That alone made me call out, “Eton, let him up here. It’s fine.”
Nev stepped lightly onto the bridge from the top of the stairs, and Eton followed with much more force, his steps ringing over the metal grating.
“Yes?” I asked Nev politely enough, ignoring Eton. I wasn’t exactly thrilled to see him, but I had invited him up here.
Nev smiled—a nice smile with those too-white teeth. “We haven’t had much time to get formally acquainted yet, Captain. I hoped we could take advantage of this unfortunate mishap with the canisters, and that you might let me apologize for losing my temper earlier. Please allow me to buy you a drink.”
Eton practically choked, while I had to snap my own mouth closed. “You…want to buy me a drink?” I stuttered.
It was definitely the first time in my life anyone had ever offered me that. I had to fight down a hysterical laugh. Didn’t he have any idea who I was? It wasn’t even that I was the captain, but more what I was.
Nev’s smile didn’t lessen. “I’m pretty sure that’s what I said.”
Eton finally found his voice. “There’s no way in blazing hell the captain is going with you.”
I turned on Eton with the same incredulity, except this time my words were deadly quiet. “Are you trying to speak for me, now?”
“Qole, look at him!” He threw his hands at our new loader. “This character was apparently skulking around Gamut for days asking questions about you! He’s some offworlder here for his own reasons. He doesn’t know the first thing about catching Shadow.”
“Like you once didn’t, you mean?” The reminder made Eton snap his mouth closed and fold his arms. I crossed my own arms and stood right in front of him. The difference between our relative sizes was probably especially obvious since I came up to his shoulder, but between the two of us, I knew which one wasn’t backing down. My voice stayed low, my words measured. “I think I’ll have a drink with Nev. We’ll be back in less than an hour.”
Eton made a thunderous noise of exasperation. “Telu, do you hear this?” He looked down through the floor.
“Telu’s getting some rest,” I said.
“Like we all should be. Hey, Basra, Arjan! Can you talk some sense into Qole?”
Unfortunately, Arjan had joined Basra at his comm station down below, and the two of them were looking back up at us through the floor, watching the scene on the bridge play out. Oddly, Basra had his hand on my brother’s arm. Now that I thought about it, I’d been seeing them together more and more, when we had the rare bit of downtime.
“Qole, I’m not sure that’s best—” Arjan began.
Basra cleared his throat loudly, interrupting him. “This is a negotiation you can’t win, so don’t even bother. Let’s get some sleep ourselves.” He swept away from his console then, firmly guiding Arjan alongside and adding over his shoulder, “I’d advise against killing Eton, however, Captain. We need him.”
Typical Basra, ever aware of the value of everything—and everyone. I didn’t think he let things like feelings cloud his judgment. He even preferred identifying as a he, for the most part, not because he felt more like one, but because of the slight edge it gave him when haggling—something I could at least understand as a young female captain, with my every move challenged or underestimated.
Yet it raised the sudden question: What was between my brother and him? Basra had joined our crew a couple of years ago, following Arjan, Telu, and Eton, in that order, and I’d never quite figured out why. Of course we needed a trader to deal with the Shadow once we’d caught it, and he was a trader, but I’d had no idea what he was doing on Alaxak. He kept closed-mouthed about his past, much like Eton—much like anyone from off-planet, really—and so I hadn’t pressed him. But as it became clearer and clearer that Basra was no ordinary trader, gender fluidity aside, I’d wondered. And now, as I glanced down at him and my brother before the door closed behind them, their hands nearly brushing as they left the crews’ stations, I really wondered.
First things first. I was apparently having a drink, of all things, with our new loader, of all people. As absurd as that was, it would be worth it if it would teach Eton a valuable lesson. I was too wired to sleep, anyway…and maybe the tiniest bit impressed that Nev hadn’t dived for his bunk first thing himself. I started away from my control console, heading for the stairs, and Nev turned to follow me.
“Qole,” Eton said. He was in no mood.
I was in less of a mood as I blew past him. “Captain Qole. You know, Captain Uvgamut would be even better.”
“Qole,” he said again. “You belong on the ship.” He scowled as he slid in front of me, his long, powerful legs scissoring the distance in no time. For a second, it looked like Nev edged forward in that posturing, protective way some idiot men had…but no, he’d only shifted to lean against some lockers. “You’re the captain, as you just reminded me.”
“You mean, I’m safer on the ship.” My scowl matched Eton’s. “I think I can handle this guy.” I gestured dismissively at Nev, and one of his eyebrows lifted.
“And so can I! At the very least let me go with you. It’s my job to be your strong-arm. Let me do my job.” The rumble of Eton’s deep voice was louder than the scrape of his huge boots over the metal grating.
He had a point, but this wasn’t a fresh argument he was raising. It just about stank with old familiarity, like a carcass washed up and rotting on the beach, and I was sick of it. Also, Nev was now watching me with appraisal in his oddly bright eyes, and for some reason I didn’t want him to think I couldn’t handle myself. Also, I was now blazingly furious, which had nothing really to do with either of them.
The blackness pulsed inside me, threatening the corners of my vision. Neither Eton nor Nev stepped back. Brave, I thought, or stupid, depending on how much they could see in my eyes. Shadow poisoning wasn’t contagious, but most locals knew enough to not want to be near someone like me when they were angry. And you really didn’t want to be around when they finally snapped. Some went quietly into madness, like my parents. Others didn’t.
Control, I’m in control, I chanted to myself. The surges were getting worse, and I didn’t seem to be getting much better at containing them. But I had to. If I didn’t, I would soon be dead. Or worse: a screaming, babbling shell of my former self, too out of my mind to know I’d be better off dead.
I breathed deeply, trying to steady my anger. Even so, I took a sudden step toward Eton, making him do an agile dance to keep from knocking into me. In other circumstances, it would have been comical. As big as he was, he was quicker on his feet than anyone I’d ever seen.
He also jumped out of my way, which was the effect I’d wanted.
“Stay on the ship,” I said. He opened his mouth to protest, but I added, “That’s an order.”