It had been Hilary’s idea to send the album that had emerged to Robin’s old record company.
Robin’s not cured; she still struggles with towns, shopping centers, supermarkets, the list too long to finish. People en masse feel like a swarm, and the open air can feel choking. She has panic attacks where she still believes she’ll die if she doesn’t take exactly ten thousand steps before nightfall. But the space between them has grown. Robin is ready to be the strong one again.
“So here we are,” Robin says. She pulls Sarah’s suitcase out of the boot and they trudge up the front path. “Our new house.”
Sarah stands and stares at the front door.
“Just the two of us,” Robin says.
“Just the two of us,” her sister agrees, as she slowly reaches for her hand.
SLEEVE NOTES FROM ONLY FOREVER BY ROBIN MARSHALL AND CALLUM GRANGER
I didn’t write these words and I didn’t dream up this music. The heart of this album was created by the best friend I ever had and the only brother I knew.
For years, I was too scared to listen to the demo tapes he left me or to read the words he’d written so carefully. To see and to hear was to acknowledge the gap he’d left behind. Its vastness swallowed me whole.
It took my sister to hold my hand, to twist my arm up my back and to push me into the place where I could finally honor these memories. I hope you like what my brother started and what I finished. But I hope you won’t be offended if I say that it doesn’t matter either way.
Forever is too long to hide from memories, good and bad. So here are ours: hers, his and mine.
For my brother and sister, forever.
For my friends
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Before I thank the many, many people I need to thank, there’s something that I’d really like readers to know.
There are some very difficult and sensitive scenes and characters’ experiences in Don’t Close Your Eyes. Please know that I agonized over each of these and desperately wanted to be sensitive and respectful to those affected by suicide, family separation, sexual assault, pregnancy loss and mental health issues.
But for the thanks, the need for which is swelling with every book.
Thank you to everyone at Ballantine in the United States. And especially huge thanks to my lovely new editor, Julia Maguire, whose enthusiasm and notes gave me several late nights and many, many improvements.
To the incredible team at Corvus—especially my wonderful editor, Sara O’Keeffe, whose insights shaped this book immeasurably.
Thank you also to the publishers around the world who are releasing Don’t Close Your Eyes in translation. I could not have hoped for a more brilliant bunch of book lovers working on this novel.
As ever, my deepest gratitude to my intrepid, inspirational and incredible agent, Nicola Barr. The whole team at Greene & Heaton are the bomb. Special hat tip to Kate Rizzo.
Thank you to my parents and my family, including my sister—who I swear neither of the Marshall sisters is based on—not to mention bro-in-law, Mark, and my beloved little cherub of a niece, Eva.
Thank you (and sorry) to my adored children. I love you guys so much. Thank you for putting up with my glazed-over expression when I’m there in body but in 1990s Berkshire in my head.
I dedicated this book to my friends. I’m very lucky when it comes to friends and I love them all dearly, even if I’m way too English to say that to any of their faces. I’m slowly realizing that friendship and its importance is something that runs through everything I write. And those friends who have been lost will never be forgotten.
And to my best friend of all. My champion, my matinee idol, the Franco Columbu to my Arnold Schwarzenegger, my beloved husband, James. I love you, mate. Thanks for everything.