“Oh, Trev,” I breathed, shocked by the revelation. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was embarrassed. And I didn’t want you to tell Karla, who would then tell Lee, and then everyone would just feel shitty about the fact that we were too poor growing up to realise I had this stupid condition the whole time. Lee would only beat himself up about it.”
I reached out and gave his arm a squeeze. “Trev, you have to tell them. You can’t just deal with this all on your own, and your family would want to help. I know they would.”
He looked at me now. “Nah, they’ve got enough on their plates. The only reason I’m telling you is because I want you to understand my behaviour. I want you to know the reason I’ve never been able to let you in.” He tapped his left temple. “I was fucked in the head.”
I narrowed my gaze. “You weren’t fucked in the head. Don’t talk about yourself like that. You had a disorder, and if you hadn’t had such a deprived childhood you would’ve been treated for it. It’s not your fault, Trev.”
I pulled him into a hug and he took it willingly. My mind swam with the news, so much about him suddenly making sense. His issues with self-control, his short attention span, his need for high-risk behaviour. All of it was down to this thing he had and never even knew about.
We stood there for a long time, and I felt like my telling him it wasn’t his fault truly hit home. He’d needed someone to tell him that, and I was glad I got to be the person who did. His body practically melted into mine, and it was only when someone bumped into us that we pulled apart
“Oh, shit sorry,” said the guy, beer sloshing out the top of his plastic cup.
I glanced up, about to tell him it was fine when my words fled me. It was him. The guy I’d had a one night stand with a couple months ago, the one who was practically Trev’s twin. Oh God, could this night get any weirder?
“Reya! Hey, how are you?”
I felt Trev watching but couldn’t bring myself to meet his gaze. “Vinnie, hi, fancy meeting you here.”
“You two know each other?” Trev asked and I chanced a peek at him. He was looking Vinnie up and down, mostly homing in on his face and clearly noticing the similarities.
Kill me now.
“Not really,” I said, eyeing Vinnie firmly.
Unfortunately, he was very obviously drunk, which was why he answered so candidly. “You already forgotten how I fucked your brains out a couple months ago, Reya?”
Never more had I wished to be a tortoise, so I could crawl inside my shell and never come back out. Trev stiffened for a second then plastered a devil may care look on his face. “Oh yeah? Sounds like it wasn’t so memorable for her. You must’ve been a shit lay, buddy.”
Vinnie scowled. “Hey, fuck you.”
“Christ, learn how to take a joke.” Trev rolled his eyes.
Vinnie glanced between the two of us then started walking away. “Whatever. Not worth it.”
As soon as he was gone Trev’s attention landed on me and he had such a look of delight on his face I wanted to smack it right off.
“Not a word,” I warned with a hard expression.
He bit his lip as a grin began to slowly shape its way across his mouth.
“I mean it, Trev,” I went on, embarrassed down to my very bones. He knew. He knew I’d slept with Vinnie because he looked like him. It was written all over his smug as hell expression.
He opened his mouth but I spoke first. “No, I don’t want to hear it, so whatever you have to say just keep it to yourself.”
“But –”
“Trevor!”
“Reya, come on, he’s the spitting image of me. We can’t just not talk about it.”
I turned away. “I’m going to get another drink.”
Again he caught me, wrapping his arms around my waist just like before, only this time my skin tingled with awareness. “Okay, you win,” he breathed. “We won’t talk about it. Come dance with me.”
Unable to resist, I let him lead me over to the dance floor, but he didn’t release his grip the entire time. He kept his arms locked tight around my waist as we moved to the beat. At first his hands remained in place, but then as the music started to overtake us he flipped me around so my back was to his front again. His palm slid from my hip to my belly, lightly stroking and causing heat to spread over my entire body. The way he touched me felt intentional. It felt erotic, especially since we were surrounded by people. There was a certain anonymity to the moment. Nobody knew us here. We could do anything and only the two of us would ever know.
“You feel good,” he shouted huskily in my ear.
I swayed my hips, my backside brushing against him and I knew as soon I felt the stiffness in his pants that he was hard. I sucked in a breath at the feel of him. He was aroused. He was aroused because of me. This whole night was starting to feel like a dream where I finally got everything I ever wanted. That everything being Trevor.
His hand on my stomach paused, and this time he pressed his palm into me, holding me back against his erection.
Oh, God.
He felt amazing. Instantly, my mind was awash with images of him taking me right there on the dancefloor, bending me over, pushing my dress up and plunging inside of me. I thought I heard him groan right before the music cut off and a few people started shouting. I craned my neck and saw several uniformed police entering the platform. Crap.
Without a word, Trev grabbed my hand and we both ran in the opposite direction. Sweat beaded on my skin and I felt like I was going to be trampled, or worse, crushed to death, as a stampede of drunk people fled the rave.
We were in the tunnel now, on the tracks, with flashlights shining behind us as the police chased us down. It got darker and darker the further we ran down the tracks, and I briefly prayed that the entire line was abandoned and out of use, because otherwise a train could come along at any second and we’d be toast.
My feet hurt. I wasn’t wearing the right shoes for running on train tracks. I also tried wholeheartedly not to think about all the rats that inhabited the London Underground. I could see lights up ahead and knew we were approaching a functioning station. There were between fifty and a hundred of us, and those waiting around for the next train gasped in surprise when we all started climbing up onto the platform. Trev helped me to safety first, then hitched himself up onto the tiled surface.
My pulse was still going ninety when our eyes met. His were alight with adrenaline, while I was certain mine showed ebbing fear. Sure, if we’d been arrested maybe Karla could’ve gotten us out of it, but still. I didn’t want to get a criminal record just for attending a rave. There were plenty of legal ones we could’ve gone to.