They scanned in, then made their way onto the train platform. It was already congested with midday commuters on their way home from their assigned work zones. She’d gotten here later than she realized. They’d be lucky to squeeze into the next train. No wonder Colin was upset.
“You’re lying to me,” Colin said after they’d navigated through the press of commuters to the edge of the platform. “Me, the one person who always has your back no matter what. I had to take heat from Niall today because you couldn’t be bothered to do your job, so I really don’t appreciate your taking me for a fool.”
He was right that she had lied. She’d turned off her datapad before she’d intercepted Dade and had forgotten to turn it back on. But if she admitted that, it would open the door to a million other questions. The least of which was why she had let Dade go. Instead, she deflected. “I’m not lying.”
“Really?” Colin reached into his cloak to pull a handkerchief from one of his many secret pockets. “Let’s look at the evidence, shall we? We’ll start with the blood.”
“The what?”
Colin pointedly lowered his gaze to her throat. He lingered over the vowels. “The blood.”
She fingered her neck where the knife had pressed. It felt wet, and when she pulled her hand away, her fingertips were stained. Arden sighed. She should have realized. How badly had meeting Dade thrown her off? She snagged the handkerchief from him and blotted. “It’s just a scratch.”
Colin took hold of her chin, turning her face to get a better look. “It’s not deep. It won’t even need a med kit.”
He released his fingers, but his gaze never left her.
She turned away from the intensity of his stare. There was nowhere to go on the crowded platform, no way to change the subject or distance herself while she thought up an excuse. The commuters at her back felt like a living thing as they pushed her forward.
It didn’t help that Colin looked at her with suspicion and distrust, something she couldn’t recall him ever doing. Her shoulders deflated.
“Niall’s gonna freak.” He smirked as if the thought of her brother losing it amused him, yet the distrust in his gaze didn’t lessen.
“I doubt he’ll notice.”
Colin’s lips pressed together, and he raised an eyebrow. Okay, yes, she didn’t believe that either. No matter how drugged up Niall was, he’d notice. The anticipation of that discussion started a churning in her stomach.
“What happened? And this time I’d like the truth.” The steel in his voice let Arden know that she hadn’t been forgiven yet.
She blew out a breath. “Seriously, it was nothing. I had some face time with a Solizen. No biggie.”
“No one should have gotten close enough to cut you, especially a siskin. Unless you wanted him in your space.” He paused, as if waiting for his words to register. Then his head tilted, and he looked at her shrewdly. “There can be only one explanation.”
“What’s that?”
Colin paused again dramatically. Then he leaned in close, as if sharing a secret. His voice was low and conspiratorial when he asked, “How gorgeous is he?”
Arden glared, wanting to kick him. Hating that he could read her so easily. Dade had been breathtaking.
Colin laughed loud and hard, nearly doubling over. “We’re talking about a war wound, he had to be devastatingly handsome. Did you think I wouldn’t figure it out? I know you better than that.”
Her frown quirked into a rueful smile, she was unable to stay irritated. At least he was teasing her. That was progress.
“You would have found him attractive,” she admitted with a shrug.
He laughed harder. The jerk.
“Shut up.” She lightly pushed at him with mock anger.
“How’d he get so close to your neck, hmm? You must be into some kinky stuff,” Colin said between heaving laughs. “If he was that amazing, I hope you gave him my number.”
Arden rolled her eyes. “You wish.”
Colin cleared his throat a few times, getting himself back under control. He then let out a long-suffering sigh that she knew was 100 percent fake. “Keep your secrets, if you must. But please be aware that when you fail to show when you’re supposed to, my mind begins to run through every disastrous scenario.” His tone fell flat, as had his expression.
The guilt felt suffocating. She swallowed against it. “I’m sorry.”
He acknowledged her apology with a dismissive wave. “What’s done is done. Please don’t do it again.”
“Agreed.” Arden nodded, happy to let it go.
The train arrived, and a ding sounded before the doors dissolved. Disembarking passengers pushed through the waiting crowd. By the time Arden and Colin made it on board, all the seats were taken. She waved her hand over the sensor next to the door frame. Above them, the roof split along both sides, and hand straps dropped down. Arden grabbed one near the back.
Colin stepped close as the train pulled away from the platform. “Are you happy with your life?”
The randomness of the question confused Arden. Colin was all action, fun, and snarky humor. He never failed to take her to task. But he was not introspective in any way. He’d never asked any philosophical questions before, which left her at a loss as to how to answer him now.
“Are you?” he pressed.
“Who’s happy, really? We live, we survive.” There wasn’t much else to life, everyone knew that. Arden hadn’t been born to change the world. She wouldn’t want that responsibility anyway. There was a comfort in consistency, and she was okay if her life always remained the same.
“Don’t you want more?”
“More what?” she asked, genuinely curious. They had food, a place to sleep, and their gang allowed them some autonomy. What more was there?
“More everything.”
Arden scrunched her face. If she had a frame of reference for why he was being so weird, perhaps she’d be able to give him the response he wanted. She shook her head, lost.
He seemed to realize that she didn’t understand, because he paused a moment, considering, before asking, “I’m curious whether you find your life satisfying. Does it make you feel accomplished?”
“I don’t know, maybe?” She’d never thought about it. The fact that he posed the question made her worry. That ache in her gut that was good at signaling disaster started to twist. “Why are you asking this?”
“It’s always the same stuff over and over, you know? How much do we gotta see of overdoses and death, knowing we caused them, before it’s too much?”
Arden gave a noncommittal grunt. He spoke the truth. One she agonized over a lot. Sometimes the weight of her guilt felt crushing, but what was she supposed to do?