“Only if they push me to do so. And that brings us back to the matter of David’s heir.”
Annys inwardly sighed. “Ye wish to keep him as your heir, too?”
Nigel nodded. “Until I have my own. I dinnae e’en have a choice of a bride yet so not even the promise of an heir. I did think to just step into David’s place, fulfill the original betrothal agreement. A Church dispensation would settle any questions about its legality.” He grinned at Harcourt who had growled softly. “Dinnae think that would be appreciated by one and all though.”
“Nay,” said Harcourt. “Have lived through that for five years. Dinnae feel inclined to do so again.”
“Didnae think so.” Nigel looked at Annys. “And I would prefer that any wife I take be one who hasnae already given her heart away to another.” He nodded when she blushed. “So, here is what I have decided. For now I will keep Benet as my heir. To do anything else will mark him and ye, Annys, with a stain that isnae easily washed away. Benet doesnae need to live with me but he must remain David’s child and my heir. There needs to be an unwavering acceptance of that by all concerned.”
“Aye, there does.” Harcourt could not hide all the disappointment he felt over still being unable to claim his child but he understood why he could not.
“When I have a son or, even better, when I have two, then it can change, at least amongst ourselves and those closest to us. Since Benet was born and bred whilst Annys was legally wed to him, and David openly claimed Benet as his son, by all the laws I can think of, Benet is the heir. This secrecy just saves us all a great deal of trouble and ugly talk. So, aye, Benet remains my heir to all who might speak of it outside of the family.”
“But he doesnae have to stay here,” said Harcourt.
“Nay, but he does need to stay with a mon who can train him to be a warrior and a laird.”
“I think I can do that.”
“As do I or I would ne’er let the child go. So, the goodly priest Kerr found for me is waiting in the great hall and—”
“Wait!” ordered Annys, jumping to her feet. “Am I hearing this correctly? Have the two of ye just decided my entire future for me? Without e’en asking one wee question before ye did?”
It pleased her to see the wary looks both men gave her. As she had listened to Nigel and realized that all that kept her and Harcourt from planning a future together was being pushed aside, her heart had filled with a joyous burst of hope. Then they had continued speaking, neatly sorting out what would happen next without once asking her opinion. Twice she had had a husband chosen for her. She had dutifully accepted Nigel as a future husband because her parents had chosen him. When that did not come about, she had accepted David, again with her parents’ approval and because it was the best thing to do for all concerned. This time she would be properly asked and she would be offered more than a man who had no true feeling for her but would be a good husband.
Even as she prepared a speech to make that very clear to these two men, Harcourt leapt up, grabbed her by the arm, and dragged her over to the far corner of the room. She caught sight of a grinning Nigel putting his feet up on the table, picking up the small ledger Biddy had stolen, and beginning to look through it. Then she looked at Harcourt and struggled not to be swayed in her determination by how much she wanted him.
“This solves all of our problems, Annys. It sweeps away the verra thing that meant we couldnae be together, would have to part all over again,” he said.
She sighed. He was right. It almost made her smile to realize how much she wanted to kick him for that. They had both wrestled with the barriers keeping them apart and been repeatedly defeated by the tight restraints of duty. Now Nigel offered them an answer, yanking away the barrier her duty to David and Glencullaich had erected. It was rather foolish to balk now.
Yet, she wanted more now that she could actually choose. She wanted more than passion. She wanted love. It was rare in marriage but she was almost certain it was just within her reach. What she was not certain of was how to let Harcourt know without bluntly asking for what she needed, something that would expose her own weaknesses. Annys shied away from such boldness and was terrified of baring her heart to a man who had never actually said he loved her.
“No one asked me,” she said, inwardly cursing her cowardice.