“That wasn’t your fault,” I said. “I tried to tell you at the time, but I was breathless and...”
He leaned in, pressing himself against my palm at his chest and scooting a little closer. “I’m really sorry about that. I didn’t know. I was doing what Dr. Green did to me once when...when I was afraid of those showers when I was younger.”
My eyes widened. His face was so sincere, silently pleading with me to understand him. “You?”
“I didn’t want to go in camp showers when I was younger. There were lots of bugs. And they were gross. I didn’t have the anxiety you have about showers, but I was stressing myself out. He did the same thing to me, showing me it didn’t matter by going into it with me.” He bowed his head. “I was trying so hard not to treat you differently than how we’d treat the other guys. Face things head-on. Thinking there were big bugs made me more afraid of the shower areas at camp, and I wasn’t looking at them as they were in real life. So he made me look at them and they weren’t that bad.”
It made sense to me. “You didn’t know about me,” I said. “I don’t like the bugs either, but...I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“I’m sorry you felt you couldn’t tell us,” he said. He brushed his palm over my cheek, holding my face. “Sang, we need to be open with you, so you’ll be more open with us. So of course I’ll go with you to see Lily. Whenever you want me to.”
My heart warmed, and I swallowed heavily so I wouldn’t tear up. I didn’t want to now. “I am sorry about Gabriel. And how things turned out. It shouldn’t have been a surprise.”
He pressed his lips together and nodded. “We...have a few things to talk about. But don’t worry. I...I’m not going anywhere. It was just unexpected.”
I was happy to hear that. I didn’t need answers from him now.
He wasn’t going anywhere. The others had said if he really didn’t like the idea, he would have said so.
He was adjusting. Like I’d had to adjust when I’d heard about the relationship dynamic of Lily and her team, and the possibilities. We could use their team as an example, but we were different. We had to figure out where we fit in together, among ourselves.
“Lily can help with that, too,” I said quietly. “We could talk about it with her.”
“I think it is a good idea,” Kota said. “Actually, I was thinking perhaps we all should talk to her. Separately or together. However they want.”
I breathed out slowly between my lips. It wasn’t a bad idea at all.
Kota continued to hold my hand and then reached out to me. He picked up a strand of hair that had fallen across my cheek. He shifted it to behind my ear, where it stayed.
He kept his green eyes on mine. “I...don’t want to go backwards,” he said quietly. “I might not be ready for...for exactly what this will become, but I was ready to kiss you and date you since I first saw you. But I’ll understand if I put you off...”
I shook my head. “I want to if you want to.”
He leaned in. I stilled, feeling a little strange, not wanting to press him.
I closed my eyes.
He kissed my lips softly once and then stopped, his mouth hovering.
His nose drifted over mine, rubbing a few times, like he’d done before he kissed me.
I smiled and smothered a giggle.
He kissed me again, a little harder, a little deeper.
A door opened below at the base of the stairs, and we held the kiss for only a second before I backed away from him with an apologetic smile.
Not that I didn’t want to continue, but I had to be mindful about the others, too.
Dr. Green appeared at the top of the stairs. He opened his mouth, uttered a few syllables, stopped and then blushed and started to backtrack down a step. “Sorry,” he said. “I can come back.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Kota said, standing quickly. He turned to me and smiled. “She’s not going anywhere.”
I grinned. Hopefully not.
Dr. Green came up. He was barefoot and wore the same jeans and shirt from earlier. He strolled over to the bed, glancing at the black duffle bag still on the floor beside it. “I came up to ask her what her favorite pizza was. North is fending off the others from eating the last few slices of a couple of them to make sure she gets what she likes. But I’m supposed to check her blood pressure again and other stuff.”
Kota laughed and headed for the stairs. “Other stuff sounds very doctor of you.”
“I’m a professional,” he said and winked at him.
Kota left, going down the steps and shutting the door.
I stood, crossing the room to meet Dr. Green halfway. “Did you get pizza?” I asked.
“Enough,” he said. He looked around the room and then scratched his chin. “I might have forgotten my medical equipment.”
“Did you really mean to check my blood pressure?” I asked.
He laughed and shrugged. “I should, but it can wait.” He held out a hand to me, palm up.
I placed my hand in his. “I still can’t believe what happened.”
“Great plan, wasn’t it?” He wiggled his eyebrows and motioned to the duffle bag. “Why haven’t you unpacked yet?”
I released his hand to pick up the bag and place it on the bed. “I can. Although if I’m going to be between homes for a bit, maybe I need a better bag.”
“Or you need to divide up your clothes among...” He grimaced. “Eight different homes? Geez. Maybe we do need a schedule.”
I started taking out some items from the bag. I found the journal I’d started writing in, and my cheeks heated as I lifted it out.
Next item on my list: find out how the others felt.
“Dr. Sean,” I said quietly, showing him the notebook. “I...”
He tilted his head, puzzled. He absently scratched at his elbow and came closer. “Something wrong? Did we leave something behind? I hope not, because I really don’t want to have to go back unless—”
“No,” I said quickly. “If you don’t mind, Mr. Blackbourne told me...”
He put his hands on his hips and rolled his eyes, tilting his head until he was looking at the ceiling. “Please don’t tell me. He wants to go over a schedule now? Or he wants us to keep a twenty-four-hour watch on your stepmother? Or go over details for the council...”
“No,” I said, reaching to stop him from continuing with a gentle hand pressed at his chest.
He refocused on me, with a slight jump when I touched him, but then pressed his hand to mine, holding it so I continued to touch him.
I smiled. “No,” I said more softly. “I told him how I wanted to know...what everyone thought of the relationship plan, how...they felt about it and any concerns. A few other things...” I showed him the notebook. “And he suggested I write my questions down. That we could pass it around. Everyone reads it, everyone can write out how they feel. It might make it easier.”
He nodded slowly and then released my hand to take the book from me. “You wrote down some questions?”