CHAPTER 8
I’m nervous, but I try to shove back the emotions. If I’m a psychotic troll, then I won’t notice what’s going on. Emotions cloud my judgment and make me second-guess myself. That won’t help me now. I have to trust my gut and that’s all there is to it. Daddy used to say that the best decisions are the ones you can feel. They have no explanation—you just know.
That’s why I find Sean. He’s sitting at a table with a half empty bottle of whiskey. I’m exhausted and ready to fall asleep on my feet. When I sit down, I know that I’m going to have trouble getting up again. Sean doesn’t acknowledge me, so I speak first. I offer the thing I want, because there’s no way to communicate how I feel. I’m mad at him and disappointed, but l don’t want to fight anymore.
I reach across the table and touch the back of his hand. “Come to bed with me.”
Sean doesn’t move. Instead, he stares at my fingers on his. After a moment I withdraw my touch and repeat myself. That’s when he finally speaks. “Avery, I can’t.”
“I need to sleep and so do you.”
His eyes flick up. They’re filled with so many emotions that I can barely stand to look at him. It’s as if the man has been torn in two and is still alive. It’s cruel and merciless, washing over him again and again like the waves pounding against the shore. He can’t escape his agony. “Not this time.”
“I’m not taking no for an answer. We don’t have to talk. I just want you near me—we don’t have to touch. I know you don’t want that right now. Come with me, Sean. Jonathan said there’s an office in back with an inflatable bed. He already blew it up for me. Don’t make me go alone.”
There are sharp words on the tip of his tongue, but he swallows them back. “What do you expect me to do?”
“Sleep.”
“No, after that. Tomorrow and the next day. One moment you seem fine with who I am and what I’ve done, and the next you’re calling me a coward.” Sean is leaning back in his chair while he rubs the side of his shot glass with this thumb.
“Nothing good comes after 3am and it’s so far past that, Sean. We’re both exhausted. Let’s sleep for a while and talk about it later.” My eyelids are lead and I swear to God that my head is going to fall forward and hit the table in a matter of moments. It sways on my shoulders as my lids droop.
“You still trust me?”
“Yes.” There’s no hesitation, no question about it. I completely trust him. Sean watches me as I put my head on my hand and lean heavily upon it. “Do you trust me?”
The corner of his lips twitches. “That’s a silly question.”
My elbow starts to slide and my head is going down. I can’t stop it. I rest my over-sided, extra heavy melon on my arms as I fold them on top of the table. “I’m a silly girl.”
“No, you’re not. That’s why I’m having so much trouble with you. Avery?”
I hear his voice, but I can’t speak any longer. I’m too tired. “Mmmm?”
“Don’t leave me.”
Turning my head, I open my eyes and smile at him, sleepily. “I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me, Mr. Jones.” My words turn to a whisper as my eyes close. Sean’s voice fills my ears a moment later, but I have no idea what he’s saying. When I don’t respond, I’m jostled awake as I’m lifted from my chair. When my feet won’t move to walk, Sean swears under his breath, and then lifts me into his arms.
He carries me back into the room with the blow-up bed, muttering, “So much for not touching for a while.”