“Hold the door,” Spider calls out just before it closes.
I hold the door as a reflex and he enters. I try to ignore his male scent and the way his shirt clings to his broad chest. His hair is damp as if he’s showered recently, and I figure his concert is over and he’s cleaned up. He stands next to me, and I should move away, but I’m weak and want to be close to him for a little longer.
“I could barely focus at the concert. Are you okay?” His eyes search mine, moving down to take in my server outfit.
I ignore his question.
“I was at work . . . and I broke up with Trenton.”
Relief crosses his face. “Thank fuck.” He pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. “Were you ever sick last night or was that all about Mila? I want to explain that—”
I stiffen, my jaw clenching as I interrupt him. “She’s the girl that was at your place the day you left Dallas?”
He gives me a short nod. “Look, she’s just our PR person and I’ve known her for years. It’s not—”
I cut him off, my words sharp. “I saw you with her at the bar across the street. Then, I knocked on your door and she answered . . . while you were taking a shower.”
He lets out a breath. “Rose, listen to me. I never slept with her. I only pretended that day in Dallas. I called her to come over and put on a show to make sure you didn’t ruin your life and maybe follow me to LA. I hated doing it and I hated walking away from you that day, but I had to.” He pauses, his face anxious as he studies my face, looking for my reaction. “I would have told you sooner but . . . it’s been crazy and we haven’t had time.”
There’s a ring of truth in his voice.
But . . .
“You two seem very chummy. Did you have a relationship with her at any point in LA?”
“We never had sex.” His eyes are pleading with me to understand, and part of me does. He used her to get to me, to hammer it home.
“She’s a friend and a co-worker, Rose. And last night, she was dropping off my dry cleaning. That’s it. I don’t feel that way about her. I never have. It’s you. Just you.”
I soften at his words but tears prick at my eyes as I think back to that day in Dallas. “I know you thought I was too young and that you were too screwed up, but I would have gone to the ends of the world with you.”
He looks tortured. “I wasn’t ready.”
“Are you ready now?”
He nods. “Yes.”
But there’s an uncertain look on his face, as if he’s unsure . . . and it scares me. I can’t figure out where his head is.
I need more from him.
I need the words. “Do you love me?”
There’s a struggle on his face, and he just stares at me.
Clarity arrives as I take him in. With Spider it’s always been about people he lost, but it’s time for him to figure out that I’m not leaving him.
I chew on my bottom lip and lay it all out on the line. “You say that I’m yours, but all I see is a guy who wants me on his terms. You show up and just expect me to fall back in your arms when you should have told me about Mila the first time you saw me. You could have told me the night of the storm. You should have found me today somehow and explained it to me—and you didn’t. Your hesitation and lack of commitment terrify me. You’re afraid of how big this thing is between us.” I pause. “I need more, Spider. I want fucking epic. I want someone to love me with the same intensity I feel for him.” I suck in a breath. “And until you give it to me, I can’t see you.”
He exhales as he stares at me, emotion burning in his eyes.
The elevator door opens and we step out. He watches me as I fumble around in my purse for keys. Finally I find them and unlock my door.
I turn to look at him, my heart hurting.
He’s still standing there when I shut the door.
I rest against it and let the tears I’ve held at bay all day finally come.
Rose
THE FOLLOWING DAY, OSCAR AND I show up at Robert and Anne’s penthouse for dinner. Oscar hasn’t seen them much over the years, just a few times when they would pop in to New York for a quick visit.
“How do I look?” he asks me, seeming anxious as he straightens his purple Tom Ford tie as we stand in front of the heavy cream-colored double doors, about to knock.
“Awesome.”
He clears his throat, an odd look on his face. He’s nervous and I frown, reading his body language. “What is it? You’re not telling me something.”
He exhales, his shoulders dipping as he turns to face me. “There’s something I need to tell you. Maybe I should have told you a long time ago—but I didn’t.”
“Okay, that sounds ominous. Are you really straight?”
He snorts and gestures to his pale gray suit with tightly creased skinny slacks and argyle yellow socks. “Does this ensemble say straight to you?”
“No.”
“Right.” He fluffs out his hair.
“Spill. You’re keeping secrets from me. Are you and Axe getting married?”
He sighs. “I wish. No, Robert asked me not to tell you, but remember how I told you I got a last minute scholarship for NYU and that’s how I was able to come to New York?”
I nod. “Yea, you always told me you got the underprivileged-smart-kid-who-also-happens-to-be-gay scholarship. I recall your letter was very last minute and I was worried for you.”
Oscar grimaces. “My letter wasn’t late. It came and the scholarship was denied. I just couldn’t tell you because I knew how much you wanted NYU for both of us.”
Oh. “Okay, so how did you get the money?”
Oscar gives me a look. “Robert . . . or Spider . . . I don’t know which one for sure . . . footed the bill for everything.”
My mouth flaps open and I quickly close it. I shake my head. “Stop joking. What’s going on?”
He exhales. “Four years ago, one day after Spring Fling, I got this call from Spider. He said he just wanted to check in on you.”
I’m in shock. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me! You know how much I would have wanted to know that!”
“You were already with Trenton, and honestly, I just didn’t want you to be sad or to go off and try to see him in LA.” He gives me a look.
I nod, remembering how depressed I’d been. I might have gone to LA. I don’t know.
“Anyway, he asked a few questions and wanted to know if I was going to NYU with you, and I told him the whole story . . . that I’d been accepted but my scholarship didn’t come through. That seemed to be the end of it.”
“But it wasn’t?”
He shakes his head. “A few days later, Robert showed up at my door with papers to sign from a foundation that paid for my entire education. All I had to do was contact the foundation each semester with my total and they’d pay it. The address of the foundation was a place in LA. That’s why I think it was Spider who paid for it.”
My heart is pounding and my head is trying to wrap around all this information. “Why wouldn’t Robert want me to know?”