I wonder if they are lying. Gloria lies all the time. Then I start wondering if maybe they found out that Gloria is on her way because angry is what everyone would be if they knew. I pick and pick at my fingers and close my eyes and say, “Will someone please, please, please tell me which one of you is angry?” because you have to be careful around angry people. They get mad and hit.
Then my Forever Mom says, “Ginny, we already told you. No one here is angry. You’re safe. We can talk about the tire tracks some other time. What’s with the frowning face? Now, go wash up and get dressed. You’re going to the apple cider farm next week, and you’ve got a birthday coming up! And you’re going to see Patrice on Wednesday! We already talked with her and made the appointment. Maybe you should mark it on your calendar.”
But that wasn’t a question so I don’t say anything. Plus what she said about the apple cider farm wasn’t true. My class is going there on September 21st, not next week. And now I can’t remember what I was worried about but when I look up I see my Forever Parents looking at me and smiling. I smile back.
“Ginny, would you like a hug?” my Forever Mom says.
I would so I let her give me one. She has to lean forward because her belly is so big.
“Now go change your clothes,” she says.
I go into my room and change into my play clothes. I look out the window at the yard and see the tire tracks again.
And I remember.
It’s hard for me to figure things out sometimes. I get distracted and forget to look at what I’m supposed to look at. Or I go so deep in my brain that I forget what I’m supposed to know. But I know now that no one here at the Blue House is angry. No one yelled and no one hit me. Someone else made the tire tracks but she’s gone now so I can get ready for Gloria. When she comes to school I’ll run out to the Green Car to see if my Baby Doll is with her. If it isn’t then I’m going to have to get in the car and go back to the apartment. Even though I don’t want to. Even though I know what will happen to me. Because I have to see if my Baby Doll is still in the suitcase. If it is and I’m not too late then I need to take it out and take excellent care of it. I can tell that Gloria hasn’t changed a bit. I remember all the drugs and cats and the strange men at night. I remember what she used to do to me when I made too much noise. But the worst part is Donald. He’s going to be really, really mad when he finds out what I did. He’s going to make me dead. Gloria said so.
And I believe her even though she’s the one who lies.
Whenever Gloria left to get more Maine coons or see her dealer I had my Baby Doll to keep me company but now my Baby Doll is there by itself. I don’t know if you can hear anything when you’re zipped up tight inside a suitcase. Waiting.
So I have to go back.
Maybe when I run out to the Green Car, Gloria will be in a good place. Maybe she’ll get out and give me a big hug and say, “Holy shit, Ginny! You have really grown! Your eyes are still green? Even though you got adopted and changed your name, you’ll always have green eyes. Just like us!”
I hope she is right.
6
6:45 IN THE MORNING,
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 10TH
It is 6:45 which means it is time for school. I have my backpack on and my flute case and I am wearing my watch. I wear my watch everywhere I go except the shower.
My Forever Dad is with me. Usually he stands in the screen porch while I go out to get on the bus but today he wanted to come along. We are walking across the grass to where the bus comes which is at the end of the driveway. We pass the tire tracks. On the ground near one of the tracks I see a white plastic box so I pick it up. It is a Tic Tac box with five white Tic Tacs inside. I hold the box up and count the Tic Tacs two more times. I shake them. They rattle.
“What’s that?” my Forever Dad says.
I don’t answer. Gloria always had Tic Tacs. She always smelled like Tic Tacs and cigarettes. White ones were her favorite.
Then I remember that the curtains in the screen porch smelled like cigarettes too.
I look at my Forever Dad and shake the Tic Tacs. I point to them. “These are from Gloria,” I say.
My Forever Dad makes a breathing sound with his mouth. He nods. “Yes, they probably are,” he says.
Then he takes them because he says they might be dirty even though I promise not to eat any.
“How did they get here?” I say.
“Well...” he says but then he doesn’t say anything else.
What this means is that Gloria came here to the Blue House. Yesterday. That was where the tire tracks came from. She was the angry person. She came when I was at school. Then she peeled out and left. Which means she came to the wrong place. Which means I won’t be able to run out to the parking lot to see if my Baby Doll is in the Green Car with her. I won’t be able to go back to the apartment and check inside the suitcase.
To make sure I say, “Did Gloria come to the Blue House yesterday?”
“Yes,” my Forever Dad says. “Gloria came to the Blue House yesterday.”
“Did she bring my Baby Doll?”
He gets a funny look on his face. “No, she didn’t bring your Baby Doll. Ginny, I know you don’t like us to even say it, but if you want a new doll, we’ll get you one. Do you want to go to the toy store this afternoon?”
“No, thank you, I don’t want to go to the toy store.” I use my friendly voice even though it makes me really mad when people ask that question. “When is she coming back?”
“She isn’t coming back. She scared your mom pretty badly and made quite a scene. She even ran over our mailbox.”
I don’t know what quite a scene is but I know that when Gloria is angry she yells a lot and fights. She breaks things and hits.
I look at the mailbox. It is lying on the ground with its side all bent and its door open. Like a mouth, not moving.
“Ginny?”
I come up out of my brain. “What?” I say.
“I said she isn’t coming back. The police came to tell her she isn’t allowed to visit.”
But I know that Gloria never does what the police tell her. She is very sneaky. I know she wants to come back and I know I have to help her. I have to find out if I’m too late. Even though I’m scared. Even though Gloria gets really violent and is completely unreliable which is what one of the social workers said. I have to know what happened to my Baby Doll.
I hear the bus coming from around the corner.
“We can talk about this some more after school,” my Forever Dad says. “Would that be good?”
I see the bus so I start counting.
“Ginny?”
“I see the bus,” I say.
“Yes, I see it, too,” my Forever Dad says. “We’ll talk some more after school, if you want.”
The bus takes thirteen seconds before it pulls up to the side of the road. My Forever Dad gives me a squeeze on the shoulder. I don’t recoil because it’s okay for him to do that. Because once he asked me if he could give me a hug and I said no so he asked if a squeeze on the shoulder would be all right and I said yes it would be. My Forever Mom can give me a hug if she asks but my Forever Dad is a man so it has to be a shoulder squeeze.
My brain is moving too fast. The pictures in it are like hands flying up at my face.
“Ginny?” he says.
“Goodbye,” I say. And then I get on the bus.
7