Derrick was still smiling at her, waiting for her to respond but she didn’t have anything to say because all she could think was that he looked unbelievably alluring in his leather jacket that hugged his biceps. She reached out and touched his arm, feeling his muscle beneath firm and hard in her grasp. He slipped an arm around her back and pulled her closer to him. With one quick motion, he bent down and found her mouth with his. He gently brushed his lips against hers and then pressed down with a bit more ferocity.
Kate smiled and kissed him back, letting her legs sag as she fell against him and let him hold most of her weight. She moved her body against him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She could feel his heartbeat against her breasts and it was picking up pace by the second. Kate felt her own breath becoming ragged and her cheeks were soon warm. She began to get a little nervous because she knew where this was heading if she did nothing to stop it, but she hadn’t decided if this is what she wanted. Whenever the two of them were together, the chemistry was electric and they were rarely able to keep their hands off each other.
But Kate wasn’t ready for more than this. Derrick and Kate had only just reconciled last night. If you can even call that reconciling. He had come over to apologize and she listened to what he had to say. Then the couple spent the night cuddled together just enjoying the warmth of being wrapped around each other again. None of that changed the fact that Derrick had betrayed her. There really was no nicer way to say it. Derrick had been her everything and then had taken her trust and tossed it into the trash like it had never even mattered. Now here he was, turning her cheeks red and stealing her breath, as if nothing had changed between them.
But everything had changed.
There was a new nervousness and anxiety creeping over her and she couldn’t stop herself from giving in to its warnings. She pushed him gently away from her, separating the two of them. Derrick looked at her with a puzzled expression, tilting his head down to get a better look at her face.
“What’s wrong?” He asked quietly, almost whispering. Kate just shook her head and bit her lip, she was afraid that if she started talking she would begin to cry. She had cried enough this last week, she didn’t feel like doing more tonight. She took a step back and breathed deep, forcing herself to relax and breathe out her anxieties.
“It’s too fast, Derrick.” She made it simple for him and he nodded, knowing what she meant right away.
“I would never push you to do something you are not ready for. I would never want to hurt you. I know you still need time to...you know, heal and everything.” He awkwardly said, rubbing his hand over his head and sighing. He walked into her living room and Kate trailed behind him.
“No, it’s not that. Well, I mean, yeah, it is that too. But...” Kate paused, trying to figure out what she was attempting to say. She wanted him to know that emotionally she wasn’t ready, she couldn’t trust him. He was right that she wasn’t medically cleared to have sex yet due to what happened to her. That would last another week at minimum, but it wasn’t about that. Even if she could be with him right now, she didn’t want to.
“Okay, well I mean you don’t need to explain anything to me. It’s whatever you want, Kate. I know that I have a lot of ground to make up.” He sat down on the couch and looked up at her. She shuffled her feet uncomfortably and looked down at him. She crossed her arms, in an attempt to hug herself, and sighed.
“Derrick, you left!” She blurted it out.
The moment she did, she wanted to grab the words and stuff them back into her mouth, swallow them down and never let them see the light of day. But there they were. Hanging between her and Derrick like a foul odor, contaminating the room. Derrick’s face looked surprised but then immediately twisted in pain. He tried to hide it by nodding and taking a deep breath, but she saw the raw emotions flash over him as her words stabbed his heart.
“I left.” He agreed after a few moments of silence went by.
He just kept nodding his head as she swallowed his words. Her eyebrows furrowed and she walked towards him, reaching out to touch his face. He was looking down at the ground and leaned into her hands, as she cupped his face. She gently pulled him to look up at her as she knelt down in front of him.
“Derrick, I love you so much. But you left. I was sitting in that hospital bed and all I could think about was you being there. I clung to that thought and was so relieved to see you when you walked in. But then you found out what happened to me and you ran out of there faster than if I had told you that you were on fire. I needed you and you knew that I needed you, but you left anyways.
Days went by. So many damn days, Derrick. Then last night you show up and you give me this heartbreaking speech and I believe it, I believe every word. I swear to you that I do, but that doesn't erase the lonely nights crying myself to sleep alone.” Kate started opening up and just couldn’t stop.