I’m a child of the Cailleach. A child of the Cailleach who can tell a lie.
Kiaran must realize it, too. When he looks down at me, his expression is determined. Decisive. “Lie to me, Kam.”
“What?”
“Lie to me.”
Sacrifices that which they prize most: their heart.
I try to jerk out of Kiaran’s arms. “No.”
I know what he’s asking me to do. What he’s asking me to sacrifice.
Kiaran holds me against him, his forehead pressed to mine. “Tell me a lie that can’t be twisted to truth. We have this one chance. Just one.”
“Please,” I breathe. “I can’t. Don’t ask me to do this.”
He’s stroking my hair and I see how much he loves me. I can see it so clearly. “Tell stories about us, Kam,” he whispers. “Tell people that when the faery king and the human girl first met, he saw how clever she was. How foolish and brave and magnificent. And he knew that one day, falling in love with her wouldn’t be a choice. It would come to him as easily as breathing.” His lips touch mine. “Tell people about how they stood at the end of all things and saved the world. Together.”
He breaks off as the buildings around us fall. As the realm begins to crumble.
Another kiss, this one so very soft. “I’ve been alive for four thousand years and I’ve never once done anything that wasn’t selfish. So let me do this with you. Let me do one good thing.” He presses the hilt of the sword to my palm. “Now tell me a lie.”
Taking the sword from him is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I cup his cheek and tell him the truest lie I’ve ever said, one that shatters my heart. “I don’t love you,” I whisper, pressing my trembling lips to his.
Then I shove the sword through his chest.
CHAPTER 46
I’M STILL cradling Kiaran’s body as the world puts itself back together. As the Morrigan’s prison realm dissolves away and reveals the remains of my world, the small island of rock still left standing at Aithinne’s camp. As the land begins to form over the great black pit, rock by rock. Stone by stone. Tree by tree. Drawing together as if it were being painted by a deft hand.
The first rays of light shine through the clouds, and the sun rises up over the forest and spills through the trees. A breeze kicks up the beautiful fresh scent of pine and I shut my eyes and close myself off. I can’t be relieved when I’m surrounded by so much death.
Here I am, the last human survivor in a war I never wanted and I’m shattering. I’ve lost too much of myself. I feel still and quiet. I am as empty as that pit when the world was breaking apart.
I hold Kiaran like I’m clinging to the last pieces of myself, a ruin of a girl. Beyond repair.
I love you. I should have told you I loved you. I should have said the words before I had to lie to you.
Footsteps jar me out of my thoughts. When I open my eyes, Aithinne is kneeling next to me. Her cheeks are red and stained with tears as she stares down at her brother. “After all this time you had to go and be a hero,” she says to him. She strokes his hair. “Foolish bhràthair. You should have let me die.”
“You’re right. He should have.” Sorcha stands over us, her hands clenched into fists. Her expression is grief and white-hot rage. She turns on Lena, almost accusingly. “Why am I still alive if he’s dead? Why am I still here?”
“His sacrifice overpowered your vow. It’s old magic, more powerful than a mark given under coercion.”
Sorcha clamps her mouth shut. “That’s—”
“Enough,” Lena says sharply. She glances at me. “Give the Seelie Queen the Cailleach’s powers before they kill you, Aileana.” She reaches out a hand for me to take. “Come now. Don’t let his death be for nothing.”
I’ve been alive for four thousand years and I’ve never once done anything that wasn’t selfish. So let me do this with you. Let me do one good thing.
My fingers brush across Kiaran’s cheek. His skin is still warm. Only for you. Only because this is what you wanted.
I take Lena’s hand and say to Aithinne, “After this, the spells are yours and Lena’s. Together.”
The spell whispers across my mind, the soft rustle of a song. For the first time since I inherited the Cailleach’s powers, I’m not in pain. I’m not forcing anything. As the powers flow easily down my veins and into their new host, I feel lighter. There’s a sense of relief I can’t describe—as if my body is weightless, whole again. Except for my heart; the curse needed a sacrifice. I won’t be getting it back.
Aithinne’s hiss of pain is hardly more than a sigh. Her body goes slack, all the tension gone. Then she opens her eyes.
They’re as clear and bright as melted silver. When Aithinne stares at me, it’s with knowledge. It’s with all the power of the Cailleach inside her, as ancient as the realms themselves. But unlike her mother, she isn’t cold. She’s warm and calm. If Kiaran were here, he’d say he made the right choice. She will make a better monarch.
“I feel as though I owe you a debt for saving my life,” she says. “For trying to save his.”
“No debts between us, Aithinne.” Is that my voice? I sound empty. “You’re my friend. You always will be.”
She glances behind me, to where I know Gavin, Daniel, and Catherine are lying motionless on the ground. I can’t look. I’m barely hanging on as it is.
I’m empty. I have nothing left.
“Then don’t consider me reversing time to be a payment, just a gift. After everything you and they have sacrificed, you all deserve a second chance to live away from all of this. You deserve more.”
With one of Lena’s spells, Aithinne will alter the course of time and send us all back. As if none of this had ever happened. The others earned that.
But me? How can I pretend that I never went through all of this? How can I pretend I never met Kiaran? What would I go back to?
Aithinne’s eyes are swirling silver. Deep with power and knowledge and, yes, sadness. “You can’t spend your life mourning him, Aileana. He wouldn’t want you to.” When I say nothing, she continues, “No more fighting. No more war. Take this chance.”
My heart thuds and I look at Lena. “Could you bring back Kiaran and Derrick?” I ask it even though I already know the answer. I just need to hear it.
Lena sighs. “Fae aren’t the same. To bring them back requires a sacrifice. A life for a life.”
A life for a life. I look down at Kiaran, stroking a finger down his pale cheek. I can’t help my first thought—the first vestiges of my grief breaking through the numbness. What will I return to if he isn’t there?
As if she reads my thoughts, Sorcha steps forward. “Don’t,” she snaps. “Don’t you dare give up your stupid human existence to resurrect him.” She swallows hard and I swear I see tears in her eyes. “He deserves better than that.” She runs a shaky hand through her hair and laughs. I wince; she sounds like she’s coming apart. “He deserves better than this.”
She’s right. And I promised Catherine I would see her again. I promised. I swallow hard and look down at Kiaran.