The Real Deal

She arches a brow. “La-di-da.”

I take her hand, and we head to our cabin, where we’re seated in cushy, luxurious seats. “You are the best talking vibrator I’ve ever known,” she says as she settles in, then gives me a kiss. As the train chugs out of the station, she inches closer to me, turning her head so our eyes meet. “Remember our first train ride?”

“I remember every detail. And I remember everything you told me then, too.”

She lifts an eyebrow in question.

A few minutes later, we go to the dining cabin, and we’re the only ones there. We sit down at a table with a linen tablecloth and champagne flutes already filled.

She gives me a curious look.

“Train travel is so romantic, don’t you think?”

She laughs. “You said it wasn’t at all!”

I shrug as I hand her a glass of champagne. “I don’t recall that.”

“You mocked me for wanting caviar.”

“Well, I do stand by that. Caviar is revolting. But champagne is not. Let’s toast.”

She raises her glass. “What are we toasting to?”

“To train rides being romantic.”

She clinks her glass to mine. “I can drink to that.”

She takes a sip of her bubbly, and I do the same. When I set down the flute, I reach into my pocket and grab my phone, sliding my thumb across the screen.

She raises an eyebrow, asking what the hell I’m doing interrupting a moment with a mobile phone.

“I saw something earlier I think you’ll get a kick out of,” I say, hitting Send on an email draft.

“And you’re showing me now?”

“Open your email.”

She shrugs and heaves a this better be good sigh as she grabs her phone. “It’s a GigsForHire link,” she says, raising her face.

“Huh. How interesting.”

Her brow furrows. “Are you looking for a hamster wheel?”

“Open it.”

She clicks on the link, then says softly, “It’s an ad.”

I watch the reaction in her green eyes as she reads the screen.

Going Anywhere and Need a Permadate? I’m Your Man

I’m a good-looking, 29-year-old ex-con-turned-actor. My most valuable possession looks best when you ride it with me, your arms wrapped around my waist on the snarling leopard. As a talking vibrator, I work odd hours, but so do you. If you’d like to have me as your date for a wedding, reunion, party, dinner, airplane flight, work soirée, or even the gym, I’m game. In fact, if you’d like to have me as your date for pretty much everything, just say yes.

I can do the following things at your request:

1. Share amusing stories that make you laugh, like the one about the trip we’ll take to the California gold country town, where I’ll tell you spooky ghost stories that make you jump into my arms.

2. Build a tree house or a home for you.

3. Adopt an emu together if you want. We can name him Bart, but only if we call him by his full name—Bart the Emu.

4. Be by your side through life’s ups and downs.

5. Hula-Hoop. Yes, that’s a euphemism.

6. Play foosball, arcade games, and go bowling with you since we’ve established I regularly beat you at those games, but I’ll let you win since you’re so adorably pretty, sexy, and beautiful when you get excited about a game.

7. Make sure you visit your family often, even if it involves lifting dozens of chairs, sleeping in a tent, or lugging charcoal, since they love you so much, and I love them now, too.

8. Love you for the rest of my life.

If any of these skills meet your needs, please respond and book me for the lifelong event. A wide range of accents remains available. My services are strictly non-platonic, and ideally I hope you’ll exercise the horizontal option nightly. There is no fee, except if you choose to opt for all menu items, please give your yes in the form of a kiss. If you’re completely happy with my work, let’s prepare for a black-tie and white-dress affair on the weekend of your choosing in the near future. I come with a 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed commitment to making our life together amazing.

When she looks up, I’m already down on one knee.

“Theo,” she whispers in wonder.

I take her hand in mine and ignore the wild stampede of nerves galloping through me. “Do you remember the time I asked you to marry me?”

She gasps and makes a surprised coughing sound. “Yes,” she blurts out. “I said yes.”

Her enthusiasm is another reason why I love her so much. I take the diamond solitaire from the box in my pocket, flip it open, and say, “Will you marry me?”

She laughs, tugs me up so I’m sitting next to her, and says, “My answer is still yes. Always yes. Only yes. You’re the real deal for me. You always have been. You always will be.”

I slide the ring on her finger. “It’s beautiful,” she says.

“So are you. Inside and out. Thank you for loving me even when I was a guy with a past. I’m still that guy, but I’m a better man now because you’re in my present.”

A tear slips down her cheek, and she presses her forehead to mine. “And your future. Don’t forget that.”

“I would never.” I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “Oh, and that’s the last thing from the original à la carte list that came true. ‘Propose to you in front of everyone.’ I modified it a little. I proposed in front of you.”

“And that’s how I wanted you to do it.”

Then I slide into my best after-dark voice, the one that really gets her going. “But I believe you had another train fantasy, cupcake.”

Her lips curve into a naughty grin. “I did. Is that one coming true, too?”

“Have I told you why we had to catch this train? It was only recently added to the train schedule, and it has something no other trains have that run in this area.”

She shakes her head. “No, you haven’t.”

I lean closer to her, brush her hair off her shoulder, and whisper in her ear. “It has a sleeper car.”

And we make excellent use of it the rest of the way to Wistful.





Acknowledgments

Thank you to Eileen for making this incredible opportunity possible, for giving me the chance to let the story shine, and the insight to make it better. I am grateful to the whole team at SMP, including Jennifer for her eagerness in bringing me on board, and Tiffany for managing the process. Deep gratitude to KP Simmon for all her strategy and guidance, to Helen Williams for her fine talent every day, and to Kelley, Keyanna, and Candi for their daily work. Thank you to Lynn for eagle eyes. Most of all, thanks to Michelle Wolfson, the wizard behind the curtain and the woman who understands the care and feeding of an author, and who always has my best interests at heart.

Amazingly, my family still manages to put up with me every day and I am grateful for their love and support, both from the two-legged and the four-legged ones.

Always and with every book, my deepest gratitude goes to those who make this possible—to my readers. I love you madly.