He let out a laugh. “I’m sorry, that was rude. It’s just…today’s your husband’s funeral and you’re taking care of me.” He raised his eyebrows at her. “No, that’s very kind. I’m fine. It comes with the job. I can come back tomorrow, once this is all over, if you’d like.”
“Kyle, go get in the car, okay?” She turned to her son, who looked glad to get away from the obvious awkwardness of the situation. He disappeared through the door. Once he was out of sight, she continued. “What’s going on, Officer Nealson?”
“Well, to be frank, we found something troubling on your husband’s computer. I wanted to see if you could help us figure it out.”
“Okay,” she said, worry filling her chest. “Well, I guess you’re right that this probably isn’t the best time, although I can’t say this won’t have me worried all day.” She put her hands to her mouth, wondering what to do. “I’ll tell you what, we can talk about it after the funeral. I’m having a few people over for dinner, but we can sneak away. Isabel can manage.”
“You really don’t have to—”
“I won’t sleep tonight if I don’t know, but whatever it is…if you tell me now, I won’t be able to focus at the funeral. And I desperately need to be able to focus and say good-bye to my husband and be there for my son. It makes the most sense. I don’t really know what the right thing to do here is, nothing really seems right. I know that I need to be present today, mentally and physically, but I also need to know what you found.”
“I’m ready,” Isabel announced, walking into the room. “Oh, hello there. I didn’t realize we had company. Is everything all right, Ms. Peighton?”
“Yes, Isabel, this is—”
“Officer Nealson, of course. I didn’t recognize you at first. Are you bringing us good news on this dreadful day? Have you finally put the investigation to a rest?” she asked, words flying out of her mouth. Isabel was what Todd called ‘a fast talker,’ and with her Scottish accent, she could be hard to decipher to those who weren’t around her daily, but the officer seemed to understand.
“I’m afraid not, Isabel. It’s great to see you again, though I wish the circumstances were better.” He tipped his head to her. “Peighton, I’ll be back this evening. If you can’t deal with this tonight, feel free to call me. I can come back tomorrow if that’s easier for you.” He handed her his card, a separate number scratched on top that Peighton realized must have been his cell phone.
“Tonight will be—”
He held up his hand. “Just in case it isn’t. Trust me, you don’t know how you’ll feel when this is all over.”
She stopped short, seeing a hint of pain in his face she hadn’t noticed before. The words left her mouth before she realized they were coming. “You’ve lost someone before, haven’t you?”
He frowned, but held his head up, staring her directly in the eye for a moment too long before he spoke. “My wife.”
“I’m so sorry,” she said honestly. It was so easy for her to look at him as a cop, someone doing his job, without realizing he was a person too; someone who lived a whole life outside of the small window which she saw him in.
“It was a long time ago,” he said, his face unwavering. “Just trust me when I say…tonight could be bad. Worse than you can imagine. You think you’ve dealt with it all and that you’re ready, but you’re not. You can’t be. All I’m really trying to say is if you need extra time, it’s okay.” He turned from her, tipping his head in retreat, and began to walk away.
“Officer Nealson,” she called out, her words surprising her again. He turned back to her, his eyebrows raised. “I just wondered…I mean, would you like to come? With us?”
Five
PEIGHTON
As it turned out, Officer Nealson had been right. Peighton, as prepared as she thought she was, could have never been ready for the horror Todd’s funeral brought. The funeral home, clad with a giant picture of Todd, dark walnut casket, and too many yellow roses, was filled with a surprising number of guests. As Peighton looked around, she realized all too quickly she didn’t know most of the attendants. She took a deep breath, trying desperately to keep the tears from falling already. We’ve only just begun, she reminded herself, so much more to go. Pull it together. But it was no use, as she walked closer to the casket, the final place her husband would ever rest, the tears began falling without notice.
She touched the soft red satin that filled the inside of the casket, moving her hands to her husband. The pallbearers, men that Todd had worked with, one of his brothers, his father, and Frank, stepped back—allowing Peighton a moment of peace with her husband. She ran her hands through his hair, coiffed perfectly as usual. His skin had a strange hue, and she could see the makeup layered on to cover up the bruises and discoloration. She touched his cheek lightly, watching as a tear fell onto his skin. Quickly, she rubbed it away, hoping not to wipe away the perfect fa?ade. She ran a hand down over his tie, tied by someone else entirely, remembering the many years ago when they’d turned to Yahoo to teach them how to tie the perfect knot for his first office job. She could almost laugh remembering how they doubted they’d ever figure it out. She laid her head down on her husband’s chest, all too aware of the absence of breathing, the lack of heartbeat. She would never rest her head on his chest again, run her fingers across the patches of hair that covered his heart. As she laid there, her body pressed on her husband’s for what she knew would be the last time, she let herself cry as loud and obnoxiously as she wanted. She let the surroundings fall away, let her guard down, and let herself grieve for what felt like the first time.
Finally, when she could catch her breath once more, she stood up, wiping away the last remaining tears on her face. She leaned down, pressing her lips to her husband’s cheek. “I love you,” she whispered. “I’ll miss you. I’ll think of you every day. Watch over us, teddy bear.” She smiled as she recalled the name she hadn’t called him since college. She could almost picture him cringing. Beside her, Kyle approached the casket, placing his hand on his father’s. He ran his fingers over his father’s gold wedding band.
“Do you think he can hear us?” he asked, surprising Peighton with how steady his voice was.
“I think so,” Peighton told him, watching his face. She saw his jaw quiver just a bit and stepped back. “Take your time, Kyle. Tell him what you need to.” She walked back to where the rest of the visitors stood, a somber silence filling the room as Kyle leaned down, whispering quietly to his father.
Across the room, Peighton locked eyes with Frank, whose gaze traveled to Officer Nealson questioningly. She shook her head slightly. Later she mouthed to him. His lips grew tight, staring between the two of them before he finally nodded, turning to face the doors as they were pulled open by the funeral director.
As the room began to fill with funeral attendees, Peighton and Kyle made their way to the side of the casket, condolences and hugs being passed out. The rest of their group made their way cautiously toward their seats. Through the crowd, Peighton couldn’t help but look for Officer Nealson, subconsciously keeping a check on him. He sat alone, in the very back of the room, a solemn look on his face. Every once in a while, his eyes would find her as if he too were drawn to her, and once their gazes would meet they would pull away quickly. Peighton could feel the blush growing on her cheeks, knowing he was watching her. Something about this man made her feel uneasy, her whole body on edge.
“I’m so sorry, Peighton.” Alexis stood in front of them, tears in her eyes. On her hip, she carried the baby. Peighton leaned down, kissing his forehead before pulling her friend into a hug.
“Thank you guys for coming,” Peighton said, rubbing her back. She held the hug for too long, allowing her friend to take some of the weight she felt like she was carrying. Behind her, Micah approached, his hands going to Alexis’ back.