“Then that’s the least I can do.”
We embrace, and I know that no matter what comes, I will always have a brother I would give my life for. Always, always, until the end of my days.
* * *
When the palace grounds are finally declared safe, I’m out the door before Heathwyn can finish delivering the good news. I ride Ivory high up into the beautiful mountains. She’s eager, excited to be in the late-summer forest where colours have already begun to turn. Flecks of yellow in the green. She doesn’t care that the way is steep and rocky and far from home. She steps carefully along the narrow trail as we get higher, emerging finally to the endless world of the mountaintop. Towering and magnificent. A secret place of stones covered in moss and goldenrod, sun brushing the western horizon before us.
I place my hands on the earth, promising Etania, promising my father, that I won’t leave forever.
I won’t.
I’ll return.
Then I sit down, alone, on the wind-swept rocks and write.
Athan,
Do you know I meant what I said? About the waiting a thousand days? It was such a hurried confession, I’m sorry, but it was all true. Before the worst happened, and even after. I know now what it feels like to live with something rotten on my hands. I look at them and they don’t feel like my own. And I know you might have to do worse than me in whatever comes.
But … this isn’t me.
This isn’t you.
We’re here on our mountain, always, a special place that is just ours. And there’s nothing you could do to make me care for you less. Nothing at all. I suppose that’s all I want to say this time—you’re precious to me. You’ll always be precious to me, no matter what anyone else says, or does, or thinks. Please never forget that. Promise me you won’t. When all this terrible madness is over, we can come back here.
Fly west and you will find me.
With affection (forever, for always), A.