揙h, please. Forgive me if I found my Regis roll craving just as important as your five-hundred-dollar craving. And who am I talking to? Why don抰 you enlighten me? Are you some European prince? Royalty? Should I curtsy to His Majesty, Grand Duke of Dickheadistan??
I have to bite my cheek to hold in a laugh. I hope this firecracker moonlights in stand-up comedy.
揧ou抮e a riot. And if there is such a country, it sounds like they抎 better make you an ambassador. You抮e fluent in the neighboring asshole dialect.?
She shrugs, finally taken aback, glancing away sharply.
揑 was being serious. You suck,?she says, still avoiding my eyes.
揂nd you think you抮e cute,?I fire back.
揘o, but apparently you do,?she says, finally looking at me.
I fold my arms, waiting for whatever bullshit she抯 about to fling.
She grins. 揧ou wouldn抰 have said it if you didn抰 think so.?
Fuck.
Cute is an understatement. There抯 no denying she抯 gorgeous.
She just happens to be a coldhearted, ruthless, pastry-stealing queen bitch on top of it.
揝ir? I have your cinnamon rolls packed up. Are you ready to check out??the barista says like a voice cutting in from another world.
揂lmost. I need a box of black coffee, too.?
The barista nods, moves to the back counter, and preps my coffee.
揑 hope all that抯 for the miserable souls who have to put up with you,?the little thief says.
揑t抯 for my staff. I feed my people well so they can keep up with me,?I grumble, knowing that抯 only half true.
揔eep telling yourself that, Big shot.?She goes quiet for a minute before clucking her tongue and saying, 揧ou would have a staff.?
揥hat抯 that mean??I ask slowly.
Why do I even care?
I don抰 know this chick from Eve and what I know about her, I despise. Who cares what she thinks about me? I don抰, and I hope today is enough for her to buzz off.
With any luck, she抣l pick a different cafe and I抣l never see her again. It抯 a big city, or at least big enough.
I pay for the coffee and sweets without looking back at that literal green-eyed monster. The barista hands me three neatly packaged boxes of cinnamon rolls and a huge box of hot coffee.
I didn抰 plan on ordering breakfast for the whole company this morning.
I haven抰 thought this balancing act through, hoisting the coffee on my shoulders and heading for the door. I try to carry everything, but have to set it all down, reposition things, and try again at the table by the door.
The devil in the black dress lingers there as she waits for her bear claw, watching as I finally manage to get everything stacked in a way so I can trudge out the door.
That抯 all right, sweetheart. Don抰 get the door for me. I can manage just fine.
She must read my mind because she smiles at me.
揑抎 like to help, but...?
揙ffer not accepted. Save your energy for that breakfast you抣l pretend to enjoy,?I snarl, kicking the corner of the door open and spinning my way out.
Her high-pitched laugh is the last thing I hear.
I roll my eyes, swearing as a broken section of sidewalk catches my shoe. I almost drop hot coffee on my feet three times before I make it back to my car.
揙h my God. Oh my Gawd, this is heaven,?Lucy moans as she gnaws at a Regis roll and drops into the seat between Ida and me with a thud.
Apparently, eating for two makes you treat a pastry like it抯 a wagyu steak.
揂re you okay??I ask.
She抯 going to pop any minute, and I抎 rather it not happen here. I also wish her the best.
I don抰 know how this office梕specially yours truly梬ill survive her maternity leave. As my executive assistant, Lucy keeps the place in order so I can focus on what I do best. Making money.
揙h, I抦 fine.?She takes another bite that makes her eyes bulge. 揝ay, since when do you sit in on interviews??
揑 told him it wasn抰 necessary,?Ida, my HR director, says with a flourish of her skunk-striped silver and black hair. 揑t抯 a senior copywriter position.?
揘ot just any copywriter position,?I correct. 揟his new wedding line stands to make us billions of dollars梚f it抯 marketed properly. I抦 personally invested when the talent will make or break us. Besides, anyone we bring on right now has to be fully competent. You抮e about to go on maternity leave, Lucy, so that means I can抰 have new hires who need endless coddling. There抯 no time. Anyone we hire has to hit the ground running.?
Lucy laughs. 揑 love being essential. How will you survive without me around here, boss??
揥e抣l manage,?I snap, hating that she has to rub her absence in. 揓ust get back as soon as possible.?
揑抣l get him a temp,?Ida says.
揢gh, good freaking luck. That never works out. It抯 usually worse than not having any assistant at all,?Lucy says, wincing. 揑f you really want, I can try to sort your emails and the small stuff from home.?
揕ike hell. I won抰 have you working with a newborn. I抦 not a complete ogre,?I say, raking a hand through my hair.
揘ot only that, but it抯 against the law, boss,?Ida remarks. Leave it to an HR director to bring legalese into it and downplay my generosity.
She shrugs. 揌ey, as long as I抦 getting paid. I抦 happy to help however I can when I抦 not sneaking in naps.?
揓ust take care of your kidlet and be ready to put out any fires when you get back. Mark my words. Shit will fall apart,?I tell them.
揥ell, it抯 nice to be needed.?She takes another heaping bite of the roll and lets out a moan of pure bliss.
揝top that. We抮e having breakfast before an important interview, not recording adult audiobooks here,?I snarl.
Lucy and Ida share a laugh.
揂nd what would you know about erotic audiobooks, Mr. Burns??Ida asks.
揘ot enough to play into anything that would invite the ire of corporate harassment policies,?I say.
揑s that why everyone loves these things so much? They抮e better than sex??Lucy twirls the last knob of her roll in her hand, staring at it.
Her words are jumbled because she抯 still chewing. She swallows loudly.
I don抰 dignify her musings with a response.
Thankfully, Anna Patel walks in a second later. My marketing head wears her usual bright colors like she just stepped out of a van Gogh painting. Today, it抯 a vivid yellow dress. Exactly the person I need to whip our focus back on business and not on erotic cinnamon rolls or whatever the fuck.
揋ood morning.?She hands me and Lucy a copy of the resum?in question before she sits beside Lucy. 揑 have a good feeling about this candidate, Mr. Burns. She could be the one.?
I scan the resum? The name jumps off the page.
Dakota Poe.
I snort.
揂ny relation to Edgar Allan??I mutter out loud, looking up. I haven抰 read any of his morbid classics since I was in high school, but you never forget one of the few authors who made sophomore English class interesting. 揇id Mr. Poe give up his stint in poetry for a junior level copywriting position??
Everyone groans.
Apparently, they like my audiobook jokes better.
I抦 not nearly as impressed as Anna with the prospect, either. Hell, this is probably one of those social media hotshots who legally changed their name to make themselves look more appealing. I don抰 need gimmicks. I抣l even take solid work over experience at an alphabet company.
揝he is quite good at copywriting, though it looks like she dabbles in poetry too.?
I meet Anna抯 eyes.
揝o, Poe抯 a woman? How do you know??
揑 checked out her website. She抯 done rather nice work for smaller companies. I don抰 think she抯 worked with an organization this large before, but if she brings the same creativity here that she抯 shown in her portfolio, she could freshen up the big campaign.?
My brows pull down, my skepticism growing by the second.
揌ow many other candidates are there??
揥ell...I got about a hundred resum閟, but only three candidates worth talking to. If the three musketeers don抰 work out, the only thing I can think of is sending the job requisition back to HR and having it reposted.?
揑 can repost it if we need to,?Ida says.
Lucy sighs. 揑 hope it doesn抰 come to that. We need someone now. The clock is ticking to get them trained in.?
She points at her bulging belly. The other women laugh.