Chapter 3
HARLOW
“Time to go,” Gunner says. My eyelids flit open and reject the light pouring through the massive windows of the old farmhouse.
“Morning,” I say, my voice still thick with sleep. “I don’t even remember coming to bed.”
Gunner pulls a pair of pants out of a drawer and slides them on before I get a chance to admire that fine ass. “You didn’t. You fell asleep on the couch. I carried you up here.”
I glance over to the unruffled side of the bed. “You didn’t sleep in here with me?”
Gunner jerks his head to the chair in the corner of the room. “I crashed over there.”
“That’s just stupid.” I roll my eyes at him. “There’s this perfectly big bed, why’d you sleep there?” But I know the answer. He’s keeping his distance. I know he’d never be able to let me leave this morning if he’d held me all night.
“I was fine.”
“Well, why didn’t you just wake me when you got up?” His hair is still dripping from the shower he must have already taken.
“Harlow, do you have any idea how goddamn beautiful you are when you’re sl—” he starts. “Never mind. Come on, I’ll take you home. Or wherever you’re staying.”
Wherever I’m staying, huh? Funny how the one guy who promised I was his North Star doesn’t sound the least bit interested in knowing where I lay my head most nights.
Or maybe this is just me kidding myself all over again. I guess I like to playact that it was all honey and sunshine, but maybe this is the way it always was.
“Harlow. Harlow, sweetie, wake up.” His voice came through the screen of my window and tickled me into a smiley, dopey state of waking.
“Hello there, stranger,” I whispered through a sleepy grin. I crept out of bed and took off the screen, grabbing Gunner’s arms through the open window. The day had been long and hot as hell, but the night was chilly enough that I was happy for Gunner’s arms around me. He kissed me long and hard, right on the floor next to my bed. My body squirmed and ached for him, to the point where I almost hated to ask him about why he hadn’t come to help me choose my school the way I’d asked. “Where the hell have you been for the last few days? I told you I got my acceptance letters. I thought you’d be around to help with my pros and cons list.” I pointed to the little notepad still by my bedside table.
Why was I keeping that list? I’d already decided. He’d already ignored his cell when I tried to get his help. I had made the best decision I could, even though I wanted to do it with the person I loved most.
How was it we could spend our days swimming, talking, running dares, and making jokes, and our nights sneaking around so we could hold each other tight and make love till the sun came up, but when it had come to the really big thing I needed him for, Gunner hadn’t been there?
His hands were moving fast over my body, tugging at my breasts and teasing under my waistband, but they stilled and his voice came out a tight snap. “I told you I don’t know shit about college. That’s a choice that’s got less than nothing to do with me, kitten, only that’s not what you wanted to hear.”
I pulled his face back up to mine to kiss him again, but his lips were tight and hard. “Gunner? Why are you getting all worked up like this? You bailed when I needed help buying stuff for my dorm. You bailed for the campus walk. Why do you not see how important these things are to me?”
I’d been trying to hide how much his not being around for those things hurt my feelings, especially because I’d had to shoo Daisy and Daddy away because I was expecting Gunner. The last thing I wanted was for our worlds to collide. In the end I’d wound up completely alone.
He pulled away and sat up in bed, arms crossed over his chest. “I stayed the hell away because those things are even more important to me than they are to you, and there’s no way I was going to f*ck them up. And I told you twenty times to go with Daisy or take your father.”
“I didn’t want them. I wanted you.”
My heart was breaking in my chest. I’d pushed my best friend and my family away for Gunner, and he’d let me down. I guessed I’d held out hope that there would be some kind of reasonable explanation, but I was coming to find it was just Hunt arrogance. It was fairly common knowledge that no Hunt did a damn thing unless he damn well pleased. I always thought Gunner was the exception to that rule.
Maybe I was as naive about guys as Daisy always claimed.
“You just don’t listen, Harlow, do you?” His voice sounded bitter, and, when he pulled me into his arms, it was in a fierce, hard way like he never had before. “Listen to me close. Our worlds collided this summer, and I’ll never get over how damn lucky that was for me. You own my heart for good, you hear me? But I’m not messing around when I tell you that this is a summer thing, baby. What we have together, no matter how hot and how good it feels now, it won’t last when the heat waves roll out.”
“W-w-what?” I hated the way my voice shook. My palms when clammy and my throat tightened. “You said I was your North Star, Gunner. How the hell does that make sense with what you’re saying now?”
“You are, Harlow.” He pulls me to him and kisses me so I can feel his hurt and pain. “Damn it, you are the brightest, most beautiful thing in my world, constant and steady. And I’m down on the ground, looking up at you, knowing you’re too much for me. Too good for me. People think I’m a selfish son of a bitch? Maybe. All I know is the first time I made love to you, I knew I had a few weeks of heaven before I had to let you go, because you’re made for better than Piedmont, Texas and its pathetic town loser.”
“Don’t you dare call yourself that!” I cried, forgetting to be quiet so we don’t wake my father. I put a hand over my mouth. When I spoke again, it was a more controlled whisper, but I was still shaking like a leaf. “You are an amazing, smart, wonderful man, Gunner Hunt, and I’ll be damned if I let you talk about yourself like you aren’t. You and I belong together. Together. You hear me?”
“I hear a girl who’s got a lot to learn about the way things truly work in this world,” he said, his careless drawl breaking my heart.
“Don’t do that. Don’t write me off as some dumb little girl.” I put my hands on his chest and looked into those deep green eyes, shuttered against any emotion. “Don’t close down on me.”
I didn’t care that I was begging , didn’t care that I was clinging to him like some lovesick girl. I’d put all self-respect to the side for Gunner.
He didn’t say a word, but he moved toward me and his kisses were deep, his touches were perfect. He stripped us both down and filled me up the way only he could.
We didn’t say another word about our future that night or for the next week. But, even though I held onto hope so tight it made me weak-kneed, when the heat waves moved on, so did Gunner Hunt.
Without me.
I push back the pain of that long ago summer night and give him a casual smile, because I’m a grown woman who can handle anything, even Gunner Hunt’s gruff rejection.
Even if it rips my still-beating heart out of my chest.
“I’ve got an apartment near campus with a friend. But what’s the rush?” I ask, my voice sexy to mask the hurt that’s unleashed in my memories. “I’ve got all the time in the world.”
It’s true. Daisy and I just moved back into town. She took a job working for my dad’s company, and I decided to commute the half hour back and forth rather than live at the dorms so I could live with Daisy. I’ve been in school for three years now, and I still don’t have a major, despite Dad’s constant insistence that if I don’t choose one (business, obviously) soon, he’s pulling the plug on paying my way.
“I’m sure you do,” Gunner says. His eyes rake over me, but he quickly looks away. “But I’ve got shit to do. And you need to go back to that life of yours. Without me.”
I prop a pillow behind me, sit upright in the bed, pull my legs up, and wince at how sore I am. It was worth it.
“You don’t mean that,” I say.
Gunner sighs as he zips his pants. “I thought I was perfectly clear last night, Harlow. It was just sex, remember?”
I nod. I do remember him saying that. And making me repeat it. I’m not naïve, I’m not playing dumb. I knew Gunner would pull this, but I don’t intend to make it easy.
“Look, Gunner, I didn’t come back to Piedmont for you. I had my reasons; running into you again was a bonus—”
He lifts a dark eyebrow, gives me half a smile, and tosses me my shirt. “Running into me? That’s what you’re calling it, really?”
“Yes. And I’m not stupid,” I say.
I’m not.
And I wasn’t three years ago, when he walked away.
Well, maybe I was innocent, but I know what we had and I know the reason Gunner walked away had nothing to do with not loving me. I may be a romantic, but I’m not blind. I know what I see and I know that I see Gunner Hunt wanting me bad.
“I didn’t say you were. But you knew what this was before you took your clothes off. I was clear.”
“I’m also not desperate. And if I believed for a second that what you actually want is for me to disappear forever, I would. But it’s not.”
Gunner sucks in a deep breath. I stare at his long, lean torso and want him back in this bed. I toss my shirt back at him.
“So, you want one more round before you take me home?” I ask.
*******
“I’m assuming based your ambiguous text, and that hot mess of hair that last night went well?” Daisy asks from the small breakfast nook of our apartment.
“Last night was…” I toss my boots into the closet and grin like an unstable idiot. “A start.”
“A start? What the hell does that mean? You stayed the night with him, did you not?”
“I did. But it’s been a long time, you know? He’s just as guarded as he ever was, maybe more so now.”
“So, he used you.”
My smile drops. “No. Not at all. I wanted it. I wanted him. I think he’s just scared of hurting me, but I’m not a kid anymore, he’ll see that.” I pull my hair out of the pony tail I’d yanked it back into on the ride home on the back of Gunner’s bike and let it fall free. The soft movement of the curls bouncing on my shoulders makes a chill run through me.
“So, how’d you guys leave things?”
“Things are fine,” I say, then clamp my mouth shut.
Daisy has been my best friend since we were kids, she knows good and well that when I say fine, I mean anything but.
“Fine, huh?”
“Yep.”
“Harlow, look.” Daisy tosses down the newspaper she’s reading—something my dad told her to start doing, because all respectful, responsible members of society read the paper every day. What a crock. Dad isn’t exactly the keeper of all the morals. “I know Gunner is hot. I know you guys have mad, crazy, hot sex. I know you even think you loved him—”
“I do. Love him.”
Daisy shakes her head. “You don’t even know him anymore. I don’t want to see you torturing yourself over some guy who is in your past for a reason.”
“I’m not torturing myself. I’m perfectly happy. Besides, I just saw him for the first time in years; just give it a rest while we both sort things out.”
“Sort out what, though? Is he with someone?”
“I don’t know.” I honestly didn’t even think to ask him that. I didn’t really care in the moment.
“It’s just that I remember that summer really well, Harlow. I was fine getting ditched so you could roll in the hay with your man, but I really thought it would be a summer fling. I never thought I’d be making ice cream runs and watching Lifetime movies for hours on end for your entire first semester.” Daisy screws her mouth to the side.
“I know I leaned on you hard.” I put my hand out and grab my best friend’s. “How bout I promise here and now that if I get my heart broken a second time, I will lose your number till I come out of it?”
Daisy bucks back, her eyes wide. “Tell me I just heard you wrong, Harlow Mills. Because you better not be implying that you wouldn’t come right to me if your heart broke. It’s my job as your best friend to defend you and take care of you. Do you not remember all the times you held me when I cried over a guy?”
I smile, my heart warm because I have the world’s best partner in crime. “And I’d do it again happily. Always.”
“Well, same with me,” Daisy huffs. “Don’t you dare take my ‘I hate to see you broken hearted’ lecture and make it a ‘I hate to help my sister from another mister’ sham, okay?”
That makes me full on laugh. “I promise. And I’m sorry. It’s just that when everyone in this town sees Gunner Hunt, they see a no-good, lazy player who’ll never amount to anything. And I think he likes to prove people right just to be an ass. But I know better. I know how he can’t drive past anyone with a flat without pulling over to help. I know he’ll stand forever to hold the door for an elderly lady. That he used to do Mr. Daniels’s chores for him extra early because Gunner knew his arthritis made it hard for him to handle it all. That when I told him I always wanted a pony, he broke me into a horse farm he worked at and we rode the trails all night.”
I remember that night, the moon, the horses nickering softly on the trail, the pasture we galloped through, the cabin he had set up. That was the night we made love for the first time, the night I’d lost my virginity and my heart to Gunner Hunt.
“He could have gotten your dumb asses arrested for horse thievery,” Daisy gripes. “And that’s all sweet, hon, but your future won’t be stolen horses and helping stranded motorists. No matter how romantic it sounds.”
“What do you mean?” My mind flutters back from those sweet memories to face Daisy’s harsh reality.
“I mean, other than sweeping you off your feet three years ago—before he shattered your heart into a billion pieces—what does Gunner have going for him? What’s he doing, just working at that bar? Does he even have an apartment?”
“He’s living at the Daniels’ place. Tending to it, I guess.”
“Legally?” Daisy asks.
I swat at her arm. “Yes, legally. And last night was...it was a good night. Really.”
“I just hope this isn’t some phase, and you don’t end up doing something you’ll regret. You do know that going after the bad boy isn’t going to get you out from under your father’s thumb, right, Har? You’re going to have to talk to him about your plans sooner or later. Preferably before you piss him off by running off with a Hunt boy. You know how much he hates that family.”
“Don’t worry so much.”
“If you say so,” Daisy says. “I hope you know what you’re doing. Seems to me if he wanted to be with you as desperately as you like to think he does…well, he just would be, you know?”
“I’ve got a plan, don’t worry. But right now, I just need a shower,” I say. I know Daisy means well, and from anyone else the words would sting like fire ants. It sounds crazy to have tracked him down only to be told he doesn’t want to be with me, and still be wanting to go back for more. But I also know Gunner, and I know he still loves me. He’s hiding something that he thinks should keep us apart and I plan on figuring out exactly what it is.
“I bet,” she laughs. “I’ve got to get going to work anyway.”
“Say hi to my dad,” I yell as I make my way down the narrow hallway.