“Alina, no!” Mal said furiously.
“You’ll let them go?” I asked. “All of them?”
“We need the tracker,” said the Darkling. “For the firebird.”
“He goes free. You can’t have both of us.”
The Darkling paused, then nodded once. I knew he thought he would find a way to claim Mal. Let him believe it. I would never let it happen.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Mal said through clenched teeth.
I turned to Tolya and Tamar. “Take him from here. Even if you have to carry him.”
“Alina—”
“We won’t go,” said Tamar. “We are sworn.”
“You will.”
Tolya shook his huge head. “We pledged our lives to you. All of us.”
I turned to face them. “Then do as I command,” I said. “Tolya Yul-Baatar, Tamar Kir-Baatar, you will take these people from here to safety.” I summoned the light, letting it blaze in a glorious halo around me. A cheap trick, but a good one. Nikolai would have been proud. “Do not fail me.”
Tamar had tears in her eyes, but she and her brother bowed their heads.
Mal hooked my arm and turned me around roughly. “What are you doing?”
“I want this.” I need it. Sacrifice or selfishness, it didn’t matter anymore.
“I don’t believe you.”
“I can’t run from what I am, Mal, from what I’m becoming. I can’t bring the Alina you knew back, but I can set you free.”
“You can’t … you can’t choose him.”
“There isn’t any choice to make. This is what was meant to be.” It was true. I felt it in the collar, in the weight of the fetter. For the first time in weeks, I felt strong.
He shook his head. “This is all wrong.” The look on his face almost undid me. It was lost, startled, like a little boy standing alone in the ruin of a burning village. “Please, Alina,” he said softly. “Please. This can’t be how it ends.”
I rested my hand on his cheek, hoping that there was still enough between us that he would understand. I stood on my toes and kissed the scar on his jaw.
“I have loved you all my life, Mal,” I whispered through my tears. “There is no end to our story.”
I stepped back, memorizing every line of his beloved face. Then I turned and walked up the aisle. My steps were sure. Mal would have a life. He’d find his purpose. I had to seek mine. Nikolai had promised me a chance to save Ravka, to make amends for all I’d done. He’d tried, but it was the Darkling’s gift to give.
“Alina!” Mal shouted. I heard scuffling behind me and knew Tolya had taken hold of him. “Alina!” His voice was raw white wood, torn from the heart of a tree. I did not turn.
The Darkling stood waiting, his shadow guard hovering and shifting around him.
I was afraid, but beneath the fear, I was eager.
“We are alike,” he said, “as no one else is, as no one else will ever be.”
The truth of it rang through me. Like calls to like.
He held out his hand, and I stepped into his arms.
I cupped the back of his neck, feeling the silken brush of his hair on my fingertips. I knew Mal was watching. I needed him to turn away. I needed him to go. I tilted my face up to the Darkling’s.
“My power is yours,” I whispered.
I saw the elation and triumph in his eyes as he lowered his mouth to mine. Our lips met, and the connection between us opened. This was not the way he’d touched me in my visions, when he’d come to me as shadow. This was real, and I could drown in it.
Power flowed through me—the power of the stag, its strong heart beating in both our bodies, the life he’d taken, the life I’d tried to save. But I also felt the Darkling’s power, the power of the Black Heretic, the power of the Fold.
Like calls to like. I’d sensed it when the Hummingbird entered the Unsea, but I’d been too afraid to embrace it. This time, I didn’t fight. I let go of my fear, my guilt, my shame. There was darkness inside me. He had put it there, and I would no longer deny it. The volcra, the nichevo’ya, they were my monsters, all of them. And he was my monster, too.
“My power is yours,” I repeated. His arms tightened around me. “And yours is mine,” I whispered against his lips.
Mine. The word reverberated through me, through both of us.
The shadow soldiers shifted and whirred.
I remembered the way it had felt in that snowy glade, when the Darkling had placed the collar around my neck and seized control of my power. I reached across the connection between us.
He reared back. “What are you doing?”
I knew why he had never intended to kill the sea whip himself, why he hadn’t wanted to form that second connection. He was afraid.
Mine.
I forced my way across the bond forged by Morozova’s collar and grabbed hold of the Darkling’s power.