Hers could have too, she realized. Because instead of getting on a plane to Austria without saying goodbye, Gavin had chased her down to talk to her here. Alone.
“I couldn’t believe it either.” Gavin shook his head, a sheepish grin spreading. “But fueling up the vehicle was a low priority this week, Rachel.” He reached to take her hands, enveloping them in his. His splint went between his thumb and forefinger, but didn’t impede the rest of his hand. “Ever since I saw you in town, you’re all I’ve thought about.”
She stared up into his green eyes, wondering what he was thinking. Why he’d followed her. Why he’d needed to leave her so urgently this morning.
“I don’t understand.” She shook her head, taking a step back. She ducked her chin, unwilling to look in his eyes and wish for things that weren’t meant to be.
He came with her, still holding her fingers captive.
“I didn’t understand either. Until this morning.” He tipped his head sideways to meet her gaze, then let go of her hands to lift her chin. “Rachel, I’m crazy about you. I want you in my life all the time, but it seemed like an impossible dream when you’re so determined to leave Yuletide and I want a whole life here.”
The revelation was so unexpected and so wholly welcome, she felt too stunned to speak. She wanted to ask him to repeat himself, for fear she’d misunderstood.
I’m crazy about you, he’d said. She couldn’t misinterpret that. Her heat rate quickened.
“I’m not that determined to leave anymore,” she admitted, hoping upon hope that it would make him rethink his view of her. “There have been a lot of nice things about coming home.”
His hand fell away from her chin, but he cupped her shoulders, the warmth of his palms sending ribbons of pleasure tickling along her skin.
“I could tell you were changing your mind about Yuletide. And that felt amazing to me.” His voice held a sincerity that drew her in, made her want to believe there was still a chance for them. “Except that I’m not retired yet, and how fair is it of me to ask you to wait around until I’m done snowboarding? Or—the other option—how fair would it be to ask you to travel around with me while I chase a dream?”
He’d been thinking about that? Mulling over a future that involved her? She warned her heart not to get ahead of her after the way things fell apart between them this morning, but her pulse fluttered anyhow. “I don’t know. But you could ask me what I think about those things.”
“I want to.” His touch skimmed down her arms and back up, rubbing gently. “I hope I still have that chance. But last night, I kept thinking about how I wanted to give you the world and I’m not in a position to offer you anything close. The Jingle Elf house isn’t even—” He shook his head. “You’ve seen it. It’s a mess.”
This was what sent him off to the mountain? The logistics of a relationship? He’d been injured because he hadn’t been concentrating enough, distracted by externals that didn’t matter to her. Frustrated, she wanted to ask him what he thought about her. About them. But this conversation had an element of promise that she hadn’t dared to hope for.
Outside the library, a room service cart rushed past, a tray of empty glasses clinking. Her emotions clattered around too, trying to figure out how she felt in light of his revelation that he’d been thinking about a future. This was a positive step and it soothed the ache that had been in her chest ever since finding his note in the bathroom mirror.
“I don’t need you to hand me the world, Gavin.” She combed her fingers through his thick hair, braved a step closer to him. “If you want to be with me, I’d rather build the world with you. Together.”
“You make it sound nice. Easy.” He kissed her palm when it got close to his cheek. “How do you do that? Answer the problems that keep me up at night?”
She couldn’t hold back a smile. It felt like it came from her toes—a bright, joyous acknowledgment that she hadn’t been wrong. There really was something special, something tremendous happening between her and this kind-hearted, generous, incredible man.
“I don’t know how I do it. But will you try and answer a question of mine?”
His expression turned serious. “I’d give a whole lot to be the guy who fixes things for you.”
She had the feeling that was one of the more romantic things he’d said to a woman, and she savored it for what it was. Proof that he cared. Proof he wanted something more with her.
Her heart glowed with new hope, brighter than the crackling blaze that warmed her skin.
“Setting aside the hows of being together for a minute, can you tell me what you feel about me? About us?” She’d risked her heart the night before, but it occurred to her now that once wasn’t enough when you loved someone.
She would have to keep risking it. Keep taking chances. Eight years ago, she’d been wild about Gavin, but a bump in the road had been enough to send her running. That wasn’t love, and it wasn’t a relationship that would last. She wouldn’t scare off so easily this time.
Gavin cradled her face in his hands, using his fingers lightly with one wrist in a splint. His gaze locked on hers.
“Yes, I can tell you. I knew the answer to that one last night before I ever even closed my eyes.” He stroked her cheeks with his thumbs. “I’m falling in love with you, Rachel. And it’s a fast free fall that’s still happening, a long drop into something that’s going to be really, really wonderful.”
Her heart squeezed tight around those beautiful words. Had she thought he wasn’t ready to articulate his emotions? How very wrong she’d been.
“Oh.” The sound that leaped from her lips wasn’t an answer, just a yelp of happy surprise. “I didn’t know. I was afraid—”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there with you this morning when you woke up.” He slid one hand around the base of her neck, the other landed on the small of her back, stroking sweetly. “I regret that more than I can say. But at the time, I was so overwhelmed because I didn’t expect anything like that to happen and I didn’t know my next move.”
His thumbs returned to her cheeks and she realized he wiped away tears. They were the beautiful kind though. The sort of tears that came when your feelings were so big and bright.
“You didn’t need a move.” She shook her head, her voice a thin rasp because of the lump in her throat. “You only needed to tell me that you cared.”
His shoulders sagged, relief evident in his eyes. Seeing how important that was to him, how much he’d worried about having a plan for them, touched her deeply.
“This is all new for me, Rachel, so I’m going to get it wrong sometimes. I’ve never trusted a soul with what I gave you.” Leaning in, he kissed her cheeks, tasting the last of her tears. “My whole heart.”
Tenderness welled up inside her, and she flung her arms around him, squeezing him tight. Holding on to him as well as dreams of their future together.
“I’m going to take the best care of it,” she whispered in his ear as he buried his face in her neck. “You have mine, too.”