What the hell?
“Where?” she finally managed to whisper to Wanda. “H…how?” It was all she could sputter as she gripped the woman’s cool hand.
The woman named Nina popped into her line of vision, making Toni’s mouth fall open when she saw what she was wearing, but that didn’t stop her from stomping over to Toni and Wanda, the rustle of more yellow chiffon and taffeta than Joanne’s Fabrics had on an entire store’s shelves swirling in the crisp air.
“What in the ever-lovin’ fuck is this?” she demanded of Toni, flicking her almost-black hair.
Toni winced. It was a wonder she didn’t lose a fingernail with the amount of hairspray it must have taken to keep all that hair in place.
It was piled atop her head in a riot of sausage curls, at least three layers’ worth, spilling down her back and dotted randomly with bright yellow bows all around her head. This was the gorgeous woman who’d been wearing a hoodie and jeans just moments ago?
Naw.
But it had to be. She had on the same pair of sunglasses. She had the same scary attack-mode stance.
“What…what happened?” Toni murmured, her fingers covering her mouth to keep from gasping.
“Yeah. I’d like to know that, too,” she said, kind of growly and suspicious as she pushed a long, raven sausage curl from her eyes with the back of her hand. “So why don’t you tell us, Toni? Who the fuck are you and why the fuck am I here? Who sent you? You’d better pony up or you’d better get right with your maker!”
“Sent me?” Toni repeated, utterly flabbergasted at the level of uncontained anger this woman was displaying.
Was this snarling, irate woman blaming her for their landing here? She’d taken the blame for a lot of things in her time—laundered money, snitching, even murder—but time travel to a place that looked like an amusement park set in a storybook? That was too damn far.
Nina, her pale skin like a soft glow against the buttercup yellow of her elaborate gown, now seethed. Like, opened her mouth and flashed her teeth.
“You heard me—who the fuck sent you, and what the fuck do you want with us? Did that crazy bitch Hildegard escape from Hell again? If you don’t start talkin’, I’m gonna start swingin’. Now warm that tongue of yours up with some answers before I snatch it from your pretty head, girlie.”
Wow. This woman was as scary as Stas had ever been, if not scarier. But Toni stood up to him once, gun to her throat and all.
And then she remembered something.
Crazy. Stas had once told her, always be the craziest fucker in the room and everyone would back down—which was how she’d managed to escape him three years ago.
So she let her eyes go wild as she stuck her face right back in Nina’s, her finger finding its way just beneath her nose. “Blow me, you crazy bitch! Don’t you threaten me! You have no idea who you’re screwing with. Got that? I’m gonna tell you once, back the fuck off or I’ll rip your throat out! We clear, girlie?” she bellowed.
Silence fell over the group of women and the small crowd of villagers backed up, clinging to one another.
And then Nina exploded.
Maybe Stas’s advice had been a mistake.
Clearly, Nina held the reigning title of Craziest Bitch In The Room.
Oh dear.
Chapter 2
Nina let out a hiss just before she lunged for Toni’s throat, her wings fluttering angrily behind her.
But her friend Marty soared through the air in a leap to rival that of a pole-vaulter, her enormous ball gown in a lovely shade of sky blue twisting around her legs.
She landed in front of Nina so fast, she rammed into her, making them tumble to the ground, the two women tangling up in each other’s elaborate dresses. Nina reached around her and yanked one of Marty’s wings.
“Ow! That’s my wing, Nina! I swear, I’ll poke your eyeballs out with my hair if you don’t knock it off!” Marty yelped and managed to wrestle Nina to her back, securing her by mounting her hips and pulling her glasses from her face.
Gripping Nina’s wrists, Marty planted them above her head as a small crowd of villagers gathered, passing a bag of coins and placing bets. “Knock it the hell off, Vampire! Why in all of the universe would you think this woman’s responsible for us falling through that hole in the dressing room, you violent, un-trainable, testy beast?”
Vampire? Had she said vampire?
No. This day wasn’t happening. It was not.
“Get the hell off me, Blondie, and give me back my damn shades or I’m gonna eat your face off!” Nina screeched with her closed eyes.