She might have been burnt if he hadn't been there, but she would have lived. Nik would have lived. And they would have been far better off than Alf was now.
But still for some stupid, idiotic reason Alf believed he had to protect her. And she loathed herself for it. She could never live without guilt again. She couldn't look him in the face again. She couldn't see those scars. The torturous guilt and agony knowing it was her fault would chew away at her soul.
So it was like being thrown a lifeline when Nik made a proposition that would mean she could avoid Alf, at least for a while.
When Nik walked into the cabin she turned away, unable to look into the eyes of her ruthless Pack Leader. She couldn't see the man she'd grown to love -to care so much about- in the body of this stranger standing before her.
The truth was that even after what he'd done, she was afraid that when she looked into his eyes that's exactly what she'd see: Nik Driver, her friend, her secret love; the man who could have been the father to her niece, or nephew.
To still be able to see that person in those killer's eyes was more terrifying, than not seeing him there at all.
She stared out the window. The edge of the lush green field was empty. No one was out today. The rest of the view from the window was taken over by a symphony of beautiful, enormous silver birches, beeches, aspens, maples and pines amongst others. She had grown to love this place. Now it pained her to be here -to be alive and well when others weren't.
When he didn't speak she thought he'd gone -had given up trying to get her to talk when everyone else had failed- but as silently as the grave, he came up behind her and touched her shoulder. She flinched, swinging round to find him beside her. She glanced up, scanning past his strong Roman chin, and sharp, sword nose to his dark, penetrating green eyes. He looked tired, his eyes ringed with dark circles and his face shadowed with black stubble.
She pinned herself as close as she could to the window frame. He didn't touch her again.
“I won't try and explain myself because you're not stupid,” he said in a quiet voice. “And I won't justify it either because right now, I know you'd find it hard to understand. I'm a cruel, merciless monster. That's what your eyes are telling me.” Then his tone changed as he said, “Those beautiful, green-blue eyes that change colour like they're bewitched, and look deep into my soul, making me see my true self. Right now, I don't like what I see.”
He lifted his hand to her chin, risking her shrinking away. When she didn't he held it there. “But I did what I had to. Please believe that. Believe me because I need you.”
Tears trickled from her eyes and he wiped them away with his long thumb.
“I came here to ask you, if you'd like to join me on a trip down south.”
Jaz looked at him, perplexed and curious.
“I thought you'd like to visit your blood parents.”
Her mouth dropped open.
He smiled. “When you're ready anyway. I have a place we can stay. We can get away, see your parents and then come back. I think it would be better for both of us to have some time away from here. What do you think?”
She still didn't know what to think of him, and the idea of being alone with him on a long trip brought a lot of mixed feelings -the negative at present greatly outweighed the positive- but the prospect of getting away from here, of seeing her blood parents for the first time, was too tempting. Maybe she could convince him to take her back to Sheffield to see her adopted parents? And her friends? She thought he owed her that much.
After a short moment to think about it she bobbed her head.
Nik's gaze hovered over her face, landing on her lips. “It's settled then.”
~Chapter 43 - Investigate~
The day after...
Tuesday July 5th, 10:05 a.m.
Lisa's apartment, Sheffield