Spirit Witch (The Lazy Girl's Guide to Magic #3)

Maidmont still hadn’t blinked. Concerned that his eyeballs might dry out and I’d be responsible for him going blind, I reached out and shook his shoulder. ‘Hello? Philip?’

‘Uh … let’s sit down,’ he said weakly. Then his legs gave way and he sank down onto the floor rather than looking around for a chair. I shrugged; it worked for me. I joined him, crossing my legs and resting my chin on my hands while Maidmont tried to recover.

After what seemed an age, he nodded almost imperceptibly and looked at me. ‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘I’m just a bit – surprised. I believe you, though. I’ve never heard of anything like this before and, working here, I’ve heard a lot of odd things. Why don’t you start from the beginning?’

I gazed into the distance. ‘The very beginning? It started in Scotland. Right after I took the kid’s magic from him, I saw a floating head. It spoke to me.’ I twisted my fingers in my lap. ‘It was Benjamin Alberts, the Enchantment contestant who’d died. At the time, I was in so much pain that I passed out. Afterwards, I assumed it had just been my imagination or something to do with the trauma of what was happening. Afterwards, though, in the hospital when I woke up…’ My voice drifted off.

‘Go on,’ Maidmont said quietly. There was no censure in his tone and his expression suggested nothing except encouragement.

I heaved in a breath. ‘There were lots of them. People, I mean. None of them looked healthy.’ Images of gaunt old men and bloodied children flickered through my head. My stomach twisted with sudden nausea and I glanced at Maidmont. ‘I was on heavy painkillers,’ I said, doing my best to find a rational explanation. ‘Morphine and stuff like that, so everything was a bit dreamy. But they kept coming in and talking to me. I thought they were real to begin with, but it didn’t take long to work out that no one else could see them.’ I gave a short, humourless laugh. ‘I asked one woman, who wandered in and demanded to know where her baby was, if she’d spoken to one of the nurses. Winter was there at the time and he answered me. Then he stepped back and passed right through her as if she were nothing more than air. She looked annoyed, then she just vanished. Right in front of my eyes.’

Maidmont cleared his throat. ‘And what makes you think they’re ghosts and not just hallucinations? Because you had a few of those, didn’t you?’

‘I had one,’ I replied flatly. ‘One hallucination caused by the kid’s magic. And it was of a bloodstain.’ I shuddered. ‘What I’m seeing now is nothing like that. I thought maybe they’d disappear if I pretended they weren’t there. I thought maybe I was going crazy. But I think cats sense them too.’ I told him about Brutus, Princess and Harold and the way they’d avoided Cobweb Lady.

‘It’s been two months since Scotland and they won’t go away. There’s a woman who all but lives in my damned flat. There was a red-robed guy outside, with the bushiest beard and moustache that I’ve seen in my life, who talked like he’d come from another century. His eyes were yellow! Who the hell has yellow eyes? Not to mention the woman here in the library I already mentioned. They’re everywhere, Philip. And they keep talking to me.’ I met his eyes. ‘Am I going crazy? Or is the necromancy I absorbed taking me over?’

Maidmont’s face was still very pale. ‘The man outside, the one with the beard. Can you describe him in more detail?’

I scratched my head and did my best. As Maidmont listened, the young woman with half a face reappeared. She crouched down and stared at him. ‘He has something stuck in his teeth,’ she declared. ‘It’s disgusting. In my day, librarians paid far more attention to their personal hygiene. No one likes to be breathed on by someone who still has their lunch hanging out of their mouth.’

I ignored her and continued talking. When I finished, Maidmont nodded and stood up, brushing invisible dirt off his robes. ‘We should go,’ he said. There was an unusually decisive air about him.

My eyes widened. ‘Go where?’ I asked.

‘The dentist would be a good idea,’ the woman said.

Maidmont pursed his lips. ‘Just come with me. There’s something we should check first.’

I slowly got to my feet. Maybe he was going to drag me off to the loony bin – or stab me in the back before I became an uncontrollable necromancer.

‘It’ll be fine, Ivy,’ he said reassuringly. ‘Trust me.’

‘You should never trust anyone who doesn’t floss,’ the woman said.

I nodded to Maidmont. ‘Okay. Let’s go.’ I gave Half Face a fleeting look. She was really creeping me out. ‘Quickly.’





Chapter Two


Maidmont led me out of the library. Unfortunately the rain had stopped and there were more witches around than before. I scooted behind him, using his thin frame to try and hide myself. ‘What are you doing?’ he asked.

‘Skulking,’ I whispered. ‘I can do without someone recognising me and stopping for a chat.’

I could hear the smile in his voice. ‘Don’t worry,’ he assured me. ‘We’re not going far.’ He stepped off the path to avoid the oncoming people and I shuffled gratefully along behind him. Frankly, it was nice to walk with someone who didn’t march around as if they were in a competition with Time itself. I started to relax – until I realised where Maidmont was taking me.

‘Whoa! I’m not going in there!’ I said, shaking my head at the main Order building. I swivelled on my toes and started walking in the opposite direction.

Maidmont trotted to catch up with me. ‘Why on earth not?’

‘The Ipsissimus will be in there! He’s the last person I want to know about this! At least until I have a handle on things.’ Or, I added silently, until I’d spoken to Winter first. Going to Maidmont for help was one thing; going to the Ipsissimus behind Winter’s back was entirely different.

‘We’re not going to see him,’ Maidmont said. ‘There’s something in there I want you to look at.’

I shook my head. ‘No way. I’m going back home.’ Where I should have stayed in the first place. I pulled away from him and picked up my feet, determined to get as far away from the Order as possible. Then I saw Tarquin ambling out of one of the far buildings and heading towards me. Damn.

I spun around once more. Maidmont squinted, apparently baffled by my repeated changes of direction. Truth be told, I was starting to feel rather dizzy myself. I thought mournfully of my sofa. I should have stayed there. Who cared if I could converse with the dead? If they stuck around long enough, maybe I’d find out something useful from them. Not like who really assassinated JFK or what happened to Lord Lucan; I was thinking more along the lines of how to train them to do my bidding so they could work for me while I stayed at home and conserved my strength.