‘Yeah, but I think you’ve got time to make it across before the soldiers arrive.’
She steadies herself and sucks in a huge mouthful of air. ‘What about you?’
‘I’ll wait to meet the soldiers on my own.’
‘Sounds risky.’
She’s got a point, so I don’t waste my breath arguing – I need it too much right now. My legs have started to ache and my throat feels hot and sore.
‘Where’s Alice? Still banging Willow?’ she asks.
I feel my mouth pull tight – it’s a question I don’t want to answer. ‘No. She screwed the lot of us instead.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘She told the Gems our movements – she’s trying to get me killed so I can’t complete the canon and take her away from Wonderland.’
Katie loses her step again, mutters ‘Pork sword’ into the night, and grabs my hand in solidarity. ‘Are you sure? Alice can be a bit of a numpty, but surely that’s taking it a bit far.’
‘It’s the only explanation.’
‘Really? I just find that a little hard to believe. Something else must be going on.’
I shake my head; a stubborn gesture.
‘And where’s Nate?’ she asks.
Now this is the question I’ve really been dreading. ‘Dead.’ The word expands to fill my head, knocking me off balance.
‘No!’ It sounds more like a scream than a word, so loud the others turn to check we’re OK. ‘What – what happened?’ Katie asks.
‘The Gems happened.’ My voice sounds so angry, so full of hate, I’m reminded of Thorn. I run to the rhythm of her sobs, unable to offer any comfort as I have only bitterness and regret in my heart. I look at the moon – fat and plump just a few days earlier, and now just a sliver in the sky – and I vow to keep my friends safe, to get them to No-man’s-land before surrendering.
I won’t let them die too.
Little ambient light spills from the sky, but Saskia and Matthew navigate the streets with ease. For the second time tonight, I feel hugely grateful for their help – I don’t think I’d have found my way to the boats on foot.
The Gem bombs haven’t reached this far, and buildings sprout from nowhere, blocking our path, throwing us off course. We move around them, keeping the stench of fish close, and the occasional glint of the water even closer.
‘This way,’ Saskia shouts.
We exchange no words, but simultaneously begin to drop towards the water’s edge. It’s the same bay as in canon; an outcrop of stone concealing an area of silt. We find the tiny fleet of rowing boats, nestled in the mud beneath sheets of tarpaulin. The smell makes me think of camping trips with my parents and Nate. His face all ruddy and pink in the light of the campfire, a drizzle of hot marshmallow stuck to his chin. That black hole threatens to reappear, so I blink back my tears and focus on the task at hand – helping Saskia set torches in the empty rowing boats.
‘Decoys,’ Saskia says.
We launch the boats into the river.
‘Thank you,’ I manage to say, my breath heavy. ‘For what you did back at the church.’
Saskia rubs her collarbone, the place where Thorn sliced her all those years ago. ‘He’s had it coming for a while. Nothing to do with helping you and your dopey mates, you know that, yeah?’
‘I didn’t set us up,’ I say, watching the torches bob into the distance, like will-o’-the-wisps or jack-o’-lanterns.
‘Of course you didn’t. You’re sodding useless.’ Only one boat remains. ‘You guys ready?’
‘Yeah,’ Ash says.
I don’t tell them I’m staying on the shore, I don’t have time to explain or argue. And I just can’t stand the thought of saying goodbye to Ash. I’ve already had to say goodbye to Nate, and that’s quite enough for my lacerated heart. We splash through the shallow water. Saskia and Katie scramble into the boat, the wood creaking and slipping beneath their boots. Katie perches in the stern and manages to smile at me, even though the green of her eyes looks dull and tired.
I scrabble with the rope while Ash and Matthew lean into the stern. The ground whips away and the vessel bobs free. Ash and Matthew clamber in, spraying cold water on to my hands and face. Ash leans forward and offers me his hand. I hear the dull, oceanic roar of the Gem helicopters. They’re early. No, not early – any time gained navigating the sewers was lost when Thorn tried to kill me and the Humvee exploded.
I ignore Ash’s hand and keep on pushing the boat. The water reaches mid-thigh.
‘Come on, Violet,’ Ash says.
The helicopters grow louder, the water reaches my waist, and I just keep on pushing.
‘That’s deep enough,’ Saskia says.
The current decentralizes my balance. But I don’t stop pushing.
‘Good luck, Vi,’ Katie says, her voice shaky and small beneath the night sky.
‘Just stay alive, OK?’ I reply.
She nods.
Ash reaches for me, almost toppling the boat with his weight. I grasp his hands and gaze into his face, taking one last look into the palest blue eyes I’ll ever see. ‘That secret I’ve been keeping?’
Confusion touches his features. ‘Yes?’
I smile. ‘It’s always been you.’ And with one final push, I watch them drift away.
‘Violet, Violet.’ I hear them call my name. The scratch of wood against metal as oars click into the rowlocks, the frantic splashing of water as they attempt to turn the boat and follow me. ‘Violet, wait.’ I ignore them and turn and wade towards the shore. The helicopters have nearly arrived, and I pick up my pace, pumping my arms like mad. The river glistens like a pool of tar – I can just make out the reflection of the stars, cragged and blurred by my motion. ‘Please, Violet, they’ll kill you.’
Large hoops of light appear around me. I raise my head to see shafts of white carving up the black. The helicopters. Until I saw them, I wasn’t entirely sure they’d arrive. Perhaps Alice disclosed this location too, or perhaps it’s the canon again, haunting me, dragging me to the gallows.
I just need to get arrested, then hopefully the soldiers won’t bother with the little wooden boat floating in the background – it’s me they want, thanks to the fact Howard Stoneback’s dead. I take some comfort that the hovercrafts haven’t yet arrived. I’ll never forget them in the film. Black, glossy discs hanging in the sky like stones, generating this low whirring noise that travelled through the sofa and into the backs of my legs. They snatched Rose and Willow from their little boat with long, metal tentacles – scared the life out of me. But I shove them from my mind and repeat the words again and again, hugging them to my body like a life vest: I won’t let them die too. I won’t let them die too. I won’t let them die too.