She heard the intake of breath, the mild tut of annoyance beneath the mask. ‘Temper, temper. That isn’t going to help you. You’ve just made me decide.’
He turned to the side and pulled forward a gleaming stainless steel trolley holding an array of instruments, all of which she was familiar with. IUCD hook, uterine scissors, a Cusco vaginal speculum, and beside these an anaesthetic mask. Her body went rigid with fear as she saw him pick it up. A Schimmelbusch. The only time Alex had seen one of these before was in a glass cabinet in the study of a retired anaesthetist. It reminded her of the type of mask worn in fencing, a protective device that covered the nose and mouth. Only this was a cruder version: the size of a grapefruit, it consisted of a cradle of thin wire with gauze woven between so that liquid anaesthetic could be dropped onto it and soaked up before being inhaled by the wearer.
‘Open circuit,’ he calmly said. ‘You can’t beat the old-fashioned method. No airway to insert. No anaesthetic machine to monitor. Just gauze and a mask. And gas, of course, leaving your hands free to do other things.’
Her bravery had fled. Her control collapsed. There was no reasoning. There was no escape. He could do what he liked to her and she couldn’t stop him. Fleetingly, she wondered if it would be better if she died on the table. She could leave life behind without ever knowing it had ended.
‘On the other hand, if I knock you out, it stops you and me from talking. You never know, I may need your help if things get tricky. I could give you a mirror and you can direct me if I have a problem. A vulvectomy can be a tad messy.’
Her breathing was too fast and too shallow. Her head was beginning to tingle as she fixated on the mask in his hand. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t talk .?.?.
‘Last chance, Alex. I can make this easy. A short sleep for you, while I do what we both know you’d rather say yes to, and then afterwards it’s home to beddy-byes. So I’ll ask once more: What does “no” mean?’
Her entire body began to shake. The big muscles in her chest and buttocks and thighs moved continuously. The head blocks and neck collar, the arm restraints and ankle stirrups visibly shook. Tears streamed down her face along with mucous from her nose and mouth, and through all of it she screamed a silent, ‘No’ as she made herself say the opposite out loud.
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.’ Now he was making it difficult for her to be heard. He’d changed his mind, and the mask was now covering half her face and the liquid gas was doing its work.
‘I said yes,’ she whispered drowsily. ‘No means yes.’
Chapter two
Alex opened her eyes. She was lying on a trolley, a white sheet draped over her, and two of her colleagues calmly stared down at her. Fiona Woods, her best friend and senior nursing sister of the A & E department and Caroline Cowan, senior A & E consultant. Both wore similar expressions – reassuring ones – and warm smiles were quickly offered. She knew exactly where she was, even down to the cubicle she was in: number 9.
She could see on Fiona’s fob watch that it was nearly 2 a.m. She had been working here in the department five hours ago, showering quickly in the staff changing room, her dress hanging up, ready to wear, her make-up and perfume on. Such a short time ago, and yet so much had changed. Her life had hung in the balance. If she’d said no .?.?. if she’d refused .?.?. if she’d been braver .?.?.
She screwed her eyes shut, breathed deeply and slowly, and when she was ready she opened them again.
‘Hello, sweetie,’ Caroline said in her best caring voice. ‘Can you tell me what happened? Tell me what day it is, and where you think you are?’
Alex wasn’t yet able to speak about the first question. She concentrated on answering the second and third instead. ‘It’s Sunday, the thirtieth of October, and I’m in the city of Bath, in my own hospital, and in my own department.’
Caroline smiled again. ‘You are indeed, sweetie, only now, it’s the thirty-first. You gave us a fright. The storm outside has been horrendous, non-stop rain and wind. You gave us a proper scare.’ She nodded reassuringly. ‘But you’re all right. A couple of grazes to your knees and a bit of a bump on the back of your head, but otherwise you’re fine. Good job Patrick insisted the search carry on, otherwise we might be treating you for hypothermia. I’m going to suggest you stay overnight. Do a few neuro obs on you. You were pretty out of it. In a moment I’m going to call in a few others so we can check you over. Stay nice and still, and before you know it we’ll have you out of that collar.’
Tears of relief flooded Alex’s eyes and she blinked them away. Caroline’s fair eyebrows pulled together in a frown. She looked older than she was, her sturdy body and forearms strong and toned, not from clinical work but from the years she’d spent helping her husband on their farm.
‘Oh, sweetie, don’t cry. We’ll have you sitting up with a cup of tea in no time. Fiona, go round up some more bodies. Let’s get our favourite doctor sorted out quickly. None of the boys, mind,’ she warned Fiona in a friendly tone. ‘I’m sure Alex doesn’t want that lot to see her cute bum.’
Alex lay perfectly still. She felt deeply tired and was grateful for Caroline’s matter-of-fact manner and easy banter. Later she could scream. Later she could howl her head off and crumple in a heap, but for now it was better that she stay calm. She would need to be calm if she was going to be of any help to the police.
Three nurses came back into the cubicle along with Fiona Woods.
‘I’ll take the head,’ Fiona said to Caroline. The other nurses positioned themselves down one side of Alex, and each put their hands on a part of her body. Her shoulder, her hip and her leg were firmly held. Standing at the head of the table, Fiona positioned her hands either side of Alex’s head while Caroline loosened the neck collar and took away the head blocks. The senior consultant then carefully placed her hand behind Alex’s neck, and starting at the base of the skull, felt the cervical spine for any sign of tenderness or deformity.
She felt Alex wince. ‘That a bit sore?’
Alex started to nod and Fiona commanded her to stay still. ‘Hey you, you should know better than that!’ Her face was only inches away from Alex’s and she smelled of cigarette smoke. Fiona had obviously taken up the habit again. It was a shame, because she had been doing well on the patches.
Over the next few minutes, while rolled onto her side in an in-line immobilisation position with her head supported in Fiona’s strong hands, the rest of her spine was checked carefully. Lastly, a moment of humiliation, especially as she knew all these people – Caroline inserted a finger into her rectum to assess sphincter tone. Then it was over and a huge smile covered Caroline’s face as Alex was rolled back.