For the first time, Queen Lutia focused on her. “Prince Odar will make an excellent husband. I am not convinced, though, that he should be yours.” The queen turned and gracefully glided away.
Stunned, Allyssa clasped her hands, trying to refrain from screaming at the woman.
“As I stated before, my advisor will accompany you to Emperion and speak on my behalf.”
“You do not need to fear Emperion,” she assured the king. “We have no desire to rule over Fren.”
“And I will hold you to that.”
An overwhelming desire to punch the king boiled inside of her. She counted to thirty, reining in her temper. She had mistakenly thought she would be welcomed with open arms, that Odar’s parents would be thrilled their son was marrying someone he loved. In a room filled with people, including the one she wanted to marry, she’d never felt so alone.
“Thank you for your hospitality,” she said, her voice shaking ever so slightly. “If you’ll excuse me, I’d like to speak with your son to ensure my travel arrangements have been made.” Without waiting for a response, she turned and headed straight toward the prince, who stood across the room watching her. She stopped three feet away from him. “We need to talk.”
Odar folded his arms. “Allek, you can leave us.” She had forgotten all about her escort. “Come, let’s find a place a bit more private.” He went to one of the balconies off the western side of the room.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Allyssa followed Odar onto the balcony, a sick feeling in her stomach. At the railing, she gazed down at the beautiful garden, illuminated by the moonlight. He closed the glass doors behind them, and she waited for him to begin this dreaded conversation.
He came next to her and leaned on the railing, focused on the fountain below. “I hope the accommodations are to your satisfaction,” he said, his voice stiff and formal.
She almost screamed. They had been through too much to behave like strangers. “They are. Thank you for your concern.” She waited for him to continue. When it became clear he had nothing else to say, she asked, “Are the arrangements made for my journey to Emperion tomorrow?”
“I have two squads of my best soldiers prepared to escort you home.”
And now the question she needed to ask but feared the answer to. “Will you be accompanying me?” The words shook as she spoke them. Such a simple, loaded question.
He rubbed his face, still not looking at her. “My parents aren’t keen on aligning our kingdoms unless it’s absolutely necessary.” The festive music from inside drifted out to the balcony, a stark contrast to her tumultuous emotions.
“We aren’t certain where Russek stands.”
“I know, which is why we shouldn’t rush to get married.” He wouldn’t look at her.
So far, she’d heard a lot about what the king and queen wanted, but nothing about what Odar did. “I love you and want to marry you. I thought you felt the same.” She folded her arms, trying to hold herself together.
He gripped the stone railing, his knuckles turning white and the tendons protruding. “I don’t have the words to express the depth of my feelings for you. And that’s why we can’t marry.”
She sucked in a breath. “I don’t understand.” Tears filled her eyes, but she refused to cry. Blinking several times, she willed herself to remain calm.
“My responsibility is to my kingdom,” he explained. “If I marry you, how can I do what’s best for Fren when all I see, think, and feel is you?” For the first time since they’d come out onto the balcony, he looked at her, his eyes glassy. “All that my enemy has to do is threaten you, and I’ll give him what he wants to save you. Our experience in Russek taught me that. If I were to marry you, I wouldn’t be a good ruler. You make me weak.” He looked away.
It felt as if she’d fallen off a cliff. “I disagree,” she said, stifling a scream, needing to grab on to something as she fell. “I believe that love makes a person stronger.”
He shook his head. “I can’t. I love you too much. You’ll be safer without me.”
It felt as if she’d hit the ground, her body writhing in pain. “How will I be safer without you?”
“You need a better political match. A stronger one.”
Fren was an excellent political match, and she loved Odar. There could be no better scenario. “You’re being ridiculous.”
“I’m being practical!” he spat.
Fury raged through her. She stood tall, refusing to back down. “You want me to share a bed with another man?” Angry tears fell down her cheeks. “You want me to give myself to someone else?” Her heart hurt, as if someone had ripped it from her chest. She hated feeling weak, vulnerable, and as if everything was being taken away from her. And there was nothing she could do to change Odar’s mind.
“No,” he replied, his face white. “But then, my life has never been about what I want. I need to put my kingdom first, before my own wants and desires. And this is me doing that.” He removed the wooden ring he wore, the one she’d given him. He set it on the railing and turned, clutching the door handle, his back to her.
“That’s it?” she asked. “You’re just going to leave?” It was as if she had a handful of sand and it kept slipping through her fingers. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t hold onto it.
“I…I can’t look at you anymore.” He stormed off the balcony.
She stood there, stunned, her heart searing in an agony she’d never experienced before.
Allek came onto the balcony. “Are you all right?”
“I thought I’d been to hell and back. I was wrong. Fren is simply another form of hell, and I can’t wait to leave here.” She turned away from him. The lively music inside had turned to a slow tune. Picking up the wooden ring, she closed her fingers around it, holding it tightly. “I wish to be alone for a few moments while I compose myself.”
“I’m sorry, but that’s not possible. If you like, I can escort you back to your room where you will be away from watchful eyes.”
It felt as if a knife had been embedded into her heart, and a sob escaped her mouth. After all they’d been through together, he’d left her. How could Odar be so cruel?
“We can stay out here as long as you like,” Allek said, blocking the doors so no one could see her.
She didn’t want to remain on the balcony, crying like a weak, pathetic girl. “I wish to return to my room to prepare for my departure tomorrow.” Knowing she would see her parents again very soon provided enough hope to forge on.
“I will do my best to stay in the shadows so no one will see you in your present condition.”
As they walked through the palace, her conversation with Odar replayed in her mind. He didn’t want to marry her because he loved her too much? Was she being punished for killing Shelene, Eliza, and Soma? Was she now doomed to a lonely, loveless life because of her sins? No, that couldn’t be the case. Her sins negated other, far worse ones. She had done what was best for her kingdom. Holding her head high, she put one foot in front of the other, forcing herself to go on.