Once and Again

chapter Seven



“I don’t see why you can’t be around more often. Mom needs the help and you’re freeloading.” Nancy was seated at the kitchen table when Lily walked through her door.

Who was freeloading? Boy did Nancy pick the wrong day to be self-centered. She’d just returned from the counselor’s office where they’d discussed ways for Lily to broach her mother’s substance-abuse issues. She was wrung out and emotionally on edge.

And totally and utterly done with this nonsense.

“Why are you in my place?”

“Your place? Seems to me this is Mom’s place.”

Not so much, but nothing she needed to share with Nancy. “Huh. You spend an awful lot of time thinking about this apartment. You might need some help with that. So again, why are you in my place?” She hung her bag up and noted her sister had rummaged through things. “Also, this isn’t a garage sale, don’t rifle through my stuff. If you want to borrow something, ask.”

“Why are you such a bitch?”

“This isn’t going to be your day to act like this with me. Just be warned. Now, back to the question. Why. Are. You. Here?”

Nancy started to reply and then apparently thought better of it. Her mouth flattened and she took a moment before speaking. “I need five hundred dollars.”

Oh surprise.

“I just had to give up a full-time job to move back here to help Mom. Even if I had a spare five hundred dollars, you still owe me twenty-five hundred dollars from last summer. You are aware of those things called jobs right? I know you’re unfamiliar with the concept, but that’s how people earn money so they’re not constantly asking people for loans they never pay back anyway.”

“Things always come so easy for you. You come here and live off Mom, and you can’t lend me five hundred dollars?”

“No. I can’t. Even if I had it to spare, which I don’t. Now, get out.”

“I’ve been telling Dad you’re selfish. He agrees.”

“Oh does he? Well who better to make moral pronouncements than a man who dumped his long-time wife for an empty-headed pair of fake breasts on legs.”

“He’s your father! She didn’t understand him. You don’t know what it was like.”

“Oh for God’s sake! Neither do you. If he’s so great, why aren’t you at his house asking for five hundred bucks?” She looked her sister up and down. “Yeah, thought so. Now get out and don’t come back in here unless you’re invited. Like it or not, this is my place. I’ve got a rental agreement as it happens.” She’d done it to protect her mother, but this was an added bonus.

“You think you’re so much better than everyone else because you came back to this shithole of a town to help with Chris. But I see right through you. Your life in Macon not what you wanted? Decide to come home and see if you can’t get Nathan again? It’s not that hard to convince Nathan to have a little fun.”

No. There was a lot she’d believe of Nathan, but messing around with Nancy wasn’t one of those things.

Lily opened the door. “Get out, Nancy. I’m not kidding. I don’t have to take any of your crap. I didn’t when we were kids and I don’t now. I don’t have to answer to you about any of this.” If Nancy had had a purse, Lily would have been worried her sister helped herself to whatever she took a liking to. But she didn’t and Lily would lock her door from now on.

“You think you’re better than me. Went off to Atlanta and got yerself a diploma. It don’t make you special. Some of us had to make our way a lot earlier. They paid for your fancy school so you could come back here and curl your lip and judge me. You got everything handed to you. And you’re too selfish to help out your flesh and blood. I bet you’ve given those Murphys money. But not me.”

Unbelievable! Something just broke and all her anger, all the things she’d bitten back over the years began to bubble up.

But as usual, Nancy didn’t listen to anything Lily said and the warning she’d given when she walked in had gone right over her head.

“I think you like it when you get to feel superior over other folks. You’re slumming here on purpose. Why else? Mom’s useless and Chris is going to be a loser. You pretend to be the good daughter but where is all your love for your own father? You can’t stand it that he loves me best. That’s why you like the Murphys. They’re low-rent trash and you love that, don’t you?”

“You are a selfish, hateful bitch. I’ve never in my life met anyone more petty and vicious than you are.” Lily had to shove her hands in her pockets before she fisted one and punched her sister in the nose.

“F*ck you, Lily. I’m your sister and you can’t even help me? Who’s the selfish one?” Nancy’s chin jutted out.

“For years I’ve taken your crap. I’ve loaned you so much money it’s not even funny. I’ve let you stay in my house, borrow my car. You’ve never once even said thank you! I’m done. You hear me, Nancy? I am done taking any shit from you. Leave me alone or we can go to it. But you’ll lose because you don’t even care. You don’t even care what you’re arguing with me about. You just want to argue for the sake of it. Because you’re lonely and bored.”

Her sister’s face hardened. “I’m lonely? You have no life at all. Shouldn’t you be married by now? With a passel of kids that you can lord over everyone? But you can’t because no one loves you. You got no man and you got no friends. So you come back here and take care of Chris and take credit.”

“What happened to you, Nancy? What happened when we were kids to make you this way? If this is what being Dad’s favorite gets you, I’m grateful he loves you best. Or that you think he does. Because deep down you know he loves himself and his pecker. You’re a distant choice after other women and his own business. Maybe that’s why you like to screw married men.”

“I never!”

“Bullshit.”

“You can’t handle the truth, Lily. If we start talking truth, you’ll be sorry.”

Lily laughed, even as she wanted to cry at what she knew was inevitable. “Bring it the f*ck on! Let’s go. You’re a stranger to the truth, Nancy. Why don’t you build a life? Make some friends whose husbands you won’t f*ck while their backs are turned? Make a life for yourself that’s more than just one breakup to the next. Now get your ass out of my place and don’t come back.”

“I could make trouble for you with Mom.”

“You’re certainly the kind of person who would use her family to hurt each other because it amused you. Nicely though, I have legal papers both Mom and Dad signed. I’m Chris’s guardian. I make the decisions where he’s concerned and I don’t need your permission for anything. Dad’s too busy with his teenage whore and you’re too self-obsessed. Mom’s having a hard enough time of this. If you hurt her, I will come after you. I’m not the same girl you used to casually abuse. Don’t you f*ck with me, or I will end you.”

The way her sister’s face paled was a balm to her annoyance. Lily didn’t usually act like this, but it felt so good she wondered why she’d hesitated.





She really had no idea where she was going, just that it was away from Nancy and Petal for a while. Chris was able to work out a deal with his chemistry teacher to make up labs by spending the weekend at a science fair in Nashville. She’d driven him to the bus that morning and he’d seemed excited. More engaged with school than he had been the entire time she’d been back in Petal.

Lily had offered to volunteer but they had enough parents, and Chris had wanted to do it on his own to prove he could. The teacher had her cell number if things went wrong. She knew a few other people who’d be chaperons and they all promised her to keep an eye on Chris too. So she’d taken a deep breath, wished him good luck, and driven away hoping she’d made the right decision.

And then she’d gone back home to find Nancy there. Ugh.

So Lily had found her mother, said she was taking the day to go run errands and headed out of town.

Which is how she found herself standing in the romance section in a bookstore near the center of town in Atlanta. It had been a long time since she’d had nothing pressing but what book to choose and she planned to take her time. Then maybe she’d have a late lunch and some cocktails. Hell, she might even spring for a night in a hotel if she wanted to have a few more than some. She felt weird drinking at home with her mother in the state she was in, but she’d also dropped Pamela off with her friends for some sort of afternoon thingy, and as Polly Chase was involved, Lily felt safe in leaving. Nancy would be frustrated no one was around to listen to her whine and go. Win win, really.





Nathan had been walking down the street. Peering in windows as he’d gone along. A coffee shop. Clothes. Shoes. Candles and then books. He nearly fell over as he jerked himself to a stop when he caught sight of a gleaming, dark head of hair bowed over a book. Long legs, peep-toed shoes, red nails.

Then he realized it was Lily. Which was ridiculous as she wouldn’t be in a bookstore on a Friday afternoon. Hell, he shouldn’t even be there on a Friday afternoon, but it had been an in-service day and he’d finished up two hours before. His little sister Jill had needed something from Tate so he drove to his favorite hotel in the city, checked in for the weekend and then hand-delivered it to her at her job just ten minutes before.

As if he’d said her name aloud, Lily turned and caught sight of him. Smiling at first, and then blinking and cocking her head.

This was fate.

He turned around and headed inside.

Sure she might try to escape, he moved directly to where he’d seen her, and as he’d thought, bumped into her as she was on her way out. “Now lookie here. What are you doing in Atlanta on a Friday afternoon?”

Her sigh was clearly annoyed, which only amused him for some sick reason. “How the hell did you know I would be here? I didn’t tell Beth or any of your other meddling siblings.”

He laughed, and she sniffed primly and shook her head.

“Coincidence. I had to bring something to Jill and decided to stay here for the weekend. What are you up to?”

“Book shopping. Chris is on the science-fair trip. I wanted to get out of town for the day. Aren’t you supposed to be teaching a bunch of ungrateful teens until three?”

He told her about the in-service and then took a gamble.

“Let me take you to lunch.”

She paused and he saw the argument on her face. “Please. We’re not in Petal. Chris isn’t around. I’m not his teacher right now. It’s just Lily and Nathan.”

She sighed. “All right. I’m hungry though, I warn you. And I need a drink.”

“You can tell me why when we get the drinks ordered.” He held his arm out and she took it after a hesitation.

They walked and talked, and man had he missed that rhythm they’d had before. It was there, just ready to pick up, and he wondered if she felt it too.

Her scent hung between them as he held her chair out and they sat. Not bothering to try holding back, he leaned close and breathed her in.

He didn’t miss the shiver and catch in her breath. He also didn’t hide his grin as he sat and took his menu up.

“Why did you decide to stay in Petal to teach?” she asked as they perused the menu.

“My family was there. My brothers and sisters. I knew they’d all be having kids and settling down, and I wanted to be around. I knew the school needed teachers. I taught math for a few years and then humanities and English lit. It’s been good to find my place. The principal is good at her job. She cares about the community and the teachers as well as the kids. There are far worse places I could be. Plus I could afford a house after a few years of saving.”

They ordered and he turned to her again. “Now tell me why do you need a drink.”

Lily took a few bracing gulps first. “My mother lives in a fog of pills washed down with wine. She fell last week and told Chris not to tell me.” She paused to take a breath. “She’s a wreck, and I have to constantly watch her and try to keep Chris from noticing. But he did notice, and he’s a mess and I worry I’m failing him but I’m just making this all up as I go along.”

Well that wasn’t the story he’d expected at all. Beth had mentioned Mrs. Travis having some problems, but she hadn’t been specific and had told him to ask Lily.

He knew a few things about parents who drank too much, but his experience wasn’t hers, though it was hard not to frame it all from his perspective. “If she’s falling, it’s only going to get worse.”

“I know. I’m here because she’s with her friends all day and Chris is gone. Polly is with them, and she told me on the sly that they all planned to have her stay the night with one of them. I hate that they all know. But I don’t know what else to do. Stay there. Which I do, of course. But Chris asked me to talk to her about it, and so I went to the counselor we’ve seen a few times to run over some ideas with her on how to broach the subject. I get to do that when I return home.”

He ached for her. Knowing that pain. Knowing she wanted to help both her mother and her brother. Knowing firsthand that no one could make Pamela stop it unless she wanted to.

“On top of that, my sister was in my apartment when I got back today. She picked a fight. I should have let it go. It’s not like she actually cares about what we’re arguing over. She just wants to upset me and make me lose my temper. So she won today.”

He had a few opinions about the useless Nancy Travis, but he kept them to himself, knowing Lily needed to talk it through.

“I used to think that when we got older we’d get past this. Maybe I’m not trying hard enough. But she’s convinced our father is coming back and convinced our mom should take him back. She said some pretty unforgiveable stuff. I replied in like fashion, I guess. Not my finest moment.”

“What’d she say?”

“Nancy?” She paused to take a few sips of her drink. “Man that’s going to hit me in a few.” She smiled up at the server. “Can we get some bruschetta while we’re looking at the menu?” The server assured her he’d get right on it and left to make it happen.

“You’re good at that.” He grinned, putting his menu aside.

“At what?”

“With servers. You smile at them and they only want to please you.”

She blushed and then laughed. “Oh yeah, right.”

“First at the Sands and right now. You’re a beautiful woman and your smile is gorgeous. You were beautiful then too. But now you’re more.”

She stopped laughing and took him in, clearly weighing what he’d said. And where this was going.

“I want you. You know that.” He shrugged.

“Nancy claims you and she dallied.” The look on her face told him she thought it was a lie, and he relaxed a little. “I know she’s lying. She just wanted to hurt me.”

“Would it have? If it was true. Which it isn’t.” He wished that hadn’t sounded as coy as it had.

Again the long pause. “Yes it would have.”

That felt good.

“She did come on to me. Several times.”

“While we were together?”

The server brought out the bruschetta, took their orders and retreated.

It was his turn to pause because he’d never told her. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her then and he sure as hell didn’t now. But he had to and he hated it.

“It doesn’t matter. She was pitching but I wasn’t catching. She’s not you, baby. Never. Ever in a million years would she be. I know you might have trouble believing that after the kiss you walked in on. But that’s the truth. I didn’t even want that kiss. It was one very brief moment when I thought about the alternatives. A half a breath and it was over. But you came in before it was over and then you left. And I was an idiot and this is what got us here. I don’t want any lies between us now. I want to make it work this time around. Your sister doesn’t have your best interests at heart. She never has.”

Lily breathed in deep, and he tried not to groan when she took a bite and then swiped her tongue over her bottom lip to catch some tomato.

“I don’t know. She’s…difficult. Ugly. Resentful even though she’s at fault for her own messes. My mother lets her get away with it. Hell, maybe it’s me. Maybe I have been handed everything so I’m spoiled.”

She finished her drink and he signaled for another. He wanted to fix this for her.

“No. It’s not you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? When she came on to you.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you. It didn’t mean anything to me.” It wasn’t as if he’d even considered the rather crudely repeated offers from Nancy anyway. He’d always wondered if she’d done it just to hurt Lily and he didn’t want any part of that. And Nancy Travis was a pale shadow of her sister. That’s why she was so angry and resentful. Lily was vibrant and lovely. Caring.

“And if Tim came on to me? How would you feel about me not telling you?”

He bared his teeth a moment at the thought. “That’s different.”

One of her brows rose. “It is? Pray tell, how?”

“Tim and I are close. And he’s not a psycho like your sister.”

She held back a smile but he saw it in her eyes. “That’s a lame excuse.”

“It is. But it’s the one I’ve got. Now. On to better things. When do you have to be back home?”

Her gaze locked with his. “This is a bad idea, Nathan. We did this before and it didn’t work. Took me a long time to get over.”

“It could have worked. We had the connection then and you can’t deny we still do. I’m older and a lot wiser I hope anyway. You are too. It didn’t work because I was a stupid boy. But I’m a man now and I won’t lose you again. We’re here. I have a room in this very hotel. I want you naked. I want to be in you. I want to know what you taste like now.”

Her breath caught and her pupils swallowed the iris.

“I don’t have to be back until tomorrow.”