Oakley was right; he was the perfect dad to me until I was a teenager. I thought I couldn’t have good memories of him because, why should I, when hers ended at the age of five? But I did, and nothing could change that – not even me.
And it was okay. It was okay because I hadn’t known about any of it. It was okay because my idolised vision of my dad disappeared the second I found out what he really was. It was okay because I could have good memories that would never change how he was nothing to me.
Closing my eyes, I reached for the key and turned the ignition on. I’d be okay. As much as I hated relying on something, I was going to keep seeing Carol. She helped, and, like Oakley, I wasn’t stupid enough to think that you do one thing, and all your problems magically disappear. This was more like another step towards letting it all go.
Making another appointment could wait until tomorrow. Right now I just wanted to be with my girlfriend and my daughter.
Holly smiled as I walked into her parents’ living room.
“Hey, I thought you’d be back earlier.”
“Sorry, I had something to take care of. Where’s Sophia?”
“Mum’s taken her out for a walk so I could have a bath in peace.” She twirled her damp hair around her finger. “Though I think she just wanted to show her off to my aunts.”
I sat beside her. Sophia’s okay; Sylvie would never let anyone hurt her.
“Alright, maybe it’s a good thing. I don’t want Sophia around when I talk about this.”
A frown filled with worry marred her flawless face. She pushed her long hair behind her ears. “What? Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, actually. I went to see my father today.”
Holly looked anxiously at me. “How did it go?”
“About as well as I expected. He gave me nothing but a lot of shit about getting better. Point is, he’s history.”
She pursed her lips, not even trying to hide her doubt.
“Alright, I know I should still talk about the past, but he’s not going to screw up the present. I doubt I’ll ever stop worrying about Sophia or Everleigh and nothing will change that.”
I exhaled sharply. I wasn’t doing a very good job of this.
“What I’m trying to say is that I’ve put something to rest, and I want to move on. Finally. A massive part of that moving on is telling you…” I took her hand. “Telling you that I love you, Holly. I love you so fucking much. And I love Sophia. Move in with me.”
I wasn’t sure whether her stunned silence was a good thing or not.
“Holly?”
“Are you sure?” she whispered.
“What? Yeah, of course I’m sure.”
“You love me? Not just because I’m Sophia’s mum?”
“I fell in love with you as we spent more time together and I watched our baby grow inside you.”
She raised her eyebrow. “You fell in love with me when I was getting fat?”
“Well you were never fat, but yeah. You’re smart, funny, caring, beautiful, and you’re the best mum in the world. What’s not to love?”
Her eyes glazed as if she was about to cry. “I love you too, Jasper. I tried to stop because you said so many times that you didn’t want another relationship, but I couldn’t help it. There’s no way I would ever hurt you.”
I reached over and wiped a tear before it fell.
“I know you wouldn’t. I trust you, Holly. Now, about moving in?”
A smile lit up her face, and she launched herself at me. I caught her and immediately worried she’d hurt herself, sometimes when she moved too quickly she winced. It had only been a few weeks since she’d given birth.
“Are you okay?”
“Hell yes, and of course we’ll move in with you!” She pulled back. “Is this why you didn’t buy another cot?”
I shrugged. “We don’t need two. How long until your mum brings Soph back?”
“She was taking her around the block and then to my aunt Sheila’s for her bottle.” She looked at the clock, calculating Sophia’s feeding times. “Probably about another ten or fifteen minutes.”
I laid her down on the sofa, and she frowned.
“You know I can’t do that.”
“You’ve got a one-track mind, Holly. I kind of love you even more for that. But that’s not where I was going with this. And for the record, we’d need longer then fifteen minutes!” I pressed my lips to hers and curled my arms around her.