Spirit Witch (The Lazy Girl's Guide to Magic #3)

He blinked. ‘Huh?’

There was a loud tut. I didn’t need to look up to know that one of Grenville’s ghostly buddies had finally decided to show. Where there was a tut, there was bound to be a spirit waiting to castigate me. It was about time.

‘It’s not his fault,’ a woman said. She was wearing a high-necked white robe with frills that seemed at odds with the barbed-wire tattoo snaking up her neck. ‘You’re the one who put your lunch in the middle of my remains.’

My mouth stopped working as I looked at where I’d laid the sandwich. There wasn’t a large pile of ash but there was enough. I sprang to my feet and spat out what was left. Dead people. I was eating dead people.





Chapter Five


I flung the sandwich away from me. Unsurprisingly, Winter was disturbed. ‘What is it? What’s wrong?’

‘Goodness,’ the ghost said, ‘he’s really rather charming, isn’t he? It’s been a long time since I had a man of that calibre jumping to my defence.’ She pursed her lips. ‘Actually, I’m not sure it’s ever happened.’ She walked over and peered into Winter’s face. He, of course, was blithely unaware of her presence.

‘Get away from him,’ I snarled with more venom than was probably necessary.

Winter jumped. The ghost ignored me. ‘Are those contact lenses? He can’t possibly have eyes that blue. They’re quite extraordinary.’ She leaned into him and raised her hand, trailing her fingernails down his chest as if in a caress.

A strange sound emitted from deep in my throat. It took a moment or two for me to realise that I was growling. ‘Look,’ I said through gritted teeth, ‘get away from him or we are walking out of here and leaving you to this place.’

She turned round. ‘My, you’re a bit touchy, aren’t you?’ She looked at me more closely. ‘It must be a new relationship,’ she decided. ‘He’s not had the chance to let you down yet. Don’t worry. He will.’

That was where she was wrong: Winter had already had every chance to let me down and he hadn’t taken any of them. I wasn’t here to get into a discussion about him though; all I wanted was to ensure that she left him alone and to find out what the hell was going on here. I hadn’t met any ghosts yet who were able to touch anyone or anything living – but that didn’t mean they didn’t exist. I wasn’t going to permit even the faintest whisper of danger brush against my Winter.

Winter waved his hands curiously in front of him. His fingertips barely grazed the apparition’s back. ‘Is there a ghost here now?’

She wriggled. ‘That tickles.’

I narrowed my eyes. ‘You can feel him touch you?’ I stepped forward, itching to take a swing at her to find out.

She grinned. ‘Nah. Not really.’

Winter tilted his head. ‘Is everything okay, Ivy?’ he asked softly. ‘You look … fierce.’

The ghost laughed. ‘He has your measure, hasn’t he?’

I glared at her but answered Winter. ‘There is a woman here,’ I said. ‘But I’m not sure she wants our help. She seems more interested in passing judgment on us.’

The ghost held up her hands. ‘Hey, there’s no need to get upset. I do want your help but you can’t blame me for having a little fun. I’ve been stuck here for ages and the others aren’t exactly a laugh a minute. They were bad enough when they were alive. Now they’re dead…’ She dropped her voice. ‘They’re mean to me. You wouldn’t think a ghost could be bullied but that’s what’s happening to me.’ Her eyes went round. ‘It’s awful.’

Without warning a man appeared, hovering up the slope behind her. There was a large bloodstain across his chest, although it was clear his pained expression was more to do with his ghostly companion than any lingering physical hurt. ‘It’s your fault, Karen. Don’t start laying the blame on us.’

‘How is it my fault? I didn’t know what would happen! Besides, would you really be content if that bastard had killed us and got away with it? What about your family? They’d think you’d just run off. They’d never learn the truth. Now we have her,’ she said, flinging a hand out towards me, ‘we have a chance of justice and our families will know what really happened.’

I flicked my gaze from her to him and back again.

‘You shouldn’t worry about them,’ murmured a voice at my back. ‘They were even worse when they were alive. I always thought they had the hots for each other and it was suppressed sexual tension but I’m not so sure now. Maybe they just hate each other.’ She sighed. ‘I do wish they’d give it a rest.’

I spun round, my eyes landing on a young woman. Unlike the other two, she had several painful-looking bruises and open wounds on her body. She caught me staring and explained. ‘I woke up and fought back. It would have been easier if I’d been asleep like the rest of them. Although at least I didn’t do what Karen did. She woke up at the last moment with no time to do anything except curse our entire coven with her dying breath.’

I must have looked confused because Karen piped up to explain. ‘I wasn’t cursing us, I was cursing him! I didn’t know we’d end up trapped here, did I?’ She glanced at me. ‘I told him we wouldn’t rest until he got what he deserved.’

‘And here we are,’ the male ghost muttered. ‘Not resting.’

Finding my voice, I looked round. ‘How many of you are there?’

‘Seven.’ She looked sad. ‘One man killed our entire coven.’

I quashed my rising horror – it wouldn’t help any of us right now. I had to focus on the details and find out what had really happened. I looked at the three of them, taking in their matching robes. They were white, not red, and even in ghostly format the material seemed to have a homespun quality.

‘You’re non-Order witches,’ I realised. The fact that their disappearance had gone unremarked was starting to make sense. Not a lot of sense, admittedly, but a little.

The man threw himself down the small hill, ignoring the trees in his path, and planted himself in front of me with a bullish stare. ‘You’re in the Order? The one person we can communicate with and they’re in the bloody Order?’ He threw his hands up in disgust. ‘She won’t help us. We’re damned for all eternity.’

I counted to ten in my head. ‘First of all,’ I said calmly, ‘I’m not in the Order. My name is Ivy Wilde.’

Phantom Karen jerked. ‘Wait,’ she said. ‘I’ve heard of you. You were kicked out for assault.’

‘And cheating,’ I added. ‘Don’t forget the cheating.’

‘I heard other covens approached you to join them but you told them to sod off.’

I shrugged. What could I say? ‘I’m sure it would be lovely having other witches to talk to. But non-Order covens have to work hard and the results are never that…’ I paused, trying to think of the right word. This lot were grouchy enough as it was without me insulting their abilities. ‘Never that successful. I’m not much of a worker bee.’

She snorted. ‘She sounds just like your kind of person, Amy.’