“Why?!” I shouted, my chest heaving and my heart breaking bit by bit. “Why do you do this to me? Why do you keep doing this to me?” I sobbed uncontrollably. “I can’t fucking do this anymore! I can’t watch you die! I can’t watch you kill yourself more than I already have!” I bawled, my body shaking.
“I hate you! Do you hear me, Austin?! I fucking hate you!” I screamed loud enough to break glass.
Heaving, I leaned over and placed my hands on my knees for support, struggling to breathe in and out.
“Why do you do this to me? Please, Austin, please fucking enlighten me! I’m sorry! I’m so fucking sorry!” I whimpered hysterically.
He didn’t try to comfort me like he always did. He didn’t try to hold me, touch me, kiss me, or reassure me.
Lie to me.
Nothing.
I wiped my face, standing to look at him again. He hadn’t moved from the place he sat. His body was lifeless.
“Austin,” I murmured so low I could hardly hear myself. “Austin,” I said a little louder.
My feet moved on their own accord. Inch by inch, I made my way around the couch, old needles, bags, and God knows what else crunching under my feet. I felt as though I was having an out of body experience. I was there, but I wasn’t. Closing my eyes, I swallowed hard before I was standing fully in front of him.
“Please, God,” I found myself saying as I slowly opened my eyes.
My body shuddered as I took in the needle that was still lodged into his vein, his eyes were closed, and his head leaned over to the side.
“No!” I lunged into action, tearing the syringe out of his arm and throwing it as hard as I could across the place I called Hell on Earth.
“No! No! No! No!” I repeated, grabbing his face, making him look at me. All the color had drained from his body, his lips turned blue.
“Austin!” I shook him. “Austin!” I shook him harder. “AUSTIN!” I slapped him across the face.
Nothing.
“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”
He wasn’t breathing.
“Don’t do this to me! Don’t you do this to me again! Do you fucking hear me! Please! Don’t leave me!”
I reached for my phone.
“9-1-1, what is your emergency?”
“He’s not breathing. I don’t know what to do! Please, please, help him!” I explained as much as I could to the operator, but my thoughts were scattered.
“Where is your exact location?”
“We’re in the back of the warehouse overlooking the harbor by Wallace Street and Grant Avenue.”
“Ma’am, help is on the way. I need you to calm down. Can you do that for me?”
“I don’t know! He’s not breathing. Please don’t let him die!”
“Ma’am, I need you to calm down. You can’t help him if you don’t calm down.”
I nodded even though she couldn’t see me.
“Ma’am, are you still there?”
“Yes.”
“I need you to lay him on his side with his knees bent for support. Make sure his face is turned to the side. Can you do that?”
“I think so.”
I gently laid him down on the couch and did as I was told. My hands shaking the entire time.
“The paramedics are almost there.”
The rest proceeded in slow motion.
Paramedics filled the vacant space, pushing me to the side. Narcan being injected up his nose. Paddles shocking him back to life.
“One, two, three, clear.”
His body jolted.
“One, two, three, clear.”
His body jerked again.
“He’s breathing.”
Laying him on a stretcher.
Rushing him into the ambulance.
Holding his hand the entire ride.
Emergency room…
Paperwork…
Insurance…
“Briggs,” a familiar voice called out, pulling me out of my fog.
I cocked my head to the side.
“Briggs, do you remember me? I’m Aubrey’s mom.”
I nodded unable to form words.
“They’re not going to let you go back there, honey. You’re not immediate family. It’s hospital policy. He’s in good hands. I promise I will do everything I can to make sure he comes out of this alive. That being said, there’s a chance he’s not… he was dead for too…” She placed her hand on my shoulder in a comforting gesture with hesitation, unsure how to proceed. “Honey, you need to call his family as soon as possible, time may not be on our side today. They need to be here now.”
I nodded again as she reassuringly squeezed my shoulder. I walked out the double doors of the emergency room, wanting some privacy. The cool breeze was a welcome feeling against my feverish face. The chaos all around me was too hard to ignore. I reached into my pocket for my phone and it was then that I noticed I was shaking. I couldn’t form one coherent thought as I dialed his number. Shame and remorse submerged me, pulling me under, making it hard to breathe.
“Hello,” he answered. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but nothing came out.
“Darlin’, are you there?”
“Dylan,” I softly whispered his name into the phone. He was Austin’s best friend, and the only one that knew the truth.
“Briggs? Are you alright?”
“I-it’s Austin,” I blurted out, my voice breaking, the words causing my stomach to turn.
“What?”
“It’s Austin, Dylan. I found him. He called me after you did.”