We join the nearest line, my eyes constantly checking the time. A plastic tray is shoved in front of us, an order barked to fill it. I leave nothing to chance, ensuring anything that could trigger the alarm on the detector is gone from our bodies.
As I walk through the arch, I’m holding my breath, praying the alarm doesn’t go off. And when Georgia passes through, she looks stiff, like moving as little as possible might make her less conspicuous. The second she’s past the guards, I seize her hand, grab our things and start running through the conveniently placed Duty Free store. “Look for gate fifty-eight, Georgia.”
“There, I see it!” She points up to a sign that shines the way to Raya.
“Good girl.”
After another five minutes running, she starts whining and I’m forced to pick her up, her little legs not built for speed or distance just yet. Her body bounces in my arms as I run and we follow the signs, dodging people, her little fingers dug into my shoulders tightly.
“Over there, Dad!”
I follow her flung arm, my pace slowing until I come to a stop. The sign for gate fifty-eight is beaming, the only light in my suddenly pitch-black world. The area is empty, not a soul waiting to board, every seat free. And the door to the tunnel that leads down to the plane is closed. Grief is a knot in my throat, filling it, making each swallow rough and painful.
“Are we too late?” Georgia slips down from my arms and runs to the stretch of glass adjacent to the door, her palms slapping the window as she peers out.
“We’re too late.” I drop to the nearest seat and watch as the plane slowly reverses away from the gate, my game lost. My girl gone.
Elbows on my knees, I slide my hands into my hair and stare at the floor. The drop of water that splashes between my feet is the first of many.
Chapter 14
I can’t bear to look Jesse and Sam in the eyes when we’ve made it back to them. The grief clogging my throat still won’t allow me to speak. The mild shake of my head tells them that our mission was a failure, though my dragging feet, slumped shoulders, and wretchedness all speak for themselves. I get a rub on the shoulder by each of them, a move of sympathy, when what I want them to do is knock me out. Not to just put me out of my misery, but to punish me for being such an idiot.
The journey back into the city is painfully silent, not even Georgia breathing a word. She just humors my need for closeness, cuddling into my side. I don’t question when Jesse offers to take her back with him for some playtime with Maddie. She needs to be a kid while her dad basks in his gloom and comes to terms with the fact that he is an award-worthy arsehole. And my trophy is the shitty ache in my chest that will never stop hurting. A constant reminder of my mistake.
Feet heavy, I trudge to the kitchen, snag a bottle of red and drag myself to my bedroom. Overcome with regret, remorse, and a ton of other crappy emotions, I fall to my back on the bed and stare at the ceiling. Those chains squeezing my heart are tight, impenetrable, but that bastard thing called devastation still finds its way through the thick links and tears a hole in the muscle.
For what point, I don’t know, but I call Raya. Maybe to give her an update of the events of which she is completely unaware. Or maybe just so she knows how gutted I am. It goes straight to voicemail again, which shouldn’t be a surprise since she’s mid-flight, but the reminder that she’s gone still hurts like hell.
I switch my phone to speaker, dropping it to the bed beside me so I can unscrew the top of the wine while I leave her a message. “I went to the airport today.” I take a swig and do my best to savor the taste of something that will hopefully numb me by the time I get to the end of the bottle. “Georgia came with me.” I laugh a little, still not quite believing what I had my daughter involved in. “My mate stole some passports and boarding passes so we could make it through to the gates.” I smile, but it’s strained and sad. “My girl pulls off the best poker face. She’s seven, for fuck’s sake.” I laugh, taking another swing. “It was an adventure for her. An adventure to win a girl for her daddy.” I breathe out, rubbing at my forehead. “She was so excited.” Tipping the bottle to my lips, I glug down probably the equivalent to an entire glass in one go, gasping and wiping my mouth. “But we were too late.” Piece by piece, my hopes disappear. My happiness shredded.
“Raya, I got scared.” I sigh, rubbing at my head. “I have no excuse. You did something to me that’s never happened before, and it scared me. My lifestyle, my daughter. It all became so real. I was going to tell you about her. I just didn’t know where to start.” I clench my eyes shut, regret eating me alive. “I should have had more faith in her. And in you.”
Finishing the bottle of wine, I toss it on the bed, starting to feel the glorious wooziness of alcohol taking over my mind. “Georgia asked me if I loved you. And you know what? I do. What else could explain this madness?”
I hear a knock at my front door, and I frown, pushing myself up to go answer it. I grab my phone off the bed and switch it off speaker, taking it to my ear. “You’re so young, Raya. And I’m so old and fucked up. With a kid.” I wobble through my lounge, blinking back the stars emerging in my vision. “I like binding women in chains, too.” I make it to the front door and clasp the knob. “And now I’m drunk and—” I lose my line when I pull the door open. “And you’re here,” I breathe, my phone plummeting to my side.
“I’m here,” Raya confirms softly, holding up her phone. “I got your message when I was boarding the plane.” Her thumb blindly pads the blank screen. “But my phone died and I couldn’t call you back.”
Hand lax on the door, I stare, lost in the moment, wondering whether I’m dreaming. Question whether I’m seeing things. Hearing things. “You weren’t on the plane,” I mumble, looking into the eyes that have consumed me whole from the moment I encountered them. There’s no sadness now. No dull, lifeless pits. I see only one thing. Hope.
“I wasn’t on the plane.” She takes a step forward. “And I need you to tell me that I’ve not made a huge mistake.”
Oxygen wakes me up when I inhale. My heart starts beating against those motherfucking chains, stretching them, forcing them to give under the power. I hold my phone up. No more holding back. No more questioning. No more caution and fear. “I’m a man touching forty and for the first time in my life, I’m in tatters over a woman. You, Raya.”
Her smile, although small and nervous, is so fucking bright. “I don’t care how old you are. I don’t care that you have a daughter. And I love your chains.” Closing the final bit of space between us, she looks up at me, hands in my hair, clenching, determined. “Without my grandpa, I didn’t know what to do with myself. “ A small kiss is pushed onto my lips. “I know he would have seen everything in you that I see. Strength. Devotion. I know he would have told me you’re worth the risk.”
“I’m no risk, Raye. I promise. I don’t want to be another reason for you to hurt, and I’ll do fucking anything to make sure I don’t.” She has to believe me.