Using the papers that Darius, the vampire whom I’d worked a case with a while ago, had made, saying I was a legal—though completely fictitious—person, I’d gotten a full-time job in the MLE office as a peacekeeper. I’d figured I would be out running around, dodging spells and fighting for my life.
Instead, I sat in this boring cube with a mountain of paperwork and an uncomfortable chair. Occasionally I got to get out of the office, sure, but we were encouraged to use our words to pacify the situations, not our fists.
What did I know about using words? That wasn’t my style at all.
What a bunch of hooey.
If it weren’t for the regular paycheck, which kept me from dipping into the stash of cash I’d earned from completing the job for Darius, I would’ve walked away by now.
Well, that, and getting my chance to show up Garret the douche, the single most annoying peacekeeper in the MLE. It was going to happen. I wanted to be the rightful king of the office, the agent everyone thought was the best.
I just needed that chance.
“Who was beheaded?” I asked, watching Clarissa for signs of lying. She was a wily one when she wanted someone else to do her work.
“An older witch. The human police on scene thought it might’ve been done by a sword.”
“What else?”
She hesitated. “What do you mean?”
“What else is there to the case? A sword attack is pretty tame. Was the victim held by a hook in his navel over a simmering pot of mysterious potion or something?”
Things I’d learned about myself during the two months on the job: I got really gruesome when routinely bored.
“Or maybe the aggressor is still on scene somewhere, waiting to strike again?” I continued. “Because that could be a good time.”
“Psycho.” My annoying coworker Garret’s voice carried through the gray cube wall separating our desks. It was my boss Captain Lox’s terrible humor to put our desks so close together.
My hands curled into fists despite my best efforts to remain calm. “I wasn’t talking to you, Garret.”
“Good. I don’t want your crazy rubbing off on me,” he said in an elevated voice. Someone in our cube farm of an office snickered. “You should just shove off. We don’t need your kind around here.”
“And what kind is that, Garret? Competent?”
“Vampire lovers, that’s what kind. You should go back out onto the streets where you belong.”
“I am not a vampire lover, you donkey. I am stalked by the buggers. Not my fault.”
“Whatever, freak,” he said.
“Sticks and stones, Garret. Sticks and stones.” I rolled my eyes. “Speaking of sticks, did you take my advice and head to the gym? I worry about you. One wrong move and a leg might crack. Feebleness has a cure, my dear boy. Movement. You should try it.”
“I move plenty, or hasn’t anyone told you who reigns as king around these parts?”
See? He always had that on me. It instantly invalidated every rebuttal.
“Anyway,” Clarissa said in a slightly shaking voice. The office personnel got a little on edge when Garret and I disagreed. Our past was fraught with…incidents. “There isn’t any potion or anything, no. But he might’ve shown signs of struggle.”
“Might’ve?”
“Well, he was sitting in a chair when it happened—”
“Nope,” I said, turning my head back toward the ceiling.
“They think it was a magical sword that holds power—”
“Nope,” I said again. “I was hired on for the more dangerous, robust cases. This was assigned to you for a reason. It sounds pretty tame. You don’t need me.”
“C’mon, Reagan, please? It’ll take you two seconds to solve the case. It’s girls’ night out tonight. I don’t want to miss it. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve gotten out of the house without kids? Please. I really need this.”
I hated sob stories that involved missing a party. They pulled at my heartstrings.
The slide of my boots across the clean desk surface preceded the thunk of them hitting the ground. No clumps of dirt flaked off. Yet another sign that the job was too slow.
I missed my bounty hunter gig.
“You’ll come?” Clarissa said, bouncing up and down. Being that she was mid-forties and had birthed a few kids, there was a lot bouncing up and down with her.
“Yeah, sure, but I’m leaving directly after. I’m not going to hang around while you do paperwork.”
“Pushover,” Garret drawled.
I gritted my teeth, trying to keep a surge of violence at bay. Captain Lox had told me I couldn’t physically assault Garret. If I had a problem, I was supposed to take it through the proper channels. That was apparently how offices in the Brink ran, and MLE was trying to do things by the book. This was explained to me after our first “episode.” Garret had harassed me (office language for being a dick) shortly after I started working at MLE full-time—he’d said you’ve got a big ass, and I had (understandably) punched him in the mouth, shaking loose a tooth. We’d both had to sit through hours of videos on why each of us had behaved badly. On that occasion, everyone more or less agreed he’d deserved it, but I had been warned that when he didn’t deserve it, I’d get a red flag in my file. Three red flags, and I’d be fired.
Three flags had come and gone rather quickly. The captain had quietly boosted my flag limit to five.
I was now sitting pretty at four and doing pretty good, if I said so myself. When Garret was absolutely unbearable, I waited until after hours, followed him in the shadows, and then punched him in the mouth.
He’d had a lot of trips to the dentist in the last couple months. It hadn’t kept him from continuing to badger me.
The hot and sticky air coated my exposed skin the moment we left the cool of the air-conditioned building. I grimaced as I followed Clarissa to her car, and slipped my phone into the leather pouch at my waist. It jostled a bunch of casings filled with spells that were weak and mostly useless. The office kept us stocked up, and even though they weren’t great, they were free. I’d keep putting my hand out for free spells, no problem.
“I’ll debrief you while we’re on the way,” Clarissa said after we were in and she’d started up the engine.
“You don’t have to. I can just take a look for myself when we get there.”
“This one is tricky, though.” She gave a little laugh, condescending in nature. It was very mage-like of her. “It has some serious magical elements. The mage work will surely be above your expertise, since, you know, you aren’t a mage.”
She’d said that before. I didn’t bother to argue. It wasted time.