CHAPTER NINE
LYING ON TOP OF Sebastian, feeling his wide chest heave with labored breaths, feeling the heat of his body waft around her, was something to which she’d quickly grown accustomed. His large hand still held her backside, massaging and squeezing. The man seemed to love her behind. She’d learned that he had a special fondness for that part of the female anatomy.
Brandi had a special fondness for him.
It hadn’t taken him long to breach her reserves. After that first night of sleeping together, when she had slept more peacefully than she had in years, Brandi hadn’t wanted to use her own room at all. Sebastian was always so careful of her, letting her have a dominant position in their lovemaking. They’d done away with the tethers after that one time. Though the ties still lay on the nightstand beside the bed, Sebastian hadn’t mentioned using them, so Brandi hadn’t, either.
She no longer needed the security of physical binding, not when she trusted him so completely.
After the night of dancing, he’d taken her back to the cabin and begun kissing her as soon as they’d closed the front door. He’d carefully aroused her to where she couldn’t see straight, then carried her to the bedroom where he arranged her over his big body and drove inside her.
The added stimulants of his hands and mouth being everywhere had been more than enough to chase away her fears. He never crowded her in bed, always putting Brandi on top. Like a puppet, she moved as he directed, trusting him to know what she would like, what would bring her pleasure. He never failed her.
More often than not, they slept that way afterward, her on top, his arms locked around her keeping her close.
Brandi knew her time with him was something she’d cherish forever, but she’d done the most ridiculous thing—she’d fallen in love with him. Five days ago she would have said a man like Sebastian didn’t exist. Now, on their last day at the cabin, she had to admit that a man like him did exist, he just wasn’t for her.
Sebastian stirred and she felt him lift his head to gently nip her shoulder. “What time is it?”
Brandi forced her eyes open to see the clock on the nightstand. “Four-thirty.”
“You should get to sleep. We’ll have to start packing up in a few hours.”
His voice sounded gruff, and she wanted to cry. The past five days had been magical. They’d both been changed by the trip to some degree. She and Sebastian had gone shopping, where he’d helped her buy more gifts for everyone—and even a few souvenirs for himself. He didn’t seem to mind so much now when he purchased something. He even seemed enthusiastic about it on occasion. Ice-cream cones, Ferris wheel rides, even having his fortune read. Small things, but they gave him enjoyment, and Brandi loved to see him relaxed and happy.
He’d volunteered to help her wrap all the gifts. They’d spent one entire rainy day in the cabin doing just that, then making love afterward in front of the fireplace.
He’d also given her everything she’d missed out on when growing up. He’d taken her parking to show her the dubious joys of making out in a car, and they’d laughed as much as they’d loved, especially when another car had come by and made them both think they’d been caught. He’d brought her wildflowers that now decorated the kitchen table in the cabin. Twice he’d carried her a tray so she could have her breakfast in bed. He’d pampered her and seduced her and wooed her. She loved him for it.
When the nightmare had come again two nights ago, he’d held her close while she struggled with her demons, and he listened while she talked. He hadn’t made love to her then, he’d simply let her sleep in his arms. The nightmare had faded away quickly. Soothed by the rhythm of his heartbeat and the security of his touch, Brandi had to wonder if it would ever come again.
They both knew this was their last night, and Brandi clung to him for a moment. Sebastian’s hands stilled, then he whispered, “Are you all right?”
“Hmm. I’m just not sleepy.”
“Well…” He had that husky tone to his voice that told her he was aroused again. He amazed her with his stamina and his interest. She’d never before thought of herself as a sexual being, but with Sebastian she felt insatiable.
Rising up on her forearms she put her breasts within reach of him. He clasped her waist and moved her upward a bit more until he could carefully catch a nipple between his teeth. Brandi moaned.
“You have the most sensitive breasts.”
“So you keep telling me.”
“That’s because it turns me on so much.”
She was grateful that she could give him pleasure, because he’d certainly given it to her. Cupping his cheeks, she pulled him away from her breast and looked at him seriously. “I’d like to make you happy, Sebastian. This is our last night together.”
He frowned, then caught her mouth in a ravenous kiss before saying, “I don’t want to think about that right now.”
She slid to the side of him, then surveyed his long body. With one finger trailing over his chest to his left nipple, she said, “What can I do for you?”
“Brandi…”
She loved his warning tone, the one that told her he liked very much what she was doing. She flicked his nipple, heard him hiss a breath past his teeth, then moved her hand down to his erection. “This part of your body fascinates me.”
In rasping tones he admitted, “Your fascination drives me insane.”
Brandi chuckled. Sebastian went still, not moving a muscle, and she hated that she caused him to do that, that he had to restrain himself now as much as the bonds ever had. Leaning down, she kissed his rigid stomach muscles, then dipped her tongue into his navel. He groaned brokenly.
“Do you know what I’d like to do?”
The groan turned into a choke. “I know what I’d like you to do.”
“I’d like to go the lake.”
Sebastian gave a raw laugh. “Aw, babe. You do know how to destroy a man, don’t you?”
Brandi pretended not to hear him. She knew what he wanted, and so far she hadn’t been daring enough to give it to him. But he’d sparked her curiosity, and she knew this might be her last chance to know all of him.
“I’d like to go to the lake and wrap up in a blanket with you. We could watch the stars and listen to the crickets and…make love.”
His fingertips trailed up and down her spine. “Is this one of your fantasies, honey?”
“Yes, I think it is.”
Sebastian had encouraged her to think of any fantasy she wanted, anything that appealed to her. And he’d made each and every one of them come true. But what he didn’t understand was that the fantasies were all about him, not about time or place or position. Certainly not about any other person. And Brandi couldn’t tell him, because she knew even though her fears seemed to have been put on hold, it was only because Sebastian was so careful with her.
He was a man, and how long would it be before the enforced caution bored him? Or worse, before he became annoyed with her and the restrictions? He deserved a woman as alive and open as himself, a woman unafraid to share herself in every way.
Not a woman with hang-ups that would eventually drive them apart.
Sebastian sat up and pulled Brandi into his lap. He nuzzled his whisker-rough cheek against her own soft cheek. “I can arrange this one, no problem. But are you sure you won’t get cold?”
Sebastian seemed impervious to the chills that often affected her. She could be freezing, and he’d be comfortable. As he’d told her in the beginning, his body temperature was degrees higher than hers. She’d count on that temperature—and her own excitement—to keep her comfortable.
“It’s been warm all day. I’ll be fine. Let’s just take some blankets. I want to stay to watch the sun come up.”
The small lake was located close to their cabin. They’d been there several times while exploring, taking long walks and picking flowers and watching the occasional rabbit or squirrel. After that one night when Sebastian had spent a small fortune, Brandi tried to make certain they stayed close to the cabin. When they did go out—during her second shopping spree—she’d requested lunch at an inexpensive diner. Sebastian seemed to think she was accustomed to more luxury than she was. Like him, she lived a simple life, especially compared to Shay. The one picnic lunch they’d had at the lake had been her favorite meal of all. There just wasn’t any way to convince Sebastian of that. He seemed intent on spoiling her, when it wasn’t necessary at all.
Sebastian didn’t complain as he pulled on jeans and a T-shirt, then gathered up quilts. Brandi put on her robe, tying the belt securely, but leaving herself naked beneath. If this was to be her last night with Sebastian, she intended to make the most of it. She could sleep anytime.
Sebastian was patient with her while she led the way to the lake. He even waited silently, his wide shoulders propped against a tree, while she took her time choosing a spot to spread the largest quilt. But when she untied the belt to her robe, he straightened.
“Brandi?”
The robe slid to the ground, leaving her naked in the pale moonlight. She’d never before so blatantly exposed herself for his view. Shyness had prevented her from being so bold, just as desperation now forced her to it. If this was to be her last night with him, she wanted everything, with no barriers between them.
There was no doubt he liked it. His gaze traveled over her in the shadows of the night, and she heard his low groan. Typical of Sebastian, though, he didn’t move; he waited for her to direct him. Not once had he taken the control from her, which was probably why she’d been able to let loose as much as she had.
“Come here, Sebastian.”
He kicked off his shoes and stepped into the center of the quilt with her. When he reached for her, Brandi took his hands, kissed each palm and then put them back at his sides. “Take your shirt off for me.”
The shirt went over his head in record time. Brandi took it from him and laid it by her robe. She would have liked to completely undress him herself, but he was too tall for her to pull his shirt off. That was, however, the only concession she was willing to make. His jeans were very reachable.
She slid her cool fingers over the hard, heated skin of his abdomen, then under the first button of his fly. A soft breeze blew around them, bringing with it the scent of the lake, the azaleas and the dew-wet grass. The air was silent except for the rustle of leaves and their mingled breaths.
The first button slipped free. Brandi dropped to her knees and kissed the small patch of hair-rough skin she’d exposed. Sebastian sucked in his stomach on a startled breath.
The next button was a little more stubborn, but then the third and forth came undone with no difficulty. Sebastian hadn’t bothered with briefs, and she could now circle the hot, hard length of his shaft with her hands. Brandi nuzzled his erection against her cheek.
His hand touched her head, then fell away. “Brandi,” he groaned. “Honey, you’re killing me.”
She began working the jeans down his thighs to his knees. Her mouth trailed in the wake of her fingers, drifting over his inner thigh. “I love how you smell, Sebastian.”
His hands hung in fists at his sides. In a strangled rasp, he asked, “How do I smell?”
“Warm and musky. Sexy. Very male.”
“Brandi, why don’t we lie down now?”
“No. Not yet.” She wanted this night to be special to him, and she wanted it to be enough to carry her for the rest of her life. There would never be another man like Sebastian. He’d given her back herself, shown her how to be a woman again. But she’d never be woman enough to keep him happy. Though she loved him, he deserved so much more than she could give.
The thought caused her heart to ache, but she banished reality by leaning forward and drawing him deep into her mouth.
Sebastian cursed and groaned and for one instant, his hand tangled almost painfully in her hair. Brandi started to pull back, fearing he’d lost control, but he released her and locked his hands behind his neck.
“Sebastian?”
He panted. “Sweetheart, what you’re doing… I like it very much.”
Brandi licked her lips, still tasting him. “If I do it wrong…”
He laughed, a hoarse sound of disbelief. “There is no wrong way, babe. Not between me and you. Just please don’t quit on me.”
“No. I won’t do that.” Then she leaned forward. “Do you like this?” She licked the very tip of him and heard him gasp. “And this?” Her mouth slid slowly down the length of him until she couldn’t take any more into her mouth. Sebastian’s only answer was a broken moan.
She realized there was another fantasy she wanted to fulfill, and she went about working toward that end. She knew her movements were awkward, but he didn’t complain. Far from it. He begged and cursed and praised. And finally, after his entire body had started to tremble in taut expectation, he pulled away from her and quickly kicked free of his jeans.
“Sebastian?”
Swearing, he knelt down and dug in his pocket until he found a condom, but his hands shook too badly to put it on, and Brandi took it from him. She hadn’t finished what she’d started, but she wanted him too much to quibble. Deftly sliding the condom over his swollen member, she reacted to his urgency. Sebastian heaved beside her, and his hands were hard as they grabbed her around the waist and lifted her onto his lap. He drove into her with one smooth, powerful thrust, and came almost simultaneously. Brandi was so excited herself, knowing she’d driven him to such a degree of desire, she only had to continue to move on him a half minute before she, too, exploded, then slumped against his chest.
Long minutes passed in silence while they held each other, and Brandi wondered if Sebastian, too, was already feeling the loss. She didn’t want to go back, but she knew it was inevitable. She had a job and a family. He had his work and his house.
She’d never get to see his house, she realized. In her mind, she’d pictured it, how it would look, how it might be improved even more with a woman’s touch. Only she would never be that woman.
Surely they would run into each other again. After all, he was a friend of Shay’s, helped her with the shelter, and Brandi spent much of her time with Shay working on getting donations and assistance for the shelter.
But when she did see him, she wouldn’t cause a scene. She’d be mature, and friendly. Never would she make him regret his generosity. Never would she make him uncomfortable for having given himself to her.
They spent the rest of the morning at the lake, not talking, just holding each other. And when the sun came up, Brandi did her best not to hate the coming day. Sebastian kept her warm, wrapped in his heat and a blanket. Just as dawn broke, he made love to her again. It was probably just her heart breaking, but his movements seemed as desperate as her own.
Three hours later, they caught a plane for home.
WITH EACH PASSING SECOND, Sebastian grew angrier. Damn it, how could everything just end as if none of it had ever happened? Yet that was evidently what Brandi wanted. On the plane, she’d distanced herself from him, only holding his hand during takeoff and landing. She’d even suggested they take separate rides home, to save him the time of going by her house. Luckily, Shay had sent the limo after them, giving him a good excuse to refuse her offer.
He’d wanted to shout then, but he’d held himself back. Hell, he’d been holding himself back from the start. She didn’t even know him, because he hadn’t wanted to hurt her, hadn’t wanted her to be disappointed by the fact that she’d given herself to him. He also hadn’t wanted the Gatlinburg trip to be the end of their relationship.
Several times he’d started to tell her how he felt, only to draw up short. It probably had something to do with the poor kid still in him, but he didn’t want to risk her rejection. She’d had a whole new world opened up to her, and she deserved a chance to explore that world. On the other hand, everything basic and primal in him demanded he claim her, that he make her understand she belonged to him and only him. He tried to convince himself it was only the erotic sexual circumstances of their time together that was making him feel so territorial. But he’d been with plenty of women, and he’d never felt this way before.
He knew it would never happen again.
She hadn’t asked to see him, hadn’t mentioned furthering their relationship. For Brandi, it seemed to be over with already, and she wasn’t even home yet.
He felt the tension building with each mile that passed. He had to do something before he lost his head and transformed into a barbarian. Turning to Brandi, he asked, “Will Shay be coming by to see you?”
She sent him a small smile. “No doubt. She’s probably waiting on my doorstep.”
Sebastian wondered if Brandi would tell Shay about them. Not that it would matter. Brandi was her own woman, independent despite her reserve. He remembered first meeting her—it seemed like months ago, rather than days. She’d been adamant and outspoken in her desire not to go anywhere with him. She hadn’t wanted him, not even as part of a luxurious prize package. She had no trouble leading her own life.
She’d only needed him for sex.
He’d given her that, even though their intimacy had been controlled. It should have been enough, should have been the ultimate fantasy, but now it made him feel empty. Rather than being anxious to get back to his house, and to the job he loved, he dreaded each minute that passed. It put him one minute closer to losing her.
He cleared his throat, trying to chase the panic away. “When will you go to the shelter?”
“First thing tomorrow. I can’t wait to give the kids their presents.”
He forced a smile. “I’m sure they’ll be excited.”
“I appreciate all the help you gave me, picking out the gifts and wrapping them.”
“I enjoyed myself.”
Brandi hesitated, her hands twisted together in her lap. “Sebastian…”
Hoping to hear an invitation, some clue as to how she felt, he held his breath and waited.
“I want you to know how much this trip has meant to me.”
The anger hit him, but he controlled it. Trying not to sound sarcastic, he said, “No problem. It wasn’t exactly painful for me.”
Brandi looked confused, her gaze darting over his face, then away. Her voice dropped and he heard a slight tremor in the tone that hadn’t been there moments before. “It was very special to me. And I’ll never forget it.”
He’d hurt her feelings and now he despised himself for it. Damn her new freedom, her rights. Yes, she deserved some time to sort out her feelings, but that didn’t mean he wanted to let her go cold like this. He put his arm around her and tugged her closer to his side. Her face turned up to his, her expression wary, and he whispered, “We’re…friends, babe. I hope you’ll call me if you ever need to talk or visit.”
She blinked, looking pleasantly surprised by his offer, and she gave him a shaky smile.
Then he added, “Or if you ever need this.” And his mouth closed over hers. He didn’t care if the limo driver watched, he didn’t care if the whole world saw them.
Brandi’s fingers dug into his shoulders, not to push him away, but to hold him close. His tongue slid along her lips, then inside. He ate at her mouth, devouring, consuming. He wanted her to remember him, he wanted her to realize this was special, not something she’d find with any other man.
Not something she could toss away.
He pressed her back against the seat and heard her soft moan as his fingers found and toyed with her nipple through her dress. He wanted her in his mouth. He wanted her naked beneath him.
He wanted her.
Realization came slowly, but the stillness finally penetrated his brain. The limo had stopped. Sebastian lifted his head and he scanned the area. Brandi’s house. It was over.
He looked at her and saw her damp parted lips, her eyes still closed. With a gentle kiss he whispered, “You’re home, Brandi.”
Her thick lashes lifted and she gazed at him a moment before comprehending. “Oh.” She tried to straighten herself and Sebastian couldn’t help but smile as she tucked dark curls behind her ears and they immediately sprang forward again to frame her face. He loved her hair. Loved her face. He loved everything about her.
The driver had been busy unloading Brandi’s bags from the trunk. He carried them up to her front steps and Sebastian started to get out to help. She caught his hand and stopped him.
“I’d rather say goodbye right here.”
He settled back into his seat, staring at her hard. He couldn’t let her go like this, not without giving her fair warning. He wouldn’t commit himself, but he had to at least let her know things weren’t over, no matter what she thought.
“For the past five days, I’ve let you call the shots, Brandi. And I don’t regret one second of it. But the trip is over and from now on, I’m playing by my own rules.”
Her eyes widened and her voice was weak. With arousal? “I don’t understand.”
Sebastian grinned. Having made up his mind to take the decision away from her, he felt much better. Patience no longer suited him well. “Sure you do.” He cupped her cheek and smoothed his thumb over her kiss-swollen lips. “There is no goodbye, Brandi. Not between us. You may not realize that yet. But you will. Soon.”
She stared at him in confusion and, if he didn’t miss his guess, excitement. Then she scurried from the limo and hurried up the walk to her front door. Sebastian watched her, waiting. At the last moment, she turned to look back at him.
He’d give her twenty-four hours to think about things. Then he was staking his claim. Maybe he was a barbarian, after all.