The Academy.
People who cared about me.
They were out there, and I was in here.
If it takes a month, will you keep fighting?
Mr. Blackbourne had asked me the question, but it was under different circumstances. If I could just get out of the house every once in a while and get to them... if the guys could sneak in at night... I thought I could be strong enough for this.
How could I tell him no? Even now, I would never dare do so.
Walking out...it would bring them trouble. It would cost favors. Who knew how many? Most of them had none left. They’d spent them on me. I didn’t know how much the Academy would forgive, but it all depended on me becoming the ghost bird they wanted.
So I had to follow through. I had to wait for them.
I breathed in slowly, letting air fill my lungs. Ammonia scents were filling the air around me. Carol was awake and mopping or washing who knew what downstairs.
I stared off aimlessly, waiting for someone to tell me what to do next.
The phone I held wasn’t buzzing. No messages at all. They were letting me sleep.
I was too restless to sleep.
I needed to do something. To give myself some hope that getting out was at all possible.
I had to give them some hope.
Dr. Green...his face...those eyes...he knew. He knew what I was feeling. I saw the doubt, the desire. If I didn’t find some sort of hope for us, they’ll do something drastic. Or I would.
Jimmy returned and crawled back into his cot. Either he’d just gone to the bathroom, or he was avoiding his mother so he wouldn’t have to clean. It was still early.
Eventually, he fell back asleep.
I rose slowly and eased myself off the bed. I didn’t want to wake Jimmy. He was on his back on the cot, the blanket wrapped over his entire body. The air was a little cold. The thermostat had been turned down.
I tiptoed into the hallway. Marie’s bedroom was very quiet. I touched the phone at my chest, wondering if I should check on her.
I stood at the top of the stairs for a long time, feeling the start of the carpet below my feet. There were small sounds of movement coming from the family room.
I could sneak out.
If I got caught, I could just say I was going for a walk. Wasn’t that reasonable?
Would I dare risk it?
I closed my eyes for a long minute, my heart thundering. Trying to be patient and let the guys figure out what to do next was the hardest thing to do.
However, I wanted to try again with Carol. A lot had happened last night. Could I change her mind? Could I turn this back to our original plan?
I took to the edges of the stairs, walking quietly through the house. I checked the master bedroom first.
The room was still. The bed was made. Extra pillows had been added. A few appeared to be decorative, with stiff lace and buttons.
The air smelled heavy with ammonia and bleach. I held a finger to my nose to stop myself from sneezing.
I followed the hallway around to the kitchen.
Carol wore blue slacks today, and another billowy shirt around her frame. This one had various pastel flowers and was a little sheer, but she wore a shirt underneath.
She knelt by the kitchen sink, pulling out various chemicals.
One was a bottle of vinegar. She took it in her hands, turned the bottle over. The light-colored liquid sloshed.
I backed up a step at the sight of the bottle. My body stiffened. My throat seemed to close in on itself. My hand covered my nose instinctively.
She put it aside on the floor behind her, next to various other cleaning chemicals. There was a trash can beside her, partially filled with dingy cloth rags and some old chemical bottles.
My lips twitched, wanting to begin and unsure how.
Eventually Carol looked my way and raised an eyebrow. Her voice croaked at first. “Still up with the birds?”
“I just couldn’t sleep.”
She nodded and then pushed off the floor until she was standing. She leaned against the sink with a heavy sigh. “Your father went into work early. He left before I had a chance to speak with him.”
It didn’t surprise me. He was escaping her, and escaping this house of secrets. How long would it be before he was spending his time away with some other woman and left Carol, too?
“I know I made a mess of things last night,” I said quietly. “My father said a lot of things.”
“You know,” Carol said, shaking her head, putting a palm up in a stop motion, “you don’t have to explain to me. Your mother sheltered you. Your father was away. When she went into the hospital this last time, and he left, the things you’ve done, I would have done.”
My lips twitched. She... sheltered me? I tried not to choke at the thought. What did she assume I was doing for the past few months? “Things have been tough,” I said quietly. “I don’t mean to cause trouble.”
“I appreciate that,” she said. “Which is why I hope you appreciate that I’ve taken charge. This isn’t easy for me, either.”
I nodded reflexively. However, I wasn’t sure I agreed with her choice to come here in the first place. “Ashley Waters isn’t too bad,” I said. “But I’m willing to try tests for a private school. I think Marie will go, too. We could try for a scholarship. It may make things easier for everyone.”
“I don’t see the point,” she said. She turned from me and knelt again, looking into the underside of the cabinet. Her voice echoed as she spoke to me. “I’ve decided we may as well move sooner than later. I can homeschool until the end of the year. We can work a schedule with an online school.”
Moving? My heart raced. She hadn’t changed her mind. “How...soon do you want to move?”
“With the money I’ll make from selling my old house, it’s enough to put a down payment for something nice in Savannah. I can possibly get us in within two weeks.”
Two weeks...I leaned against the wall of the hallway. My knees shook. I pressed a hand over my heart.
Two weeks and I’d be gone. It wasn’t enough time to convince her about any school. Kota...Nathan...the others...
There was no way they could convince her if she was determined to move now. My father should be here to stop her, and he wasn’t. He just abandoned us when he needed to be here to fix the mess he started.
I had to fix things, now. Or try to. “I...” I said quietly, swallowing back emotion to try to sound calm. “It’s all just so quick.”
“This house should sell pretty fast, too,” she said. “It only makes sense to do this now. The equity on this house won’t increase in a couple of months, and it’ll be better to do it before a divorce.”