Spirit Witch (The Lazy Girl's Guide to Magic #3)

Even with the sound of the cascading water from the fountain and the distance between Eve and me and the crèche, it was obvious that something was terribly wrong. The screams and shouts said it all. You’d have had to be truly evil not to have felt terrified by the sounds that were renting the air.

I sprinted as fast as I could but Eve quickly overtook me. She pelted straight ahead while I was left gasping. Maybe I ought to join the gym once all this was over and done with. Then I shook myself. The fear and trepidation were clearly getting to me. Every time I was in a life-or-death situation, I started to think I should lead a healthier lifestyle. The trick was to start avoiding life-or-death situations. With that in the forefront of my mind, I put on an extra spurt and rounded the corner just as Eve flung herself towards Blackbeard and leapt onto his back. Four witches, all of whom must have been crèche workers, flung repeated streams of magic attacks in his direction.

He laughed and tried to shake off Eve. ‘Do your worst, witches,’ he bellowed. ‘You can’t hurt me!’ He spun round and I spotted the long, shining blade in his hands. That was probably the same one he’d used to kill Clare and the rest of her coven. It was probably the same one he’d used to kill the Ipsissimus.

Eve shrieked like an Amazon warrior and curved her head down, biting his ear. Blood spurted everywhere. Unfortunately, it only enraged Blackbeard and didn’t slow him down in the slightest. He thrust the blade upwards, narrowly avoiding sliding it straight through Eve’s neck. She swung to one side. Terrified that he’d succeed if he tried the manoeuvre a second time, I ran towards them.

I gestured frantically to the four crèche witches. They got the message and used the momentary distraction to vanish back indoors and look after their charges. They’d probably already realised that magic wasn’t going to work here. While I charged at Blackbeard to try and help Eve, a window opened and various objects were thrown out. Somehow I didn’t think a plastic toy elephant was going to be much of a weapon; neither was the breast pump much use. The milk bottle, however…

I switched direction and darted over to snatch it up just as Blackbeard finally threw off Eve. Her body smacked into the wall of the crèche and she slumped down like a broken doll. Shit. He turned towards her, blade raised, obviously ready to finish her off.

I yelled and twisted off the bottle top. ‘Have some boiling water,’ I shrieked, throwing the milk at him.

Blackbeard raised his hand to shield his eyes; he didn’t know the liquid was barely lukewarm. When he realised he’d been fooled, he snarled and abandoned his bid to kill Eve in favour of facing this new threat. Me.

He swiped the blade forward. Surprise, surprise, I wasn’t fast enough to dodge it and it sliced through my arm. I cried out involuntarily. Blackbeard’s eyes widened as he recognised me. A small, dull voice nibbled at the back of my mind: use this, Ivy. You can use this.

I threw myself to the ground, collapsing onto my knees in front of him. ‘I’m not a witch!’ I wailed. ‘Don’t kill me! I can’t use magic at all!’

Blackbeard paused, the knife held aloft. He frowned at me as if trying to decide what to do. Then he lowered his arms and glanced around. Eve was out cold and the crèche witches had vanished. To all intents and purposes, it was just him and me.

‘You might not be a witch,’ he spat, ‘but you sleep with witches. You are here with witches. As a collaborator, you are as bad as they are. Worse even.’

‘It’s not my fault,’ I babbled. ‘I’m not smart. I don’t have any special skills. I’m just a taxi driver. I thought hanging around witches would make my life better. Instead it’s much, much worse. Now I’m stuck with them and I don’t know how to escape.’ I grabbed hold of his trouser legs. ‘You can help me.’

He kicked me away. ‘You’re lying.’

‘I’m not!’ I held up my hands. ‘My ID is in my pocket.’ I pulled it out and tossed it over to him. ‘See?’ I said. ‘I’m a taxi driver. I’m like you. I’m not a witch, I don’t want to be a witch. I think they bewitched me because they wanted a chauffeur. I’m no other use to them. But…’ my voice dropped ‘…I think they want to use me in some of their spells. Black magic stuff. They want my blood. They want to do evil things.’

When it came to killing and planning for killing, Blackbeard was a clever man but even clever men have blind spots. Prejudice can blind even the smartest fool and Blackbeard’s prejudice was against witches. All I needed was to cast some doubt; all I needed was to gain some time.

He shook his large head. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘But I can’t trust that you’re telling the truth.’

‘You know I’m not a witch,’ I pleaded. ‘You know from my ID that I’m just a taxi driver. I don’t know what else I can do to prove that I’m not like them.’

‘Tough. I’ve already let you escape once. I was kind then but I can’t afford to be kind now. You had your chance.’

I sagged. ‘Fine,’ I whispered. ‘In truth, anything will be better than remaining here with these bastards. But … are we the same? Do we hate them in the same way? Is that why you’re killing them?’ I kept my head low and subdued my body language. I was already defeated; I was already prepared to die.

‘All witches are evil. All witches are unnatural.’ Blackbeard said the words as if by rote. He’d been taught to believe this. More fool him.

‘Why did you kill the coven?’ I asked. ‘Why not come straight here first? Raphael, the witch I was with on Dartmoor? He learned about you because you destroyed that coven. Without their deaths, no one would have known you existed. Why them?’

He gave me a blank look. ‘They were there and I needed the practice. I had to know if I was capable of murder. Not everyone is.’ He rubbed his ear where Eve had bitten it, then pulled his hands away and gazed at the blood as if seeing it for the first time. ‘It’s a lot easier than I thought it would be. I knew that having ended them, I could end anyone.’ He raised his massive shoulders in a shrug, as if surprised by himself and his ability to kill, in the same way that I would be surprised if I discovered some money wedged underneath a sofa cushion. ‘How did the witch find out about them anyway?’

Ah ha. Maybe I’d piqued his curiosity. A glimmer of hope rippled through me. I had to manage this properly; I had to give a good enough answer to keep him talking. The closer I stayed to the truth, the more believable I’d be. ‘I told you. Some kind of black magic. I think…’ I hesitated. ‘I think he’s been talking to corpses and they talk back.’

‘Unnatural,’ Blackbeard muttered.

Tell me about it. ‘Why didn’t you just burn all their bodies at once? Why not get rid of them in one go?’