“He’s okay.”
Raj is Vivs’s on-again off-again boyfriend. I can’t really get a handle on what their problem is but they seem to break up and make up an awful lot. Ron and I really like him. He’s an engineering major at KU, which means he will actually leave school with a useful degree, which is more than I can say for either of my daughters.
“Have you heard from Laura?” she asks.
“Not for a couple of days. You?”
“Yeah, I had lunch with her today. She’s freaking out because she was snapped making out with two different guys on the same night. Someone posted the pictures on Instagram and now she looks like the campus slut. She didn’t call you?”
“Oh, my God. No, she didn’t.”
Ron raises an eyebrow at me.
“I’ll call her tomorrow.”
“Don’t tell her I said anything.”
“I won’t. Thanks for giving me a heads-up.”
“K. Love you.”
“Love you too, baby.” I hang up.
“Oh, my God!”
“What happened?” Ron asks.
“I guess Laura’s taking a page out of her old mom’s handbook.” I can’t help but smile.
“What, is she pregnant?”
“Nooo, that comes after college. Haven’t you been paying attention?”
“Obviously not.”
I roll on my side to face him.
“It seems she made out with two different guys at a party and someone took pictures and posted them on Instagram.”
“Our Laura? Didn’t-have-a date-until-she-was-seventeen Laura?”
“The very same. Poor baby. Vivs says she’s freaking. I’ll call her tomorrow.”
5
* * *
To: Parents
From: JDixon
Date: 10/25
Subject: Parent/teacher conferences
Hello, fellow parents!
6
I’m not sure why I hate Halloween so much, but I really do. It might have something to do with my parents’ lack of enthusiasm for “that heathen holiday,” but who knows? Having kids means you have to jump on the bandwagon and pretend that dressing up in ridiculous outfits and going door to door begging strangers for candy is A-OK.
I blessed the day Vivs and Laura outgrew trick-or-treating, and I lived happily with the knowledge that I would never have to do it again. Yeah. That’s what I get for making plans. Luckily, I live with the only person more in love with Halloween than a five-year-old boy. I’ve gone out with Ron and Max other years, but tonight they are flying solo. My only job is to give kids a hard time when they come to our house.
As I’m filling our trick candy bowl (the green skeleton hand comes down when you reach inside to get treats, mwa-ha-ha-ha!), the doorbell rings.
“Trick or treat, Mrs. Dixon!”
It’s Zach T. and Peetsa. Zach T. is dressed as a mailman. Peetsa has a witch’s hat on and a bottle of wine in her hand.
“Hey, guys! You look great, Zach. Let’s see a trick.”
He looks at me and frowns. Peetsa starts to laugh.
“Don’t you know any tricks? I need to see a trick before I can give a treat,” I say as I wink at her.
Zach thinks for a minute. “Well, I can burp the alphabet. Is that a trick?”
“Yeah, it is! Let’s hear it.”
As Zach burps away, I hug Peetsa and take the bottle of wine she offers.
“You read my mind,” I whisper.
“T burp U burp V burp W burp X burp Y burp Z.”
“Nicely done.” I offer him the candy bowl. “Now can you go upstairs and see what’s taking Max so long?”
“Sure!” He runs to the stairs.
“Oh, my God, do you make every kid do that?” Peetsa asks.
“Damn right. Nothing is free. They should learn that early in life.”
I’m so glad Peetsa agreed to help me give out candy tonight. Buddy is doing home duty at their house and Ron is taking the boys out, so it’s a perfect girls’ night in. I head to the kitchen and pull out some wineglasses. As I go to open the bottle, I notice it has a screw top. I whistle.
“Whew! Hope you didn’t break the bank with this one.”
“Excuse me, but that’s actually a really good bottle.”
I wave the screw top at her.
“A lot of vineyards don’t use cork anymore for some of their vintages. That, my friend, is a fine Australian Shiraz stolen from Buddy’s wine closet.”
“I love that you’re so into wine.”
Peetsa takes the glass from me.
“Well, Buddy’s the real oenophile. I just reap the benefits. Cheers.”
Just then I hear what sounds like thunder coming down the stairs, and a mailman, a ninja, and a football player appear before my eyes.
“Wow! You guys look awesome! Peetsa, this is my first husband, Ron.”
Ron rolls his eyes. “She thinks that never gets old.” He shakes hands with my new friend.
Peetsa laughs. “Well, it’s pretty funny the first time you hear it.”
Max strikes a pose.
“Ninja!” he yells.
“Show Mrs. Tucci your trick, Max.”
“Mom, no one ever asks for a trick,” Max whines.
“You never know,” I say. “Come on, just show her.”
Max grimaces but indulges me. He holds the sword sideways in both hands, brings it to knee level, and awkwardly jumps over it, through his arms. Peetsa and Ron clap. Zach hoots his approval.
“Love that!” exclaims Peetsa. “You will get so much more candy if you bust that move out at every house.”
“Do it while Zach burps the alphabet!” I chime in.
“What trick should I do?” my husband murmurs as he kisses me on the cheek. He is decked out in a Kansas City Chiefs uniform.
“Maybe you could rough up the quarterback a little later.” I give him a good pat on the butt.
“Deal.” He smiles. “Okay guys, grab your bags and let’s hit it. You girls have fun.”
“Ninja!” Max yells as they head out the door.
*
As Peetsa and I settle in to the two chairs I have moved close to the front door, I take my first sip of wine.
“Oh, wow. That is good.”
“Mm-hmm.” Peetsa washes down a bite of pizza with a big gulp.
Just then the doorbell rings.
“Oh, God, here we go.” I open the door and standing in front of me are three princesses a little older than Max.
“Yes?” I ask. “Can I help you?”
Silence.
“Trick or treat!” says the mother standing behind them. She’s wearing a crown.
“What’s your trick, Princess?” I ask with a big smile.
Nothing.
“They’re shy,” says the mom by way of explanation for their muteness.
“Hmmm. I really need a trick to give a treat.”
Now they’re all staring at me. The mother is giving me a look that says, “Really, you’re going there?” I stand my ground. Then one of the little girls pipes up, “I can do a cartwheel.”
“That is a great trick!” I encourage her. “Let’s see it.”
She puts down her crown-shaped candy bag, walks down the steps to our lawn, hikes up her dress, and does a perfect cartwheel. I clap and cheer and offer the candy bowl to all three girls.
“Bye, girls. Have a fun night.” Just as I’m closing the door, I see the mother give me the finger.
Peetsa is doubled over laughing.