‘Don’t tempt me.’ I knock back another glug as Drew joins us. His suit is so pristine, he couldn’t have sat, bent, or even moved in it since he put it on. ‘Bit over the top for a BBQ, isn’t it?’ I ask.
‘I have somewhere special to be after I’ve finished relishing in your misery.’ He moves past me to the fridge and helps himself to a beer, ignoring the look of surprise on my face. I glimpse at Sam, finding his expression matches mine.
Somewhere special? ‘What’s more special than being with your mate on his fiftieth?’ I bring my bottle to my lips as I watch Drew flip the cap off his beer.
‘I’m going to ask Raya to marry me.’ He barely whispers the words.
My snort of surprise sends my beer spraying so far, it hits every wall in my expansive kitchen. And Drew doesn’t dodge it. I cough, choke and sniff, while Sam laughs and Drew looks at me like he wants to rip my head off. He undoubtedly does. I’ve messed up his suit. He slams his bottle on the counter, nostrils flaring, though his face remains stoic. Married? Drew? There’s no question he’s found his girl in the beautiful Raya; I’ve never seen him so happy and settled, but . . . marriage? I just never imagined he’d venture down that road.
‘Jesse,’ Drew snaps, brushing down his suit jacket. ‘For fuck’s sake. Look!’
‘I’m sorry.’ I snatch a tea towel off the side and chuck it at him.
‘What’s going on?’ Kate waddles into the kitchen with some empty plates, Ava in tow.
‘Drew’s asking Raya to marry him,’ Sam and I declare in unison, making the girls pull to an abrupt stop before they both gasp, hands at their mouths, and then swoon all over Drew.
‘Will you keep it down, she’ll hear you,’ he mutters, throwing the tea towel with force at me before fighting the girls away. It smacks me in the face before I catch it.
‘Hear what?’ Raya asks, appearing in the kitchen with a dish balancing on one hand, a glass of wine in the other.
‘Nothing!’ we all sing, all grinning.
Drew rolls his eyes and collects his girl. ‘We’re going.’
‘We are?’ Raya slides the dish onto the counter, looking a bit bewildered as Drew takes her glass from her hand and leads her to the door. ‘What about Georgia?’
Drew tosses a smirk over his shoulder at me. ‘Uncle Jesse said she could stay.’
‘I did?’
‘We did,’ Ava pipes up. ‘Have fun!’ she calls, before moving into Kate’s side. ‘Do you think he still has his cock pierced?’ she whispers in Kate’s ear.
What the fuck? I swing an incredulous look at my wife, whose mouth snaps shut quickly, her back going all straight as she looks at me, her lips pressed together. I give her an expectant look, and she shrugs, looking away guiltily. ‘Just what I’ve heard.’ She bites her lip, glancing at Kate, who chuckles, clutching her belly.
‘Stop. I’ll pee myself.’
I glare at Ava. ‘How’d you know Drew has his cock pierced?’
She shrugs, all casual. ‘Like I said, just something I heard.’
‘I wonder who from,’ Sam muses, tossing an accusing look at Kate as he wanders over to her and gets as close as her stomach will allow. He has to lean forward to get his face in hers. ‘Explain.’
‘It was a surprise back then, that’s all. I felt the need to share.’
Sam slams a hard kiss on her cheek and then lowers his lips to the top of her stomach, dropping a kiss there, too. ‘Close your ears, sunshine,’ he whispers, looking back up at Kate. She’s grinning. Sam’s not. ‘Nice to know out of everything that could have stuck in your head from that night, it’s my mate’s dick.’
I start chuckling again, perching on a stool to get comfy and enjoy the show. This party isn’t turning out too bad after all. I fold my arms over my chest and swing my eyes from Sam’s incredulous face to Kate’s dismissive one. ‘Yeah, Kate,’ I goad as John sticks his head around the door.
‘The kids have got the grandparents playing Twister. I’d prebook an ambulance if I were you.’
‘Come on.’ Ava tugs me from the stool and directs me out of the kitchen. ‘We have parents to rescue before they injure themselves.’
‘But I want to watch,’ I complain, looking over my shoulder, just catching Sam seizing Kate and swinging her back in his arms. She squeals a squeal that is definitely more delighted than scared. ‘Oh shit,’ she laughs. ‘I think I just wet myself.’
‘On second thoughts.’ I allow Ava to bully me out of the kitchen into the garden, where we find each one of our parents twisted into all kinds of mind-bending positions. I’m laughing again, harder when they all collapse in unison, creating a pile of puffing grandparents on the lawn.
‘I’m too old for this.’ My dad creaks his way up to his feet before helping Mum up, too.
I clap my hands together, marching my way across the lawn to the enticing spotty game board. ‘Move aside, folks.’ I crack my knuckles and give the twins a mischievous grin. ‘The champion’s here to defend his title.’
‘Here we go,’ Jacob sighs, booting his football away.
‘I’ve had enough,’ Maddie declares.
‘It’s my birthday.’ I crouch and pull at the corners of the mat, clearing the plastic of wrinkles before kicking off my shoes. ‘You have to do what I say.’ I flip up the collar of my Ralph Lauren polo shirt. ‘Playing, Mrs Ward?’
‘Losing, Mr Ward?’
I snort my thoughts on that. ‘I always win, baby. You should know that by now.’
Ava pulls her hair up in a ponytail, pouting her lips. ‘Things could be about to change.’
Another snort of laughter erupts from deep in my belly, backed up by the chuckles of our guests. Glad they think her statement is as hilarious as I do. ‘I’m blue,’ I announce as everyone backs up, giving us space. ‘Ava is red, Jacob is green, and Maddie is yellow. Who goes first?’
‘The youngest goes first,’ Jacob pipes up. ‘Which is me.’
‘Only by two minutes!’ Maddie protests.
I hold my hand up, halting the impending row. ‘Two minutes or two years, Jacob is the youngest.’
‘Jacob first.’ Ava moves in closer, her eyes narrowing to challenging slits. ‘Maddie’s second, me third, and you, my dear husband, at a whopping fifty, will go last.’
‘Don’t think you can distract me by taunting me,’ I warn, gesturing for Jacob to get on with things.
I focus on the game and, more importantly, winning it. John, Sam and Kate join the small crowd with Drew’s daughter, Georgia, and we all take our first move. It’s all pretty straightforward, everyone stable, and everyone confident.
Ten minutes later, I, my wife, and our babies are a tatty tangle of arms and legs, and our audience is laughing. ‘Dad!’ Maddie gripes. ‘Your big leg is in my way!’
‘Good!’ I laugh, not losing a scrap of focus.
‘This way, Maddie.’ Sam crouches beside my girl, showing her the way to the spinner.
‘No helping,’ I yell, turning my face and getting a mouthful of Ava’s hair. I catch her eye and forget my grievance. I also forget my concentration, her boobs within licking distance.
‘Don’t even think about it, Ward,’ she whispers.
‘Whenever, wherever, baby.’
‘Not while playing Twister with our kids in front of our parents.’
My arms shake a little from the strain of holding myself up. It doesn’t help that both Jacob and Maddie are leaning on me in one place or another, and Ava is virtually suspended over my torso. They’re all being tactical, picking on me, but I won’t break. No way. ‘You’re doing this on purpose,’ I accuse. I close my eyes and focus, hearing clapping and encouragement from everyone, meaning Maddie just made her move and she’s still in the game.
‘Your go, Mum,’ the twins chant.
‘Oh, if I can just stretch to reach the spinner.’ Ava’s body pushes harder into mine.
Focus, focus, focus. Something soft and squishy presses against my mouth. Something I recognise. I open my eyes and come face-to-face with boobs. I can’t help it. My mouth opens and I take a bite.
‘Owww! Jesse!’ She collapses on me, taking out the kids, too. ‘You big fat cheat!’