She nodded and groaned as she pushed herself up from her seated position. I helped her, and we walked together down the long, narrow hallway to her bedroom. She needed a bit of help undressing, and I assisted her when she got her nightgown stuck around her neck. It took us a bit, but finally, she was dressed for bed.
"Will you comb my hair, Shannon? I have this monster of a knot in the hair on the back of my head, and I can’t reach it." She touched the back of her head, and her fingers combed through her graying hair until she found the knot.
"Let’s see what I can do." I smiled at her, retrieving her brush from the bathroom.
I brushed her long beautiful hair and had the knot out within seconds. She brushed her teeth, and I helped her to bed. The blankets were pulled up to her chest when I leaned over and kissed her softly on the forehead. Before I could pull back, she reached out and grabbed my hand.
“I have something for you, Shannon,” she said, shocking me with her moment of absolute clarity.
She hadn’t been this lucid throughout my entire visit.
“Hand me the little porcelain box on the dresser,” she directed.
I did as she told me, going across her bedroom and retrieving the tiny box. It had been on top of Grammy’s dresser for as long as I could remember.
She sat up in bed and popped the little top off. Reaching inside with a single finger, she pulled out a gold wedding band.
“This is for you,” she said, setting it in my palm.
“What is it?”
Her face lit up with memories, and she grinned. “It’s your pop’s wedding band. He wanted you to have it.”
My heart ached. “Gram, I can’t take this.”
It belonged to her. It was the symbol of his love for her, and I knew without her saying it how much it meant to her.
“You have to, hon. He told me himself he wanted you to have it. He said, ‘Iris, give this to Shannon when I’m gone, so she can give it to her precious moment when she finds him.’”
Tears rushed to my eyes, and I nodded, accepting the gift even though I knew I would never have anyone to give it to.
Setting the porcelain box back on her dresser, I tucked her into bed once again. And as if the moment of complete clarity never happened, she looked up at me and said, "Will you stay with me until I fall asleep? I get so scared when your pop works late."
I swallowed, blinking hard to keep the tears at bay. "Wild horses couldn’t drag me away."
Setting Pop’s ring on the bedside table, I climbed into bed with her and laid there long after her breathing evened out and her soft snores filled the stillness of the trailer. I hadn’t meant to, but I let the comfort of home and the steady hum of her window unit lull me to sleep.
I woke an hour later with a start. Turning to check on my grams, I found her sleeping soundly. I slowly climbed over her and out of bed. Leaning over, I kissed her forehead and then tiptoed out of the back room.
I made sure everything was off and put away before I left the trailer and locked the door behind me. I wanted to stay the night with her, but I hadn’t brought anything with me, and since I had to be at work early the next morning, I had to get home. But I would be back to check on her. If I had to come over every day, I would until I figured out what to do.
The drive back to Charleston took longer than usual. A three-car pileup had traffic moving at a crawl with brake lights visible as far as the eye could see. Since the thermostat in my car was crap, I was chilled. I spent the drive running over my options. It was obvious Grams couldn’t live alone anymore, but there was no way I could move back to Somersby.
There was no work there.
No opportunities.
And even if I did move back, I would still have to hire someone to watch over her while I worked, assuming I even found a job.
No.
That wouldn’t work.
My only other option was to put her in a home. Maybe a place full of other older people so she could be social and feel alive, but those places were expensive, and the fact remained I had no way to pay for it.
By the time I got back to the apartment, I was still clueless about what to do. I unlocked the door and walked into our place only to find Devin and Lilly going at it on the couch like a bunch of teenagers.
Men.
They were everywhere I turned, and I was over the entire scene.
Even though it was truly disgusting, I found myself longing for what Lilly had, which made it ten times worse. I was so confused about everything in my life. All I wanted to do was shower and go to sleep, but by the time I was out of the shower, Devin was gone, and Lilly was sitting at the end of my bed waiting for me.
“Sorry about that,” she said shyly. “We got a little carried away. You know how it is.”
I didn’t, but I didn’t say that. Instead, I chuckled and shook my head with a forced grin.
“No worries. It was hot,” I lied.
“He just makes me so … I don’t know.” She ran her palms down her face. “I can’t get enough of him.”
I smiled, wishing I could understand that feeling but knowing I never would.
Thinking of all the things I was going to miss—all the things he took away from me—pressed sadness against my chest.
Love.
A family.
Children.
All my precious moments.
They were things I would never be capable of—things that would require physical intimacy.
“I’m glad you’re happy,” I said.
And I was. Lilly was one of the best people I knew, and she had endured just as much, if not more, in her life. She deserved happiness.
“I am. I’m so happy it scares me. I think …” She paused. “No. I know I’m falling for him.”
I wanted to tell her to run from those feelings as fast as she could. Roll army style away from the crazy, gripping the dirt with greedy nails until she was so far away from those feelings and the catastrophe of being around men.
I wanted to warn her of all the bad things men could bring into your life, but I didn’t. Instead, I smiled and said, “He seems like a really nice guy.”
And I guess in a lot of ways he was, but my distrust was too strong.
That night, I laid awake in bed. Unable to sleep, I tossed and turned until I finally gave up and started to play Tetris on my phone. My eyes grew heavy after an hour of watching the colorful blocks fall down my screen, and I felt myself drifting to sleep.
Sleep was pulling me under when my phone lit up, igniting my room in a green hue. Its ringing blasted into the silence of my space, and I jerked awake.
With blurry eyes, I poked at the screen until I pressed the connect button.
“Hello?” I answered, my voice full of sleep.
“Hi. Is this Shannon Daniels?”
I leaned up onto my elbow, jarred by the desperation of the lady’s voice.
“Yes. This is she.”
“Oh, thank the Lord. My name’s Lois. I’m your grandmother’s neighbor. I found your number in the bottom of her purse.”
My heart dropped, and my breath caught in my throat.
“Yes, ma’am. What’s wrong?”
“Well, it seems your grandmother got up for a late-night snack and burned her trailer down.”
“Is she okay?” I whispered, the words feeling stuck to the sides of my mouth.
“Yes. She’s fine. The firemen found her walking down the road in her nightgown looking for her husband.”