the conversation. ‘I heard you,’ she snapped, still sitting on Colby’s lap. ‘Dammit, Stone. You can’t have beer here.’
‘There’s no beer in here,’ Stone said. ‘It’s in the truck. Outside.’
‘It doesn’t matter.’ Wendi sprang to her feet, fists on her hips. ‘And don’t give me that look. You know the rules. You’re just being an asshole.’
‘I’m sorry. You’re right.’ Stone managed to appear contrite for all of two seconds before a smirk quirked his lips. ‘But you swore.’ He held up two fingers. ‘Twice.’
‘Ffffff . . .’ Wendi stifled another swear word and lightly smacked Colby’s arm when he choked back a laugh. ‘Hush, you. Fine, whatever. Take a break for a snack, but no beer. And don’t dawdle. It’s already four o’clock, and we haven’t started on the outside lights. I’d like the outside lights ready for the girls when they come home, and it’ll be dark soon.’
Adam blinked. He hadn’t realized it was so late. He’d specifically timed his tasks so that he could be gone before Meredith returned with Mallory. A sense of panic skittered through him. ‘I . . . I can’t stay much longer. I can come back later.’
Wendi frowned, her chin lifting in clear warning. ‘We’re not finished.’
‘I told you I had to leave by three,’ Adam said.
She skewered him with a glare. ‘Yeah, you did. Because you’re a coward.’
Adam set his jaw, bracing himself for the rebuke he deserved, but still hoping he could avoid it. ‘If I am or not, it’s not your business.’
From the corner of his eye, he saw Stone settle into a chair and grab the bowl of popcorn, his expression one of rapt fascination that the bastard didn’t even try to hide.
Wendi’s approach was quick and furious. She stopped when the toes of her shoes hit Adam’s. ‘You’re right. It’s not my business, except when it affects my friend.’
Her friend Meredith, who he’d wanted since he’d first laid eyes on her. The face he pictured when the cravings got so bad that his chest tightened until he couldn’t breathe.
Colby sighed wearily. ‘Wendi, honey. You promised her you wouldn’t. You promised me you wouldn’t.’
Anger flashed in Wendi’s eyes. ‘I know,’ she said to Colby without breaking eye contact with Adam. ‘But I can tell him that she’s not going to be back for another two hours at least. She took Mallory for an early supper downtown so they could see the fireworks.’
Adam’s panic dissipated and he drew a breath. He’d known about the supper. Had heard Wendi mention it earlier that week. Had known Meredith wouldn’t be back for a while. He’d wanted a buffer, but it didn’t look like he’d get as big of one as he’d hoped.
‘Fine. I’ll do the outside lights.’ He backed up a step, but Wendi matched it, staying with him, tears abruptly filling her eyes.
‘She’s sad, Adam,’ Wendi whispered hoarsely. ‘Sad and lonely because she’s waiting for you. If you don’t want her, let her go. Let her have a life with someone else.’
His chest was abruptly concrete. Hard, heavy, and immovable. No. He wanted to say the word, but he couldn’t make his mouth function. No. He couldn’t let her go. He couldn’t let her have a life with someone else. She’s mine. Mine, goddammit.
Air. He needed air. He shoved his breath out, sucked in another that felt like broken glass. He spun around and stumbled through the front door, just as Diesel had minutes before. God, aren’t we fucking peas in a pod?
The outside air was cold enough to shock him into drawing another breath, dry and cold. Bending at the waist, he braced his hands on his thighs and tried not to throw up.
Mine, mine, mine. The steady chant inside his head helped him regulate his breathing. Panic attack. He recognized it now that it was over. He hadn’t had one in months.
Not since the last time he’d had to walk away from Meredith Fallon.
She’s sad and lonely.
But I’m not ready. Not good enough. Not yet.
Cincinnati, Ohio,
Saturday 19 December, 4.00 P.M.
‘Let me help you,’ Meredith said once again. Sensing the boy wavering, she held her breath, waiting until his gun hand opened wide and the weapon fell to the floor. His shoulders sagged as a sob tore from his throat. Tears ran down his face.
‘I’m sorry, Lin.’ He fumbled with the zipper of his coat. ‘He’ll kill her. He’ll kill her.’ He looked up, his ravaged eyes meeting Meredith’s. ‘Get down. Run, for God’s sake. Run.’
The glass window shattered. And the boy’s head . . . exploded.
Meredith froze in shock, staring as the café erupted into screams and overturned tables. Already on the floor, Mallory grabbed Meredith’s jacket and yanked her down.
Another shot rang out, followed by a shrill scream, all while Meredith stared numbly at the gun in her hand, she hadn’t pulled the trigger. What the hell had just happened?
And then outside the café, the roar of an engine and the squeal of tires filled the air.
Around her, she heard the dull rumble of voices, many of them dialing 911. Shaking harder than the boy had, Meredith held on to the gun with one hand and fumbled her purse with the other. She found her phone and dialed without even pausing to wonder why she’d chosen the number she had.
Mount Carmel, Ohio,