Chapter 9
How bad would it really be if I stripped right now and sat on his lap? What would that say to him about me? That I'm weak? That I can't stand up for myself? That I'm like one of those female characters in a romance novel that has no backbone? Or that I crave his body so much that I don't give a f*ck what he does? That's the ticket.
"Jessica." His voice pulls me from my thoughts of riding his glorious cock into the sunset. "Are you okay?"
"I'm just super…"Jessica, stop. Do not tell this man that you're super horny and you want him. Don't, do that. Don't. "I'm just super." What?
He pulls back slightly and raises his eyebrows as the corner of his lip rises in tandem. "You're just super?"
I shake my head and inch away from him on the couch. "Tell me about the bet."
"The bet?" he parrots back. "The bet between Drew and me?"
"How many bets are you a part of?" It's a half-joke if I'm being honest. If I'm being brutally honest, it's meant to bite into him but I know that he'll skirt over it the way he always does when I subtly try to stab him with a verbal knife. I'm beginning to think I need to switch to a more direct verbal hatchet if I want to get my point across.
"You went to the club that night with your roommates." He's so direct and matter-of-fact in his tone. "I saw you in the line."
"You didn't say anything." I shift slightly in the seat, feeling suddenly apprehensive about the conversation. It was my intention, when I hopped into the taxi earlier, to find out why he'd sent Garrett over to talk to me, now I'm on the brink of learning all about their disgusting bet.
He glances towards me and his eyes briefly scan my face before they drop. "You railed on me about kissing you in front of Bryce. You told me not to interfere when you were with other guys."
I nod. I remember that conversation. He'd promised me he'd keep out of my way if I was interested in someone else. The whole concept seems so foreign to me now. How can I possibly want another man? How am I ever going to get myself back to a place where that feels okay again?
"I was coming up behind you and heard Drew talking to some guys." His fist clenches on his lap and he pulls it across his leg. "They were talking about you."
"About me?"
"He said the curvy blonde was ready for him." His jaw tightens. "He was pointing at your ass, waving a wad of cash in his hand and asking who wanted to bet him that he could nail you first."
My stomach recoils at the sound of the words. I'm appalled by the image of Drew staring me down in line and wagering a bet on my body. "You already knew who he was?"
He nods slowly. "Cassie pointed him out to me months before that. I'd go to the clubs sometimes and almost always see him there. I knew he was a gambling addict. He was blowing money left and right on anything he could place a bet on."
I'm not sure if I'm more bothered by the fact that he knew who Drew was for months before that night or by the mental image of Nathan interacting with women at clubs before he knew me. I sit in silence hoping he'll take the hint and continue his confession.
"I asked him if I could get in on the bet." He reaches to cradle my hand in his but I pull back. I can't manage any skin-to-skin contact with him right now. I can't.
"We'd already f*cked, Nathan," I say the words slowly, enunciating each syllable.
"It wasn't about that, Jessica." His breath hisses out. "It was about helping Cassie."
I close my eyes to temper everything I'm feeling. "Why would you do something like that to me? It's so degrading and so disgusting."
"I'm not proud of it." The words are genuine but they offer nothing to me. "I barely knew you then."
He's right. He barely knew me. We'd only f*cked up to that point and if I was being truthful, that's all we'd ever really been. "You barely know me now," I whisper. "You don't know me."
"Jessica. Listen to me." He turns to look directly at me. "I was trying to help Cassie and her kids. I never meant for it to hurt you."
"You made a bet on my body." I slide my hand over my breasts and down my stomach. "You made a bet about my body with him."
"Jessica, please," he breathes, his hand pulling on mine. "I got caught up in helping her and didn't realize how it would hurt you."
"I worked with him." I sigh. "You knew I had to work with him. I went on a date with him and then he harassed me every single day."
"He was so pissed that he lost the bet that he kept after you for weeks. I told him to f*ck off over and over again." The words are meant to comfort me but they only push me closer to the edge of the emotional abyss I'm already teetering on.
"You put in me in a horrible position to help her." It sounds childish as the words hit the air. It sounds as though I'm being petty and juvenile. "You allowed me to be a pawn in your stupid little game with him to help her."
"No." The word is breathless. "Jessica, no."
"Nathan." I shut my eyes briefly before opening them to stare at him. "You made a bet with Drew about f*cking me when we'd already f*cked each other so you could help his ex-wife." I hadn't signed up for any of that when I first went to the club.
"It's not that simple." His tone is raspy and low. "She was getting eaten alive by creditors and he was blowing his money. This was finally my chance to get something from him. I was just taking from him to give to her."
"By using me," I say decisively. "Why can't you see how completely f*cked up this is?"
"You don't think I know that?" He jumps to his feet. "You don't think I realize how badly I've f*cked up the only thing that's ever mattered to me?"
"Why didn't you just tell me?" I ask while trying to temper all the mounting rage that I'm feeling. "Why the f*ck didn't you just tell me what was going on?"
"How?" He's on his knees in front of me now. "What was I supposed to say? You don't think I realized that I was going to lose you the minute I brought it up?"
"The night I danced with Drew…" I stop to pull in a heavy, much needed breath. "That was the night you finally told me your name."
"Making that bet was a mistake the minute it happened." He's pulling on my hands. "When I saw him dancing with you something inside of me switched on. I couldn't stand it. I f*cking hated him more than I ever had before."
"That was when you should have told me." I can feel tears racing to the surface. I don't cry. I'm not like that. Please don't let me cry in front of him.
"Jessica." He lifts his chin to look directly at me. "Don't let this come between us."
I thrust my back into the couch at the request. "Don’t let this come between us?" I push the question back to him. "This? You mean the fact that you let me trust in you when you were f*cking with me the entire time? That? Is that what you mean?"
"No." His head shakes rapidly from side-to-side. "Listen to me, Jessica. Just listen."
"I've been listening to you for weeks." I know he can hear the exasperation in my voice. It's unmistakable. I'm so tired of his bullshit. First, the fact that he was dating Cassandra, then the f*ck phone and now this goddamn bet he made with Drew.
"I made that bet knowing that it wasn't even real." He rests his hands on either side of me on the couch. "I'd already been with you. I told him later that night that I f*cked you and he paid up. He just couldn’t drop it. He kept circling you like a f*cking vulture."
"How much?" It's a question that has been pulling at me for days now. Part of me wants to know and the other part knows that once I hear the amount I'll be scarred for life.
"The money doesn't matter." His tone is flippant and dismissive. Of course it doesn't matter to him. He's not the one who had a price tag placed on his ass like I did.
"It matters to me." I squirm on the couch cushion, trying to break free of the wall he's built around me with his body.
"Jessica, please." His voice is so soft and ripe with emotion. "Don't ask me that."
"You said you'd never lie to me." I know it's underhanded but it's going to get me exactly what I want from him. "Tell me how much."
"Jessica." He's tapping my hip with his hands. "Please, don't ask that."
"Now, Nathan." I tilt his chin up with my index finger. "Look me right in the eye and tell me."