“I’m going to miss Dixie more than I’m going to miss Dolly.” He gave me a crooked grin as he mentioned my neighbor.
The fact that I lived next door to Dixie was the reason I knew all the gory details of his recent breakup. She was his ex-fiancée’s sister as well as his best friend. The walls were thin and Dixie was one stranger that I trusted enough to get close to, so I spent a lot of time at her place. It sucked that she was getting ready to move to Mississippi right when Wheeler needed her the most. But her boyfriend was there and she missed him, so it was obvious she wasn’t happy being in Denver when Church wasn’t.
I cleared my throat and lifted fingers that had a visible tremor in them to my hair. I pushed some of it behind my ears and winced when the motion knocked my sunglasses sideways. I didn’t know if I could handle this conversation eye to eye but it was move the sunglasses or look like more of a spaz than I already did. With a sigh I pushed them to the top of my head and froze as his frosty eyes locked on mine. They were so cold I should be frozen from the inside out . . . instead I suddenly felt warm all over and heated in way that was foreign and strange. I’d never been so physically drawn to anyone before and it made me both anxious and agitated. I didn’t know what to do with it. I wasn’t in any kind of place emotionally to be crushing on a guy with the kind of complicated history and tangled future Wheeler had. I was only recently able to take care of myself in the most basic of ways There was no way I had it in me to take care of him as well … and that’s what he needed … a woman that would step up to the plate and fix all the things that selfish and thoughtless woman had broken. A woman who was selfish and thoughtless. A woman he very well might still be in love with.
“If you don’t want him I’m going to ask Dixie to take him. Dolly can always use a friend. One of my coworkers took home his sister and the doc I work for found homes out of state for the other two boys in the liter. This little guy was the last one that needed a home. I couldn’t stand seeing him left alone while the rest of his family found forever homes. Like I said . . .” I shrugged a little and looked away from that piercing stare. “I immediately thought of you.” Wheeler was looking for his forever home too I just knew it.
He bent down and put the puppy on the ground. The stout little animal started to jump on his lower legs and nipped at the worn leather of his sturdy and stained boots. Wheeler put his hands on his hips as he watched the puppy. I was almost a hundred percent certain that bringing the abandoned ball of slobber and love had been the right call when those arctic-colored eyes lifted back up to me. His expression was hard to read but it was clear something was stopping him from embracing my gift with open arms.
“I don’t know that I have the time to take on a puppy right now, Poppy.” He lifted a hand and rubbed it across the back of his neck. His mahogany-colored eyebrows pulled into a vee over the top of his nose and the corners of his mouth pulled down in a frown that was too harsh for his pretty face. I liked it much better when he smiled and his twin dimples cut deeply into his cheeks.
I bit my bottom lip to keep the distressed noise that I could feel climbing up the back of my throat at bay. I knew he might say no but I couldn’t hide the fact that I was disappointed by his decision. I honestly felt like he and the puppy would be good for one another, that they could bring a little joy into each other’s life. It broke my heart a little that Wheeler wasn’t ready to open his heart up again, even when it was to something that was so obviously eager to love him unconditionally and irrevocably, unlike his ex.
“It’s okay, Wheeler. Like I said, I’ll take him home until I can find a place for him. I’m sure Dolly could use a friend.” I crouched down and wiggled my fingers to get the dog’s attention, and grinned when he bounded over, tripping over his front legs as he scrambled in my direction. “I can take him to work with me and hold on to him until I figure something out. One of the boys at the shop will step up if Dixie doesn’t want another dog.”
I heard him sigh and looked up to see him watching me intently. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, then let it snap shut with his teeth audibly clicking together. I didn’t know much about Wheeler, but what I did know I liked. He was nice. He was polite. He was thoughtful and he was kind. But more than any of those things, he went out of his way to hold himself in a way that wasn’t threatening or intimidating because he was aware without me saying a word how jumpy I was around people, men in particular. I hated that they were bigger than me. I hated that I knew firsthand how badly they could hurt me if they had a mind to. I hated that I wilted and cowered under their attention, even if it was innocent and friendly. The fact that he took care not to spook me spoke volumes and made me feel awful for putting him in such an awkward position.
“Poppy …” He sounded regretful and I had no interest in dragging the torture out any longer for either of us. I scooped up the dog and buried my nose in the top of his head.
“Seriously it’s no big deal. I love him and I’m happy to wait until I can find him a proper home. It was stupid of me not to consider how busy you are with everything you have going on in your life right now. A puppy is a big commitment and that’s not something you can put on someone else without discussing it with them first.” The dog swiped his tongue across my face, no doubt feeling my distress and rising panic. I wanted to tuck his warm little body to my chest and run away like I was trying to score a touchdown in the other team’s end zone. “I should have known better.” That was a common refrain, one that chased me into nightmares and blasted through my head every single second I struggled to survive at the torturous hands of my abusive husband. I found myself repeating dangerous, harmful patterns where the men in my life were concerned, and through it all I told myself over and over again that I should have known better. My therapist would tell me I was being too hard on myself, that I was shouldering the blame for the actions of men that I had no control over.
Wheeler made a noise that sounded like he was choking and then bent over at the waist so that his hands were resting on his knees as his breath wheezed in and out. His wide shoulders shuddered and then tensed like he had taken a blow that knocked the wind out of him.