I pulled into the parking lot at Club Vita, my stomach fluttering at the thought of seeing Leo. I’d been gone for two days on a shopping trip to Austin with Aunt Portia, and even though I loved spending time with her, I’d missed him terribly. This was the first time we’d been apart since the Halloween party.
At least the gym was closed for the night and we’d be alone. But I’d arrived earlier than I told him. I nibbled on my nail. What if he didn’t like surprises? What if he had too much work to do and I’d just be in the way? I peered up at his bedroom window, hoping to catch a glimpse of him.
I knew Sebastian was gone. He was out with Cuba at the Briarcrest Academy winter dance. It was the annual football and cheerleader formal, and while most guys took dates, Sebastian and Cuba hadn’t. I didn’t think for a minute those two would be alone at the dance though. Nope. They never were. Girls were always calling or texting or following Sebastian around, especially since he’d started doing band gigs at Gilligan’s. Cuba wasn’t any different. I’d watched him enough to know he had a new girl every month. My gut knew he didn’t care about any of them. My heart recognized that something in him was broken.
I carried Aunt Portia’s bags to her car, kissed her cheek, and promised to call her in the morning so we could talk about the big Christmas dinner Leo had decided to have at the Tate loft. She was doing the desserts, Leo was cooking the turkey and stuffing, Sebastian volunteered for the mashed potatoes, Teddy and his sister were bringing the green bean casserole, and believe it or not...Cuba was coming as well.
Maybe he’d bring an exotic Brazilian dish. Yeah. The more food, the merrier.
Honestly, I’d been floored when Leo had acquiesced to Sebastian’s plea to invite Cuba. He’ll be alone on Christmas, Sebastian had told us. And those were the magic words for Leo to agree. He might be a tad possessive of me, but he couldn’t stand the thought of someone without family during the holidays. He also knew I wasn’t going to add Cuba to my bad list. I loved him.
Yes, Cuba and I had flirted at the park and at Emma’s party, but the entire time, I’d sensed it was all just an act. I could have been any attractive, warm-bodied female. When I’d turned down his threesome idea, he hadn’t cared. Not really. He’d moved on to the next available person in line, which turned out to be Emma Easton. In fact, the rumor at BA was he’d been seen having sex with Emma and another girl from the party. In the pool house. Classy.
Thinking of Emma brought back the memory of the pool-push incident as Mila liked to call it. Apparently, she’d used her phone to video the entire episode of our embarrassing girl-fight. I kept waiting to see it on YouTube because Mila may look sweet as pie, but underneath she had the soul of a little vixen. As far as Cuba and Emma went, I guess they’d hooked up after she’d dried off? Who cared? I was just thankful it wasn’t Sebastian who had a thing for her.
I’d gotten brave and invited Dad to Christmas dinner as well. He’d said yes. We’d see if he really showed up. I’d been meeting him for lunch after my therapy sessions once a week. Sometimes we didn’t say much, but it worked for us. He was giving me his time. Something he’d never done before. I knew his faults and that he wasn’t likely to change, and he knew the terrible truth about what had happened to me. Our reconciliation would be a good thing and would take time and effort on both our parts. I didn’t have a crystal ball; I didn’t know where our talking was leading, but I wanted to spend time with him. I needed to see where it might go because I wanted him as part of my Christmas. I wanted him as part of my future.
As far as Mother went, I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to forgive her, mostly because it’s hard to forgive someone when they haven’t asked for it. Yet, because my heart knew that letting go of the past was the best way to move forward, I was trying. I’d hardened my heart against her years ago, but I think...I think I was beginning to feel pity for her instead. She had nothing, not the love of a husband or a daughter or a son.
Like a shell, she was empty and cold.
She’d never be one of the beads on my happy necklace.
Mother was yesterday’s garbage, and I wouldn’t ever let her influence me or make me into someone who did bad things. I would never let her steal the light from me again, never let her break my spirit.
But, just maybe, I could release her. Forgive her for not loving me.
I’d learned that you can’t let the shame of your past affect your future. I had Leo and it was enough. Deep inside my soul, I was putting one foot in front of the other, taking each day as it came, and I knew I was moving in the direction I wanted to go, in the direction of happiness. The sun felt brighter, the birds sounded sweeter, and the world was mine. Why? Because I loved us enough to work on making myself better.
It was progress.