I begin, hesitantly at first, but soon the words are just flowing. The strange man in my house who claims his name is Erik and that he’s engaged to me; the night I spent imprisoned within my own four walls; my escape.
Ela doesn’t interrupt me a single time, but here and there she widens her eyes with disbelief; a deep wrinkle has appeared above her nose.
“That’s … unbelievable,” she murmurs once I’ve finished. “Give me a couple of minutes to digest it, OK?” She shakes her head, then suddenly pauses. “Oh damn it, I almost forgot.” She reaches for her phone and dials a number.
“A colleague,” she murmurs apologetically. “I was a bit scatterbrained with the … Hello, Sandra?”
I already know that Ela is very laid-back, at least when it’s not about Richard, but the way she’s responding to my story astonishes me nonetheless. As does the fact that right now, of all moments, something to do with her colleague should pop into her mind.
“Sandra, sorry, I completely forgot to tell you on the handover that the technician is coming to see to the centrifuge this morning. What? Yes, that would be good. OK. Yes. I’ll do that. See you then.” Ella puts her phone away. “Done.” She rubs both hands over her face. “Are you sure you don’t want a coffee?”
It’s starting to become difficult to hide my impatience. “No, I want to go to the police, and I was hoping you’d come with me.”
Ela stares fixedly at the carpet beneath her feet. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Jo.”
I feel a cold tingling at the back of my neck. “Why not?”
She looks up and makes eye contact again. “Because what you’ve just told me doesn’t make any sense. You and Erik, you are a couple. And a damn good one too.”
The cold feeling has suddenly spread through my entire body. Please don’t, I want to say, please don’t do this to me.
“I swear to you, last night was the first time I ever saw that man in my whole life,” I whisper, seeing in Ela’s eyes how uncomfortable this situation is for her. “I live alone, you of all people would know that—you’ve been over to my place so often! There’s no one in my life apart from Matthew, and even he’s ancient history now, really.”
Ela straightens her ponytail. A gesture of self-consciousness. “You haven’t mentioned Matthew for months.”
“I know, why would I? I’m content by myself. I love the fact that I’m standing on my own two feet; my job is wonderful; everything is great. Or at least it was until yesterday.”
Something twitches in Ela’s face. She takes my hand, which feels icy cold against hers. “Listen. I have a suggestion. Instead of going to the police, we’ll go to a doctor. I’m sure it’s nothing serious. I know a really nice neurologist at the clinic.…”
My eyes burn. I pull my hand away so I can wipe the tears before they run down my face. “You think I’m crazy too, don’t you?” Even just saying the word was hard. Because that’s turned it into a real possibility. Crazy. Or perhaps seriously ill; who knows what kind of damage brain tumors could unleash—
I instinctively reach up to touch my head. Please no, don’t let it be that.
No. Of course not, it’s nonsense. I’m fine, I don’t have any problems with my vision, no headaches, no dizziness. Just one person too many in my life.
Ela gently strokes my arm. “Try to remember. Do you still know when and where the two of us met?”
Of course I do, I don’t have to think about it for even a second. “At Lorenzo’s, at the bar. You stood next to me while we were waiting for our drinks. I ordered a caipirinha, you got a mojito, and you said you liked the look of the barman.”
Ela bites down on her lower lip, nodding at almost every one of my words. “That’s all true, except that it was the second time we met. The first time was at the squash club—Erik and I were playing, you came to pick him up, and he introduced me to you.” She smiles, and her expression looks both tense and reassuring at the same time. “Do you remember? You guys had only been together two weeks and you were so crazy about each other it was almost too much to watch.” She looks down at her hands, interlaced on her lap. “You still are, to be honest. You love him, Jo. Very much.” Our eyes meet. “You can’t have forgotten him, surely.”
By now I can barely breathe. I picture the face of the stranger, the man who I supposedly love. I feel nothing, nothing but the nagging fear which his presence provokes in me.
Ela is still looking at me, her expression full of sympathy. My God, what would she stand to gain by lying to me like this?
I press my fingertips against my closed eyelids until it hurts.
Think. If what she says is true …
“Prove it,” I whisper, suppressing the panic rising up inside me. What if she can? What if I have to accept that there’s something seriously wrong with me?
She thinks for a moment, then nods. She stands up and goes over to a little table with a laptop on it. “I have some photos saved on here, we can both—”
The penetrating buzz of the doorbell interrupts her midsentence, and she whirls around. Now her expression is a mix of relief and guilt.
It takes me a moment to catch on. But then I do. “You called him.” My mouth is so dry I can barely form the words. “I’m here telling you how relieved I am to have gotten away from him, and you bring him here to me?”
She looks sad, but I probably can’t believe that any more than I could the supposed telephone call to her colleague.
“He’s so worried about you,” she says softly. “Look, perhaps the three of us can manage to figure this out.”
She’s already halfway to the door, but turns around one more time. “I want to help you, Jo, you have to believe me.”
Please don’t do it, I want to say, please don’t let him in, please hide me from him.
But she has already pressed the door release button.
8
The door unlatches with a sharp clack. Ela opened up for me without any questions. I enter the elevator, even though I hate tight spaces.
Thoughts are tumbling over one another in my head. Hopefully Joanna’s still up there. Does she know it was me who just talked to Ela on the phone and rang the doorbell? And what will be in store for me when I come face-to-face with her again?
I told Ela not to let her leave again at any cost. Was she able to convince Joanna that it’s better for her not to run away from me? That she urgently needs to get help?
What in the hell has happened to her? I mean, she can remember everything else in her life. Like Ela, whom she met through me. How has Joanna’s mind managed to make sense of this friendship without me having been part of it?
Or maybe her head is perfectly fine and she’s just playacting? But why would she? That doesn’t make any sense.
The elevator stops, and its doors open up onto the third floor.
My heart beats faster with every step I take, and starts racing as the door to Ela’s apartment swings inward. Ela looks concerned.
“Is she still here?”
The pounding of my heart has become deafening now.
Ela nods and blinks briefly before stepping aside and letting me enter.